Do Parents Not Realize the Effects of Fighting on Kids?

[FutureSpartan]

I lost count of all the shouting matches and sometimes physical altercations my parents had. I still remember when I was 3 or 4 my mom had a breakdown and started throwing dishes and yelling at the top of her lungs.

Im 22 now, still living with my parents until December. They still fight, in fact, they just had another shouting match earlier tonight. Up until I was 14 or 15 I thought I could play mediator and try to help them...I would listen to my mom talk sh*t about dad and try to demonize him. It seemed I was my mom's emotional tampon whenever she was pissed off. Now I pretty much stay in my room and wait for things to fizzle out

Now I am starting to see the effects of all this constant hostility.

My younger brother disdains my parents, despite getting him in a private remedial high school to get his diploma because he was failing in public school. He is now in the armed forces and rushing to marry his high school sweetheart. He only calls mom and dad when he wants money or favors...otherwise I can tell he only tolerates them when he visits so he can be with his fiance.

My youngest brother has little direction and spends most of his day playing playstation. He is a senior in high school, does not have a car, and is not doing any long-term planning as far as his next big move. Heck he still hasnt taken his SAT's yet.

I turned out fine school/career wise....but I still have my own set of issues to work out.

Sorry Mom and Dad, you and the rest of the Baby Boomers are the most selfish generation to have existed

When they werent busy ruining the economy, they f*cked up our generation by their inability to sacrifice their pride and ego to raise NORMAL well-adjusted kids.

 

[mpimpin]

I understand a bit where your coming from. My parents had a very messy divorce and many years before and after that were nothing but late night shouting matches. I remember being young laying in bed trying to get just an hour or two of sleep before dad got home and the fighting started. Or staying up and listening to mom cry.

This kind of crap turns me off from wanting a relationship. I haven't really seen a positive one and even to this day when my roommate and his fiance start fighting I shudder a little bit and feel like that little boy again.

I just hope one day if I manage to have a family that I will think about my kids and even if I have issues with their mother try to keep it civil especially with kids in the house.

 

[(JJ)]

every generation is the most selfish generation.


that said, i think you're exactly right.

skip to last paragraph if you don't feel like reading a lot.
but i think this is a good post hah.

i can offer perspective from the other side of things. my parents had a storybook love and still do. they are getting old, and my mom is fat. but they still look into each other's eyes with deep love and admiration every day.

This love coupled with some good luck as far as parenting goes, has lead to me being very well adjusted, very intelligent, very successful, etc. as i get older, i realize more and more that i am different from other kids that didnt have the same advantage i had. these subtle differences manifest themselves in the way i approach things. i've also seen a successful working marriage that has brought tons of happiness to a total of 5 lives now.

my sister is a younger, girl version of me. straight a's, athletic, and well liked.

my brother is still very young, only in 5th grade, but the resemblance he bears to me is striking.

these things aren't fair. but life seldom is.

they lead to me making good choices.

i don't drink, i dont need the courage that alcohol provides, to be perfectly comfortable in my own skin at a party. i can be totally sober and be the life of the event, and make people laugh, cry, or just plain think deeply with me.

its a blessing. whether you're religious or not, it was given to me, and put in my lap for no reason. being religious, i know that god was looking out for me when he put me in the family he put me in. and i think he put you where you're at too. the really crazy religious people like to talk about how god never gives a person something they can't handle.

i like to believe that too, but its a lot easier for me to believe than some, given the ease of my life thus far.

im sorry for your situation bro. hopefully you can take the experiences you've gained watching your parents and bring them into a successful relationship yourself.

 

[DJDamage]

I come from two broken homes and its even worse the second time around when your stepfather yells at your mom and then also resent you because of your affiliation.

I can say without a doubt that being a part of a bad marriage as a kid will fvck you up for a long time especially when there is alot of yelling and disrespect going on.

The good thing about it is that it gives you a better more realistic perspective for the future then the majority of fools out there who ran to the alter chasing after a dream that 4 out of 5 will turn into a rached nightmare.

 

[DJinTraining06]

My parents use to have crazy screamin fits all the time, bickering every day, a big fight at least once a week and a mega fight every month or two with top of lungs screaming by my mom especially. My dad did it quieter and used to just leave after a lil bit of yelling back, but my mom would go apesh*t cuz he made her so mad. They were horrible for each other, and alot of it had to with the fact that my mom didn't respect my dad.

She never seemed to care that we were around when she was yelling, although she never really took her anger out on me and my sister. she was always good to us even right after a fight. But that fighting and tension in the air is just awful for a kid to grow up with. I started hearing it at 5 years old and it got worse and worse till i was in my late teens and they got a divorce. I think i def suffered from it. I used to go in my room with the door close and try to escape with video games, tv, computer etc. cuz it would make me so upset. I ended up growing up very detached, even with friends i always felt detached with people even to this day. I have a built in pessimism about people and life in general. My mom used to rip my father apart all the time and i think what that did was make me very aware of character flaws that people have especially my own and I became very insecure and shy. I also grew up with an awful temper and anytime someone disrespects me i acted disproprtionalteyl and ended up losing friends occasionally cuz of it. I was basically mimicing my mom without even thinkin bout it.

That being said, alot of people have it alot worse than you or I did so I guess we can't complain, but you broguht up a great point and I think your def right. It has a major affect on children. Im defintaley going to make a consious effort not to act that way in front of my children when i have them.

 

[FutureSpartan]

I don't want to make this as a "woe is me" thread. Whats done is done. I gotta recognize the effects and just work on not letting it affect my future relationships.

When I have kids, I will do my d*mned best to make sure they grow up in a stable, peaceful household

 

[Bible_Belt]

I lost count of all the shouting matches and sometimes physical altercations my parents had


me too. I used to envy other kids whose parents were divorced.

 

[mpimpin]

I lost count of all the shouting matches and sometimes physical altercations my parents had


me too. I used to envy other kids whose parents were divorced.

^^ My mistake editing your post. I was trying to quote you.
I envied the kids whose parents stayed divorced and away from each other not all the back and forth sh!t mine did/do