Do we really need all these rules? Or just congruency?

[Konada]

I refer you to this post by Interceptor:

A 'crisis' may happen when the individual does not have the resources to deal with the situation in a confident and mature manner.

Say a guy makes a rule to never call the next day after a date.
Which is perfectly fine.
But one day he just says 'Fvck it, I'll call anyway." And everything is fine.
He may realize that any outcome he coudl have handled anyway.
Since the notion is to not appear to eager and needy.
But if you TRULY ARE NOT eager and needy, it doesnt really matter what you do, youre always congruent and have the confidence to deal with anybody's perceptions of you.
If you truly recognize your worth and value, and have strong self esteem and arent adversely affected by people's reactions to you, you will not see these situations as 'crises'.
The guy who doesnt have confidence in himself will see this as a threat to his 'image' and his own self image, because he is trying to protect his ego.

And, because he places too much importance on another's 'judgement' of him.

We have to realize that we are NOT responsible for another persons perceptions or judgments of us.
We never had control over their 'filters' as it were.

So we have to be willing to allow others to see us however they see us.


This is where FAITH in our selves is needed.
We need to have faith in ourselves, our belief in ourselves, that we are true to ourselves regardless of how others may think we are.

Allow people to do that.
Be free of that.

Liberate yourself and get that peace of mind.
You never had control over that other person's experiences. You cannot somehow magically inject Respect and Self Esteem and clear thinking in another person.
Realize this.

Always remember, that one must RECOGNIZE Respect, by receiving it and giving it, and possessing self respect.

If someone disrespects you, it is out of ignorance and a Lack of Repect, self respect and given respect.

Dont sink to their level.

It is up to them to develop themselves, have self respect , compassion and consideration and accurate thinking, not us.
I cant take 100 yoga classes, and therapy sessions for a person so they can see me in my true authentic 'light', can I?

So if that person sees me as 'needy' or 'too eager' based on their incorrect assumptions, how can I be responsible for that?
Especially knowing deep in my heart that I truly am not either.

It's their filters. Not mine.


So I need to be congruent with myself FOR myself, and others whom I care about benefit from my congruency. As it is part of my value to them.

The minute I give up my power to them, is the moment I am no longer true to my inner self. That is when most guys panic, and see this as a threat.
Because of the 'rule' that they created in their head.

"Dont call or else she'll think you're a needy wuss! Dont do it , man! For God's sake!!"

Which is all just some misguided notion.

Youre worrying about someone and something you cant 'control',youre giving too much importance to an event and a person.

This is only causes hurt.
And it is actually immature. And misinformed.


True Identity is the collection of VALUES you posses, regardless of the current 'persona' you may have created for yourself.

One's VALUES are infinitely more important than what kind of cologne you wear, or the kind of car you drive...

Beliefs CAN change.

To hold on to belief out of ignorance, and especially when shown an alternate view is misguided and incorrect, and leads to suffering and confusion.


To let go of a self limiting belief because one of your Values is that you want to learn and GROW as a person, is your Identity speaking.


Your Identity is not your mind or image.....

Excuse me for my english if you find it awkward.

We often preach on this site that we shouldn't care how others perceive us as long as we remain true to ourselves. So why the need to tell others in need in advice to:

Don't text/call in 3 days after date
Wait 1 week before scheduling
Tell her you're 'busy' even if you can make it if she counteroffers etc.

Aren't all these rules already violating the very principles of which we base ourselves upon on? To help others perceive us as being non-needy?

I've been on the receiving end of such kind of advice given when I was still new to this DJ stuff, but as I went along and grew I realized that such rules started to conflict my values because I've learnt to become non-needy.

This chick who flaked on me with a 'legit excuse' I decided to give her another chance to see her interest or lack thereof by calling her in a week's time. However I can say that the entire week has been one of the longest in my life because I didn't want to waste my emotions/effort waiting for an answer that would definitely be a 'no'. In the end, I broke the rule and called her up in after 4 days. It has been a huge relief since then and I've moved on the very moment she rejected.

I'm not saying that these rules aren't helpful in allowing newbies to attract women more. But shouldn't we as DJs preach the principles behind the rules? If one is congruent I believe that one does not have to resort to such tricks to prove that he's non-needy, confident of himself to others. But rather act in favor of only himself, to feel confident about himself.

What are your views on rules vs real congruency?

 

[Chamber36]

I remember when I started learning about game and being unpredictable I would overanalyse everything. I figured if I said I would text on thursday that meant I would have to text on another day simply for the sake of being unpredictable.

Now I think the rules in my signature are more than enough for me to come across respectable. I do think people should adhere to a minimum of rules. For example: "don't fvck fatties". Rules are really about maintaining self-respect imho. Not only are rules about setting certain boundaries for yourself not to pass, so that you know you can respect yourself, but by setting up certain rules you also set boundaries which other people cannot cross, causing them to respect you more as well.

However we must remember what Pook said: Be not contained by formula.

There is an exception to every rule.

 

[Mike32ct]

We all carry a certain amount of insecurities with us. Unfortunately, some of it "leaks out" and shows through our body language, facial expressions, actions, voice tone, etc. Then women pick up on that and it can hurt the attraction.

These rules are used to try to reduce the "leakage" or attempt to cover up insecurities. They are very helpful for newbies and intermediate guys. Even a few advanced guys still use them.

The more confident/advanced the guy is, the less insecurities he has, so he has less of a need for rules to hide the insecurities.

For example, I recommend that newbies and intermediate guys not make fun of themselves (ie use self-deprecating humor) in front of girls. But a very confident guy can say "I'm a loser with no friends" or "I have a small d@ck" and the women will laugh and be MORE attracted to him because they don't sense insecurity "leaking out" when he says it. They just see him as funny and confident in his own skin.

 

[Mike32ct]

At the highest level of the game, there are NO rules. You do whatever the F you want.

But a less confident guy might want to keep his phone conversations short AS A RULE to minimize leakage (of insecurities). Or he should wait to call so he doesn't sound too eager. The super confident guy can call whenever he wants and talk for as long as he wants.

I hope that helps.

Alternatively, I suppose a newbie or intermediate could challenge himself to drop all rules from the beginning. Just don't care and "follow your d@ck" as dbot says. But this takes b@lls, a very thick skin, and hopefully some discretion lol.