Do people simply become less interesting after having kids?

[speakeasy]

Have you guys found this to be the case? Do people generally become less interesting after having kids, or is it just that their priorities have changed so much that you just don't relate to them as much?

Is it just inevitable that having kids makes people, for lack of a better word, just more boring in general? I know this isn't always the case*, but I often see it.


* Think of Bear Grylls, pretty damn interesting guy and he has a wife and kids.

 

[theunflushables]

Yes, yes they do. They go from interesting people who had exciting lives to people who's only thing they have to talk about is how little Bobby or Jane did this or that and bleah bleah bleah.

 

[SmoothTalker]

I'm still a bit young for most of my friends to have had kids yet, but some have started, and for the most part you're right.

I think it's not too surprising, being an interesting and exciting person comes mostly from doing interesting and exciting things (which you can than share/talk about/learn from).

Kids eat up absurd amounts of time and if you somehow have some time left, you probably won't have any disposable income. Thus you become boring because you never do anything interesting.

 

[Warrior74]

Yup, you have new interests that single/childless people can't understand. The mona lisa is nothing compared to a drawing your kid made for you. I enjoy my weekends with my daughter more than I enjoy my weekends out at the club. I know the club inside and out...been there and done that. But being a dad, that's a whole different adventure that is gonna last a life time. Plus it forces you to grow up a bit. Give up some **** that isn't all that good for you anyway. My interests are some what the same, literature, film, art, science. But I don't have the time to stay on top of it like I used to. The good news is that I'm forced to be more focused on my goals and I'm becoming more successful. That being said, I'm a weekend Dad. I could only imagine how little a full time Dad would be able to accomplish as women these days demand all of your time and attention at home.

 

[Colossus]

Yea its understandable.

When you have kids life's not all about you anymore.

 

[azanon]

I think there's largely a general misunderstanding and issue of perception. Younger (read: childless) individuals tend to view reckless, unplanned, impulsive, and unorganized behavior as interesting behavior. Kids often necessarily force you to mature in these areas. So yeah by that definition, they get less interesting.

 

[lakeshore]

when your friends have kids and you don't, it blows.

yes, they become boring, lame, and gay.

ok, i'm exaggerating a bit. (but not that much)

 

[speakeasy]

I think it all goes beyond them merely having other priorities and having to tend to family duties, sometimes it seems like they just have the life sucked out of them.

 

[blinkwatt101]

I've heard it from my friends about me after I got my dogs,who I spend a lot of time with. 'Your boring,your don't want to do anything anymore'

It's just a matter of priorities.

Do you want to go out with your friends and chase women or stay in with your family and have a good time. Frankly I just got tired of the 1st and my dogs bring me a joy and happiness to my life that few people have these past years,which why I opt for them 90% of the time.

I thought a few friends of mine that had kids became 'boring' but I kinda see what it's all about now.

 

[Kailex]

When you don't have kids, you have ALLLLLL this free time to do all of the stuff you want to do.

Perfect example:

I'm single and with no kids, so I can go to a movie theatre any time at any day and watch any movie. I have a friend (married with two children) who can't even remember the last time he went to the theatre to see a movie HE wanted to see.

Is his scenario less interesting to me? Yes.
But is mine less interesting to him? Yes.

His enjoyment comes from going to see a kids' movie with his children and them having a good time with their father. Mine comes from being able to maintain my freedom and do whatever I want, when I want.

It just depends on which side of the spectrum you are. Trust me, a lot of married people complain about the work that comes with having children but would never change their children for being able to go out to bars or pick up women or anything like that.

It's all a matter of perspective.

 

[speakeasy]

When you don't have kids, you have ALLLLLL this free time to do all of the stuff you want to do.

Perfect example:

I'm single and with no kids, so I can go to a movie theatre any time at any day and watch any movie. I have a friend (married with two children) who can't even remember the last time he went to the theatre to see a movie HE wanted to see.

Is his scenario less interesting to me? Yes.
But is mine less interesting to him? Yes.

His enjoyment comes from going to see a kids' movie with his children and them having a good time with their father. Mine comes from being able to maintain my freedom and do whatever I want, when I want.

