Do not change yourself for others

[Amo]

Saw this on reddit. Wasn't expecting something so insightful, but there you go.

When two people engage in dating and / or a relationship, both sides are usually seeking to have various needs filled. In the pursuit of that, they usually are offering some perceived quality, action, or thing in trade. Whether these things are money, friendship, connection, empathy, trust, sex, etc, there is most definitely a trade going on in most relations.

The things you bring to the table, so to speak, can be things like wealth and social influence, sex and youth, {insert more generic bull**** here}, but are more often things like "he's a funny guy" or "I like hanging out with him", etc. They are personality qualities desired by the other person.

If you replace your personality with their preferences, replace your hobbies with their hobbies, replace your free time with their free time, etc (pandering/being a butler), you have nothing left to bring to the table that they don't already have; therefore, your perceived value disappears.

So yes, you could hang out and talk about random stuff. Quite honestly, that is all half the dates I've ever been on have been. When you do that, you are hinging yourself on your personality and who you are, which is why I keep telling people to be their own person, to develop a persona that is unique, and not a copy of others or an attempt at being what others think you should be.

If you change, change only for yourself.
Otherwise, be your goddamn self.

 

[JasonTodd]

Saw this on reddit. Wasn't expecting something so insightful, but there you go.



If you change, change only for yourself.
Otherwise, be your goddamn self.

"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it." - Bruce Lee

Good post dude!

 

[White Boy]

Totally disagree. I havent clicked the link though

And I don't browse reddit cause i find it to be full of nerds

I'm totally fine with changing myself for others.

Here's my favorite quote of all-time

"Ten thousand fools proclaim themselves into obscurity, while one wise man forgets himself into immortality." -- Martin Luther KING

^^Pretty sure my boy MLK ripped that off ralpha waldo emerson. The origin quote is better. If someone finds the original quote, please message me

Basically, my opinion is people get so obsessed with trying to be different, they end up being like everyone else.

I get kind of tired with all the "be your own person" quotes. They're just empty quotes to me. I personally love connecting with people who think like me.

That's the way the internet is headed in 2013 and beyond. Connecting like-minded people all around the world

To me the leaders are the ones who lose themselves to serve others. Kind of like what this website was built on.

I would argue Pook changed himself for others. He changed himself, so he could help thousands of others on this website.

So yeah I have to disagree with the thread title If you're a negative, anti-social loser, you better believe you need to change yourself in order to communicate with the world around you lol



JUST MY THOUGHTS!!! Maybe I've been watching too much elliot HULSE!!!! lately. haha!!!

 

[LearningSlowly]

No White Boy, you would change yourself for yourself.

I would only change for others if I thought about their opinion and realized they were right. But after thinking about that, I'm really changing for myself, since I realized that I wasn't living up to my own standard.

 

[Amo]

No one said "be different". Just "be yourself".