do you care if your woman keeps in touch w/exes??

[DJArlington]

i just want to know your opinion on this. is it a lot to ask a woman to never speak with her ex? if you are in a relationship, do you even need to ask, isn't this common courtesy?

is it afc to even care when your woman fully adores you?

thanks guys.

 

[jophil28]

i just want to know your opinion on this. is it a lot to ask a woman to never speak with her ex? if you are in a relationship, do you even need to ask, isn't this common courtesy?

is it afc to even care when your woman fully adores you?

thanks guys.

It depends on whether she has a legitimate reason for maintaining contact. Kids , business interests together, shared recreation or hobbies and so on.
Unless there are ties which need to be maintained I can see NO explanation for her wanting to "stay friends " with him.
These lingering relationships usually interfere with the new relationship in some way . SHe owes you her loyalty and priority now and should be willing to lisyen to ,and act on your concerns if you have them.
Perhaps you should post more details about your situation.

 

[KontrollerX]

Its one of the unwritten societal rules that when you get into a relationship with someone new the ex is off limits for you to contact on either side meaning neither person in the relationship can still make contact with their ex.

The only reasons someone wants to talk with their ex is either to get back together eventually or your ex and you had a kid or kids together.

Now if an ex has kids with another guy and they have custody stuff going down in that scenario of course its alright for them to interact about that but why would you ever want to put yourself in the position of being a cuckold and raising another man's offspring to begin with?

Can't you just bang single mommies and if its a relationship you are looking for find someone without kids??

In anycase though no one can control another person so what I would do and what I advise anyone else to do is if in the scenario where a woman doesn't have any kids with her ex but she still wants to hang out with him during your committed relationship to her you make it clear that she's free to do whatever she wants but if she does that you are going to walk.

Its as simple as that.

Its not really even an ultimatum either when given by a DJ because a DJ has decided how he is going to live his life far in advance.

For a DJ to say this to a woman he definitely values her freedom and is basically saying she can have it but she can't have him too if that freedom involves her hanging with an ex.

An AFC on the other hand likely wouldn't have the courage to make such bold proclamation to a woman they were dating because of their fear of losing her ie scarcity mentality, so they'd put up with it all the while trying to guilt trip the woman into giving up seeing her ex boyfriend with annoying passive aggressive tantrums and then once the anger built up to sufficient levels the AFC would probably cause the relationship's end by having an angry tirade type of blowup at his girl for spending all night with her ex supposedly just "talking" when she should be home with him in the AFC's mind. What the AFC misses is you cannot control another person but you can control yourself by walking away if a situation is not to your liking and if a girl deems you important enough to her life to keep in it she will change her behavior just for you on her own.

Even if the AFC did try the DJ's way of saying he will walk away it would be done in an angry controlling ultimatum type of way unlike the DJ who would simply mention what he's going to do if the girl sees her ex as a statement of fact.

AFC= getting emotional and controlling.

DJ= smooth and confident and not getting all worked up about whether a girl chooses to do something disrespectful towards him because he will walk when that happens and he does value the freedom of other people to do what they want. He knows there are other fish in the sea who will value him more than his disloyal girl ever will and so he is happy about walking away should a woman's behavior towards him warrant it.

 

[DJArlington]

a little more detail. we took a trip once out of town to a place where she had a bunch of friends but she invited both a guy she went on a few dates with and her exboyfriend to meet all of us out for drinks. she was truthful about it, but i still found her actions kind of odd. we have a great relationship so i found it to be kind of crazy. why the heck would she do something like that? luckily they never showed up, probably because they knew i was going to be there.

another instance she was emailing her ex asking him what places to see while she was visiting europe. the reason i know this is that she asked me to check her email on occassion so i saw these emails. they were friendly but borderline flirtatious. by this point i had already told her to stop talking to them. she said it was nothing.

please that i do love this chick and she absolutely adores me. i think all of this may have been relationship immaturity at the time (she was 24).

well of course the red flags began and we eventually broke up. but i was just wondering if i was out of line because i still think about her all the time. did i overreact?

 

[KontrollerX]

No you didn't overreact.

If she respected you and if you were her top priority and she was head over heels in love with you she would of never risked losing you over doing things you did not like such as contacting the ex and inviting him out for drinks.

To me it sounds like the ex didn't show up that time not because you were there but because it sounds like he completely lost interest in her.

 

[jophil28]

a little more detail. we took a trip once out of town to a place where she had a bunch of friends but she invited both a guy she went on a few dates with and her exboyfriend to meet all of us out for drinks.

AT this point you should have walked away. That behavior in women CAN be a sh!t test of your limits of tolerance.
At the very least, her inviting those other guys was an appalling display of disrespect toward you.

That was one thoughtless insensitive baithch that you fell in love with!

Oh well -we all do that at least ONCE in our dating career, I guess.

 

[jophil28]

a little more detail. we took a trip once out of town to a place where she had a bunch of friends but she invited both a guy she went on a few dates with and her exboyfriend to meet all of us out for drinks.

BTW what was your relationship with her at this time?
Were you intimate ,exclusive ?
How long had you been dating her or seeing her when she pulled this stunt. Had you met these guys before this ?

 

[DJArlington]

We had been dating 6 full months, five months exclusively. SO we were in an exclusive relationship. No Jophil, I have never met these guys before but I did know about them. We did talk about my issue with this and she didn't pull one of these stunts again. She did continue to speak with one of her ex's through email from time to time, which I really didn't like.