It just depends on which side of the spectrum you are. Trust me, a lot of married people complain about the work that comes with having children but would never change their children for being able to go out to bars or pick up women or anything like that.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Yeah, I figured it was something like that. I'm 33, unmarried with no kids, and to be honest, have little desire to get married or have any kids at this time. Not saying it won't eventually happen, it's just something I could care less about for the time being. Last year I took a 2 month adventure traveling across S. America, meeting all kinds of people, having a ton of fun, hang gliding over Rio de Janeiro, hiking in the Andes and sh*t like that. I look forward to doing more stuff like that. Once you have the kids, wifey, big mortgage and all, you can kiss that stuff goodbye. So sometimes, I talk to people my age with families and while I don't look down on that lifestyle in any way, there's definitely a disconnect. One long time buddy, probably the one married guy I relate most to says even though he loves his wife and kids, he advised me not to ever get married. Just have girlfriends, travel and kick it. The time I do go birthday parties or hang around couples all giddy about their kids saying some new word, my eyes can start to glaze over. I understand their excitement though, I have a baby niece, my only and when she does new things, it's awesome. So I know I'd probably be doubly excited if my own kid was doing these things. But just like looking at someone else's family vacation photos, it's uninteresting when it's someone else's experience.

 

[seagull]

I can't stand people who blabber on about their kids all the time. Yes, they do become less interesting yet most of them do not realise it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Modern parents obsess over their kids a lot more than when I was young. Thirty years ago, having children was a complement to your life. Today, it IS your life. Parents think their lives have to revolve around entertaining a child. The kid typically gets cartoons 20 hrs a day, and then when a little older, they start being taken to every sort of lesson or activity possible. It's like it's child abuse if your 6 year-old does not have more hobbies than you.

All of this is one giant failure of parenting. Kids don't want to be the center of the universe. They don't want parents with no lives except obsessing over the kids.

 

[FairShake]

I think you may be grossly overestimating the interestingness of most single people. Most conversations are about sports, stuff you are paying for or want to pay for, and talking sh!t about people you know. Married people can talk about, and do talk about, that too. There are many exceptions but that is the rule.

Plus, once you get to a certain age, people without kids start taking on the lonely guy (or girl...especially women) persona. They talk way too much about themselves and the little inane details of their life. Or they are just generally grumpy and don't seem to like life that much. Like virtually anyone else who spends too much time alone. There is a certain void in their lives that I think children fill. Not that that is the main reason to have kids. Just something I've noticed.

 

[speakeasy]

I think you may be grossly overestimating the interestingness of most single people. Most conversations are about sports, stuff you are paying for or want to pay for, and talking sh!t about people you know. Married people can talk about, and do talk about, that too. There are many exceptions but that is the rule.

Could be. What really got me wondering about this is facebook. All the people that post pretty interesting things are single people. Then there are the married people posting nonstop about the latest word their kid said and you wonder if they are interested in nothing else anymore but their kids, going to work and watching TV. Some say that kids take all that extra time, but then I heard that the average American watches like 6 hours of TV a day on average, so think of all that time that could be spent doing something else but sitting on the couch.

Anyway, if I ever get around to having kids, I hope I can maintain an active life and have more things to talk about with people than little Johnny's now being potty trained.

 

[Warrior74]

Could be. What really got me wondering about this is facebook. All the people that post pretty interesting things are single people. Then there are the married people posting nonstop about the latest word their kid said and you wonder if they are interested in nothing else anymore but their kids, going to work and watching TV. Some say that kids take all that extra time, but then I heard that the average American watches like 6 hours of TV a day on average, so think of all that time that could be spent doing something else but sitting on the couch.

Anyway, if I ever get around to having kids, I hope I can maintain an active life and have more things to talk about with people than little Johnny's now being potty trained.

I don't know any married men of dads who post about their kids regularly on facebook, I see that more from women. And the few guys who do, only women respond to it. It's a chic thing for sure.

 

[FairShake]

Could be. What really got me wondering about this is facebook. All the people that post pretty interesting things are single people. Then there are the married people posting nonstop about the latest word their kid said and you wonder if they are interested in nothing else anymore but their kids, going to work and watching TV. Some say that kids take all that extra time, but then I heard that the average American watches like 6 hours of TV a day on average, so think of all that time that could be spent doing something else but sitting on the couch.

Anyway, if I ever get around to having kids, I hope I can maintain an active life and have more things to talk about with people than little Johnny's now being potty trained.

Well, I have a daughter who takes up alot of my time. And I am limited from doing certain things like backpacking through Europe. And I do spend more than my fair share of time watching TV...and it is usually some pretty kiddie stuff.

