Do you ever worry about a girl worrying about if you like her enough?

[Heisenberg]

If I'm just dating a girl, I tend not to give up too much too soon. Part of this comes naturally, but much of it is forcing myself to be disciplined following years of pedestalizing girls.

Sometimes, though, I worry that I'm not being affectionate enough or overt enough about how I feel about a girl (if it's a girl who I'd actually be interested in an LTR with). I never have problem meeting, dating or sexing women, but I do notice things start to fizzle out around the 2 month mark. I wonder if this could be because the girls I date, who are usually super cool/smart/independent types, eventually decide that I must not like them enough because a) She'll text me super cheery/lovey texts with X's and O's etc and my texts will be shorter and free of any cutesy stuff or emoticons. b) I'm not always gushing over them. c) I'm not always buying them things and taking them out, I usually just chill with them at home and f*ck.

In other words, I wonder if they do what we do: decide they're not getting enough high interest signals and cut bait early. They see I'm not acting like a boyfriend, therefore I'm not boyfriend material.

Is there such a thing as a girl questioning your feelings for her too much? In a LTR I do believe you gotta open up some, you can't just be an aloof d!ck all the time, but if I'm just dating a girl I like to hang back and let her do most of the chasing. I guess I'm just wondering if these new 2014 version of western women are maybe getting fed up with it and decide to disqualify me as an LTR candidate to protect themselves. "I guess he doesn't like me that much so I'm going to pull back now myself."

 

[Heisenberg]

Let me rephrase.

Is there ever a time in dating when it is bad for a woman to wonder if you're just using her for sex?

Is there ever a time in dating when it is bad for a woman to think that you're not looking for anything serious?

I am wondering if by me being a little aloof (not rude) while a girl is being really affectionate and acting like a GF is causing them to write me off - they conclude I'm just another player. Because that's certainly not the case, I am interested in an LTR with the right woman, I just don't like to over-invest too early... Just concerned I'm sending the wrong signals.

 

[latinnova]

Just stay aloof, and if she asks directly about what you want, let her know that you are simply enjoying life and the relationship will develop as destiny see's fit, or something along those lines. For some reason woman love that destiny sh!t

 

[SoSuave666]

Let me rephrase.

Is there ever a time in dating when it is bad for a woman to wonder if you're just using her for sex?

Is there ever a time in dating when it is bad for a woman to think that you're not looking for anything serious?

I am wondering if by me being a little aloof (not rude) while a girl is being really affectionate and acting like a GF is causing them to write me off - they conclude I'm just another player. Because that's certainly not the case, I am interested in an LTR with the right woman, I just don't like to over-invest too early... Just concerned I'm sending the wrong signals.

You can try and rationalize a girl's fading interest any way you want. Lots of men simply think: "I'm being too much of a d!ck" or "She is being all lovey and I'm not doing enough to show attraction/affection." Fact of the matter is, if things fizzle, she is losing attraction. Point Blank.

SO, what do you do? Women NEED attention and affection to be comfortable with men. It's called rapport, and it is the balance between building rapport and building attraction that really gets a woman's pvssy wet. SS may have you believe that it's all 100% attraction, and that rapport is completely unnecessary and you can be a d!ck all the time and the girl will still love you. Of course, that's not the case. Please read the below article, from SMGP:

http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2012/03/fem-psychology/

 

[Dgwizdal]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2159316#post2159316

I have the same problem - A woman will be head over heals for your aloofness for only so long before she needs some rapport to balance out the attraction or else she will start to resent you.

Push/Pull has zero affect if you are always going one or the other. Same goes with Hot/Cold.

Lots of guys (including my self) learn and indoctrinate the principles of generating attraction into their game and go the complete opposite of the niceguy wussbug stuff they used to do. They see the immediate results of the aloof jerkboy charisma and think that's all it takes when in reality - hints of niceguy here and there are what will keep the girls panties wet in the long run once your frame is well established. You cannot appear uncatchable and you must reward her when she works hard for your approval.

Sprinkle you Alpha Steak with a bit of Beta Pepper once in a while and you'll find the right balance.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2157200#post2157200

 

[Heisenberg]

Guys, those are great links. Thanks for the replies.

These lines in particular stood out to me:

When you build rapport PROPERLY she thinks in terms of YOU, not HER. There’s a big difference between BETA SUPPLICATION and Alpha Commitment. To highlight the difference,

“Wow he makes me feel special and amazing”
vs
“God dam I’m special and amazing”

“Phew, he’s committed to me.”
vs
“Obviously he’d be committed to me.”

“I must be a special little shiny as **** snowflake if he’s treating me like a princess”
vs
“He’s treating me like a princess because I am a special little shiny as **** snowflake”

Does she think she’s special BECAUSE you’re treating her this way (correct)

Or

Does she think you treat her this way BECAUSE she’s special (incorrect)

I once dated a girl for 3 years. For the better part of that, she thought, "Wow, he's so amazing because he treats me so well." Towards the end you could tell she started to believe, "Wow, he treats me so well because I'm so amazing."

The balancing act is tricky. I've probably been burned more times for being too beta than for being too alpha. Sometimes I feel like it's safe to start letting out some of the beta - i.e. initiating small talk texts - but every time I do that it's like the girl suddenly realizes, "Oh, he's chasing me now instead of me chasing him... I guess I'm no longer attracted to him."

And of course I've also done the other thing, and I think I'm doing it with this one girl right now, where I let her initiate all the texts, make plans maybe once a week and never really inviting her out to things with my group of friends. Then the girl's like, "Well, this is a lost cause. I guess I'm no longer attracted to him."

 

[Tictac]

Wow, he's so amazing because he treats me so well." Towards the end you could tell she started to believe, "Wow, he treats me so well because I'm so amazing."

I smiled and winced as I read this. This is a predictable 'glide path' for most women. How you keep this from happening is anyone's guess.

One way to make it happen faster though is to 'beta up'.

Athol Kay runs a blog called "Married Man Sex Life". He thinks that balancing so-called 'alpha' and 'beta' traits and behaviors with the man as captain and woman as first mate. Some truth there. But best to stay on the alpha side of the street.