Ok this girl that was showing some interest in me well I asked her to lunch and she seemed kind of surprised at first and she didn't really know what to say but at the end of the conversation she acted pleased and we made a date to go to lunch togher. Well later on in the day I found out she has a boyfriend so I want to avoid the LJBF route so should I just ask her tomorrow if she has a boyfriend and when she says yes how should I react? Did I probably blow it with this girl?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Do you have a boyfriend??
- Thread starter bud_2005
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I think the best thing would be to ignore the boyfriend completely and just procede as normal. This doesn't mean you should try to coerce her into cheating, but there's no way to bring up the b/f without hurting your game or making things awkward.
Afterwards, don't make another date with her, but continue to flirt. This way when she inevitably breaks up, you'll already have a solid first date under you belt and you can pick up from there.
Afterwards, don't make another date with her, but continue to flirt. This way when she inevitably breaks up, you'll already have a solid first date under you belt and you can pick up from there.
Well one good thing is her boyfriend goes to a different school so he wouldn't see us together or anything is I'm just afraid I messed it up by doing it when she had one. This is just a step for me because I actually asked her to lunch. I just walked up to her and did it and after I did ask her I couldn't believe I did it.
TonyTheTigerOI
Master Don Juan
Lets take it backwards... did you blow it? Hell no. Avoiding the LJBF is ALWAYS ideal for ppl breaking into the DJ world, kudos. Most good looking girls have boyfriends... but most are with them for the security of "having a boyfriend" not because they are actually attached to them. Lunch is good, ice cream is better.
So what should you do?
Understand that attraction has two parts... your end and hers. Her life experiences, cultural background, other options, baggage, boyfriends, all exert individual forces on her feelings for you. However, it is ultamatly your responsibility to raise her interest in you. In most situations there IS ALWAYS something to say that will bend the moment in your favor... but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Bud, you like her. She likes you. Hence, lunch. She has a boyfriend... but obviously you provide her with something he doesn't. Hence, lunch. You are 'new' and therefore exciting, he is 'old' and therefore boring. Hence, lunch.
A girls boyfriend is like any other baggage, even if you know its there, its best to act like you dont - let her think that you see a pure, true version of her... not a swirling mass of problems and pitfalls.
So go on your 'date,' dont pay for her, test the waters. Read the bible, try some of the techniques like kino, build her attraction and have fun with it. However, as she has a boyfriend, be aware that she MUST innitiate the first move [so you save face]. Also, she may use the B/F as a trump card to keep you as a friend - don't be embarrist or angry when she brings him up, in fact, be the opposite:
twotiming***** - Oh, you play soccer? My BOYFRIEND steve plays soccer too!
Budmacdaddy - No way! U know... soccer players are known for our butts... just dont tell steve I gave away his secret ;-)
Be confident, be charismatic, and goddamn it - HAVE FUN!
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
TonyTheTigerOI
Master Don Juan
I respect where you are coming from jester... but limiting a budding DJs options is a bad idea - ESPECIALLY when a 'date' has already been schedualed... the perfect setting for practical application of all the codswallop he learns here.
Bud...
<uses some kino>
Girl - I have a boyfriend, you know
DJ <stops kino, acts overwelmingly surprised> - OH MY GOSH! Me too <wink>! Lets make sure and take things really slow then <debonair smile>... <change subject>
Understand, this date is not an attempted ****, or even something that will blossom. You are trying to practice the principals you read on these forums.
HAVE FUN.
If you think of a girl having a boyfriend as a pit-fall it will hurt your confidence. You may tend to start thinking that every chick with a boyfriend is unreachable, and then you start thinking that every chick has a boyfriend, then your crying yourself to sleep at night.
Many girls are like chimps, they don't let go of the vine there on till they have a hold of another one. Now you need to be that vine. Maybe she'll do the same to you, but thats just a risk, and any don juan will tell you that any risk is worth taking.
triple_ultima
Senior Don Juan
Personally, when I learn that a girl has a boyfriend, it throws up a gigantic stop sign. I immediately label the girl useless and toss her into the trash.
I simply don't have the time or desire to mess around with girls that are already "commited" to someone else. From what I have seen, it often causes more problems and is simply not worth the time or effort.
Do whatever you see fit - If it were me, I would still go to lunch with her, be flirty, etc., but break off contact afterwards.
I simply don't have the time or desire to mess around with girls that are already "commited" to someone else. From what I have seen, it often causes more problems and is simply not worth the time or effort.
Do whatever you see fit - If it were me, I would still go to lunch with her, be flirty, etc., but break off contact afterwards.
Well seeing as you can't spell HONOUR
, your advice is not that useful. I would disagree, he is not lusting after her, he just set up a date. I would agree, do not go out with anyone that has cheated, but if she is a monkey and just wants bud lined up before letting go of steve
then let her. It will do wonders for his self confidence. If you are learning then do not worry, but girls with bfs u know about when you approach should be a no no.“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
This ain't england old sport.Originally posted by JSH
Well seeing as you can't spell HONOUR
Someone explain to me the logic of letting a newbie do the wrong thing? Its wrong, period? It will NOT do **** for his confidence. He will still be the same pathetic little sh1t, just with an EGO BOOST. That is NOT confidence folks. btw, this whole "monkey" crap. Who the hell wants a girl like that? Seriously, how little self respect must you have to take a girl who does that sh1t? Pathetic!
logic my friends logic. And since when did newbies start trying to contradict me? Oh right, they always try that.
NO YOU HAVE NOT BLOWN IT, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
Secondly you do not have to ask her if she has bf, confirming your fears, you let it slide, but ask yourself are you willing to go with someone this unfaithful. Maybe she is the monkey, lining you up to swing onto next.
So Jester, Im a n00b just because i do not spam
and because i actually go out and live my life, including field testing ideas and finding out what works for me.My advice to bud is, do whatever you want, if you want her, go for her, if you feel it is wrong, then dont.
On the board we are only mortal, well apart from Jester, and consequently do make mistakes.
Well Jester, i am not contradicting you, i am sayin that it should go at his pace. If it is the hottest gal he feels he has picked up. He asked her to lunch, probably a big deal for him, he should not give it up and the experience just because she has a bf.
What i would personally do, is act like i did not know, but do not get into a relationship with a girl like that.