But I also play in a blues-rock band, am a volunteer firefighter, and work as an ER nurse. I have stories galore both about my child and my life. I have dreams and goals too. My life is conventional and may be boring to hear about but I don't consider it boring to live.

And ultimately I guess it's about how you feel about your life. If you find it interesting others will too. Usually. And if they don't it shouldn't matter.

 

[Colossus]

I think you may be grossly overestimating the interestingness of most single people. Most conversations are about sports, stuff you are paying for or want to pay for, and talking sh!t about people you know. Married people can talk about, and do talk about, that too. There are many exceptions but that is the rule.

Plus, once you get to a certain age, people without kids start taking on the lonely guy (or girl...especially women) persona. They talk way too much about themselves and the little inane details of their life. Or they are just generally grumpy and don't seem to like life that much. Like virtually anyone else who spends too much time alone. There is a certain void in their lives that I think children fill. Not that that is the main reason to have kids. Just something I've noticed.

Wise observations.

We talk a lot about the unmarried 30-40 something man just having girlfriends, traveling, and living the life. And there certainly are guys like that. But I think more often than not, the single adult is really looking to get married and assuage the boredom and gloominess of being alone.

I've known some older single guys who really enjoy life. But what they have in common is that most of them went through a nasty divorce, and have since seen the light and abandoned the idea of marriage. It's rare to find a guy who never married and is living that life...but I think we'll see more of that in the future. With women---they just tend to get more bitter and miserable the longer they go unmarried.

People were made for other people. I know that sounds trite but I personally don't believe man (nor woman) was meant to be alone. What is your life without friendships and love?? It's meaningless. Really it is. I have never met a lonely person who is truly happy; myself included.

Not to say you should marry just to avoid loneliness, but if a guy wants to live life as a bachelor I think he needs to make a conscious, daily effort to stay connected with other people; whether it be friends, family, or girlfriends.

 

[speakeasy]

Wise observations.

We talk a lot about the unmarried 30-40 something man just having girlfriends, traveling, and living the life. And there certainly are guys like that. But I think more often than not, the single adult is really looking to get married and assuage the boredom and gloominess of being alone.

I've known some older single guys who really enjoy life. But what they have in common is that most of them went through a nasty divorce, and have since seen the light and abandoned the idea of marriage. It's rare to find a guy who never married and is living that life...but I think we'll see more of that in the future. With women---they just tend to get more bitter and miserable the longer they go unmarried.

People were made for other people. I know that sounds trite but I personally don't believe man (nor woman) was meant to be alone. What is your life without friendships and love?? It's meaningless. Really it is. I have never met a lonely person who is truly happy; myself included.

Not to say you should marry just to avoid loneliness, but if a guy wants to live life as a bachelor I think he needs to make a conscious, daily effort to stay connected with other people; whether it be friends, family, or girlfriends.

I used to be that single guy that was all depressed about being single and hoped to be married. For some reason I'm not like that anymore. And I didn't even make a conscious effort to be. I'm only interested in making money, traveling and casual sex. At least for the time being. I may change in a couple years. But right now, having a wife and kids is something I couldn't care less about. Which is weird, because in my early 20s, I always hoped to be married by 30 and have kids and the dog and the whole family life. Hell, I even did the whole eharmony thing maybe 5 or 6 years ago, lol...until I saw how bad the quality of women was on that site. Maybe reading all this "game" stuff has corrupted my thinking. I do objectify women now more than ever and it's hard not to view them as conquests instead of people I want to be emotionally close to. I don't want to be attached to them or anything really. Maybe that will change, and for my own sake I hope it does at some point.

 

[MacBlast]

i think people become less interesting because when your a parent you have to set up daily routines because without them your kid will run the place. life is quite different because you wake up, get them dressed, drive them to daycare, go to work, pick them up, spend time with them, feed them supper, get them ready for bed, read them a story, hope they fall asleep so you can spend time with the wife, repeat daily. how fun is that to hear about to the single guy.

sure my friends think its lame when i tell them that my kid just took his first steps and that was the highlight of my day but that means more to me than going to some club playing music that i hate, hoping for some women to come and talk to me, and wasting my money on booze and getting hungover. been there done that and it was fun while it lasted. but someday when you become a parent you will learn sometimes the smallest stupidest things that children do beats going out everynight and partying, etc.

one day my friend came with me to get my kid at the daycare and when my kid had made me a drawing of a pirate ship that was just scribbles on a piece of paper and i smiled, he just didn't get it.