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Do you bother responding to this girls email?

deuce42

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Hi guys

Do you respond at all when you get an email from a girl who says she'll organise a date when she has some spare time?

Here's the context. I met a girl a couple of months ago at a friend's birthday dinner. We got on well, there was loads of eye contact between us, but there were loads of friends around and it was hard to escalate too much around a restaurant dinner table. I was outside when she left and I didn't get a chance to get her number. A mutual friend gave me her email but told me this chick had recently caught her 6 year boyfriend cheating and was now single and in a bad place and also overloaded with study and not catching up much with her own friends.

I sent her an email to catch up, she took over a week to respond but eventually did and we agreed to meet. When trying to arrange, she said her only free time was on a particular day and asked if I wanted to meet her for lunch. My DJ barometer usually tells me this is a bad vibe - lunch dates don't usually create room for sexy interactions. I mean, sitting opposite each other over a cafe table, no alcohol, no room for kino etc equals bad vibe. Given she had pressed only being free for a day meet, I agreed to meet her for lunch and the days before the date we had been exchanging quite a few emails. Date went reasonably well but again it was a bit hard to create anything special over a cafe table. In addition, she is a very intellectual thinker and we had fascinating conversation, but once again my DJ barometer tells me that intellectual discussion, fascinating as it may be, kills any sexy mood on a date! The day after I emailed her and said it was great to meet, lets do again. No response for a week and then an email saying "I was great meeting thanks, I know of another cool cafe for lunch and will let you know again when I have a spare moment and we can arrange".

Now again my DJ barometer thinks, "fVck that", I am not waiting around for some girl to decide if she can be bothered contacting me again to catch up. It also has overtones of blowing me off without doing it directly.

But the thing is, we both have very close mutual friends and I dont want to look like a wuss or show signs of being upset. I need to maintain my dignity and not look like I care either way because I am sure I will run into her again.

How does a more sophisticated DJ handle this situation? Do I email back or just ignore the email? If I do contact, what does the sophisticated DJ say?
 

JYW

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It is important to trust your gut, or in this case, your 'DJ barometer'.

Definitely don't over-invest in this girl. If you'd like to escalate, take the lead and have her meet you at a bar or a lounge.

In the meantime, find other prospects to prevent yourself from over-investing.
 

handle

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I'd probably send one back that says "sounds great, talk to you then" or "cool well I am going to <some event> on <some day>, maybe we could hang out then too. Just let me grab your number and I'll let you know. Otherwise gimme a shout."

Obviously you answer, either with a quick courtesy thing or as a 'counter-offer'. I don't usually answer social emails from people who live in my area code (why bother with miscommunications? just call!) but in this case you don't have the number so you have to let her know you got the message in case she actually does want to hang out.
 

scribblec

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so uve actually been on a "cafe date" and u still dont have her number?!?! wtf are u still emailing for
 

Pimp-sicle

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handle said:
I'd probably send one back that says "sounds great, talk to you then" or "cool well I am going to <some event> on <some day>, maybe we could hang out then too. Just let me grab your number and I'll let you know. Otherwise gimme a shout."

Obviously you answer, either with a quick courtesy thing or as a 'counter-offer'. I don't usually answer social emails from people who live in my area code (why bother with miscommunications? just call!) but in this case you don't have the number so you have to let her know you got the message in case she actually does want to hang out.

This advice is terrible, no offense Handle I know your just trying to help, but in this case your completely wrong here.

One agreeing to let the girl dictate the agenda early on is always a fast track to a dead end. So if he said "sounds great talk to you then," he is basically saying "sure here's my ballz to keep in your purse, I obviously don't need them."

Secondly your next suggestion is bad because of the way you worded it "maybe we could" blah blah on such and such day too." Maybe = unsure = AFC = low confidence = putting girl on pedestal.

-----------------------

Bottom line here is as busy as this girl might seem to be, she doesn't have high interest in you. If she did, she would be excited to meet up again and she would have time to meet you.

A girl is NEVER NEVER NEVER "too busy" UNLESS she doesn't have high interest in you.

Sounds like your date didn't elevate the existing interest that she had for you. If anything as you mentioned it was very casual, the conversation sounded like it sucked because it wasn't anything that increased attraction and interest.

Personally I wouldn't even respond to her email. Don't contact her for a week or so, then hit her up and ask her if she wants to get together on a SPECIFIC DAY AND PLACE. If she says she can't and doesn't counter offer, then you know your wasting your time.





PIMP
 

Strelok

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If it wasnt for this
But the thing is, we both have very close mutual friends and I dont want to look like a wuss or show signs of being upset. I need to maintain my dignity and not look like I care either way because I am sure I will run into her again.
A great reply would have been "b1tch please",its the alternative version of "nigga please" but unlike the other one you feel good when the reader is offended and take it personal.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=NIGGA%20PLZ

Anyway pimp sickle gave you the right answer,but if I were you I would just drop the girl without doing any further trying,it's obvious to anyone that she doesnt think you worth of her time and by asking her out again or even worse follow his lead its gonna get even worse.

The only chance you have is just ignore her,she will either do the same or ask herself how comes you dont behave like the other on her wait list.
 

blueline

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deuce42 said:
Hi guys

Do you respond at all when you get an email from a girl who says she'll organise a date when she has some spare time?
No, she's politely rejecting you.
 

Jeffst1980

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Pimp nailed it; don't play the 'waiting' game...and for a lunch date??

She's not that interested, so don't even respond.

However, since you have mutual friends, you will likely run into her in person sometime in the future, and that would be a good time to try to isolate her--remember, any encounter can turn into a "date"!! You'll have better luck running into her at a party than waxing philosophical over lunch. This current approach isn't going to get you anywhere.
 

handle

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Pimp-sicle said:
This advice is terrible, no offense Handle I know your just trying to help, but in this case your completely wrong here.

How is that handing her your balls? To me it's more like "Hm, so you kinda want to make plans but you're being vague so you're not interested enough in me. Ok, well you make the call then when you've figured out your plans, I don't really care." I'm fine with putting the ball in her court if we had a weak-ass date to begin with. Sometimes in this situation the girl actually is into you and she gets back to you. Other times she isn't, in which case who cares? This way you weed out the ones who aren't interested in you. I think we just have a different take on this.
 

The_411

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Handle,

It's lost cause. when a girl gets back to you after a week via e-mail ... IL is very low.... when she puts you into a lunch date on her time frame you're just about sunk. She basically doing it out courtesy and to have someone to lunch with.

Frankly, this thing was doomed from the beginning. Why he got the girl's e-mail is beyond me. He should have gotten her number from girl while he was still there or worst case get her number. The get the e-mail from a mutual friend smacks of a lack of balls because e-mail takes sucks away the energy and sextual tension that a call can have.
 
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