Do most of us try too hard around women?

[bigdave17]

I find that I'm the most successful socially when I'm super genuine - meaning I don't care about impressing someone, I'm very comfortable with myself, I'm just trying to listen to the other person and have a quality interaction without caring at all about the outcome

My problem with women has always been 2 parts

1)Simply being too scared to approach - always seeing lots of obstacles in the way and just terrified of a bad response. Also extremely exaggerating women's standards in my head to where I feel like I have no chance anyways

2)Trying way too hard when I am around someone I like. I think a lot of this relates back to my first problem (exaggerating women's standards leads me to try to think of the perfect thing to say instead of just being natural and comfortable with myself) and also because I want it to happen so badly so I'm trying to force it to happen. Not trusting myself leads me to being scared to escalate the situation properly.

What have you guys done to trust yourself better to where you can be very comfortable and natural around women and you still have faith that they will like you?

 

[foolyoufool]

I find that I'm the most successful socially when I'm super genuine - meaning I don't care about impressing someone, I'm very comfortable with myself, I'm just trying to listen to the other person and have a quality interaction without caring at all about the outcome

My problem with women has always been 2 parts

1)Simply being too scared to approach - always seeing lots of obstacles in the way and just terrified of a bad response. Also extremely exaggerating women's standards in my head to where I feel like I have no chance anyways

2)Trying way too hard when I am around someone I like. I think a lot of this relates back to my first problem (exaggerating women's standards leads me to try to think of the perfect thing to say instead of just being natural and comfortable with myself) and also because I want it to happen so badly so I'm trying to force it to happen. Not trusting myself leads me to being scared to escalate the situation properly.

What have you guys done to trust yourself better to where you can be very comfortable and natural around women and you still have faith that they will like you?

Well in my experience...lots of girls won't like you. Period. But that's okay, because there are PLENTY of girls that will like you, so the sooner you can give THOSE girls your attention, the better!

This is an area for ongoing improvement for me too but I think I've been getting much better recently.

Read "How To Be a 3% Man," it's the best pick-up book I've read by far that deals with a lot of questions like this.

 

[user43770]

What have you guys done to trust yourself better to where you can be very comfortable and natural around women and you still have faith that they will like you?

The best answer is the one you least want to hear: practice.

There's no easy way. That's the only way.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

One of my problems is I don't try hard enough!

I feel like I just don't give a f*** at the moment. I guess I'm not meeting enough chicks, because I swear there's not a single woman in my life at the moment that I genuinely want to go to bed with. There's a couple I could sleep with, but I'm not even that into them.

Blargh. I guess getting yourself a proper set of options is Goal 1.

 

[Von]

One of my problems is I don't try hard enough!

I feel like I just don't give a f*** at the moment. I guess I'm not meeting enough chicks, because I swear there's not a single woman in my life at the moment that I genuinely want to go to bed with. There's a couple I could sleep with, but I'm not even that into them.

Blargh. I guess getting yourself a proper set of options is Goal 1.

It's a matter of knowing what you want and be ready to act/pay the price for it.

I am like you... some girls I could have them I know but I just don't feel like it lol.

Before I was told I "try to hard" aka ... you are desperate, trying to seek validation, acting like a girl.

Now, I am more in the "do you care"

The simple answer which took me 10 years to discover.... Know yourself/act on it... be honest in your intentions.

You can have all the courage/desire etc.. But until it's clear in your head.. Like a goal... you will give a vibe of "trying too hard"... especially if you have no options.

People with no options and who don't know themselves... are in the " trying too hard"

Because "trying too hard" also enter the category: "you trying to have a girl to fill a void"

If OP talked to 1 girl for each thread he made... he would have his answer and he would be telling us how is GF is perfect.

Approaching girls
Living experiences
Dealing with courage/rejection
Dealing with ONS/plateLTR

Are all gonna make you a better, more mature person

Until you got laid and know you can get laid... you'll be in the loser / trying too hard.

Because your lack of something, you project it.

Like OP total insecurities are reflected in his 700 threads which are all the same: I am the best, I am always improving, but I never get any girls, because my standards are high value, because she didn't quality, because the other person ain't x or y, because I am "not feeling it" but I know I could.

If you read/listen long enough people will tell you who they are and what they want/need.. Even their issues. Hence the 80% listening (BTW.. The more the other talk, the more the other feels importants/interested)

So OP shows he's seeking validation online for something he lacks in real life... and he's afraid or hasn't hit the bottom hard enough to make a change.. Or simply he doesnt care.

In my personal experience: it took me alot of approach and getting a plate, a ons, a ltr.. To have the girls stop saying a "try to hard" because subconsciously I want the girl to validate me without doing the proper work.

Like if the girl ain't interested, don't bother...
(You need practice to know the no-interest sign)

People who most absolutely be loved.. Try too hard all the time
Like OP in his threads, like Von (me) before I discovered the PUA etc.

 

[corrector]

Confidence spray is what you need and what I need. The right spray can create that bond that makes social interaction so much easier. I know 100% I would have an easier time if the right perfume, cologne, essential oil, soap infused with pheromones, or pheromones was sprayed on me. I went to the health food store the other day and found out the most expensive bottle of essential oil, Sandlewood, happens to be the one that's supposed to increase libido (i.e. enhance attraction from the opposite sex). They know this and probably mark up the price of the bottle. Only a spray away from the right product.

The mistake you are making is you are trying to reason, or use logic and trying to use the frontal lobe of the brain to solve a primal problem. You can't advise this thing away or seek advice, the brain itself has to be re-wired. The easiest way to do this is to manipulate smell. That is why essential oils work.

 

[Urbanyst]

There is no reason to be insecure or comfortable around women because your behavior around them generally DOESN'T MATTER.

Its about compatibility and SMV based on your LMS (looks, MONEY and status).

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I find that I'm the most successful socially when I'm super genuine - meaning I don't care about impressing someone, I'm very comfortable with myself, I'm just trying to listen to the other person and have a quality interaction without caring at all about the outcome

My problem with women has always been 2 parts

1)Simply being too scared to approach - always seeing lots of obstacles in the way and just terrified of a bad response. Also extremely exaggerating women's standards in my head to where I feel like I have no chance anyways

2)Trying way too hard when I am around someone I like. I think a lot of this relates back to my first problem (exaggerating women's standards leads me to try to think of the perfect thing to say instead of just being natural and comfortable with myself) and also because I want it to happen so badly so I'm trying to force it to happen. Not trusting myself leads me to being scared to escalate the situation properly.

What have you guys done to trust yourself better to where you can be very comfortable and natural around women and you still have faith that they will like you?

The "try hard" comes from our desire for her and proving our worth. It's best to treat people similarly well regardless of looks. We need to vet and filter them. It doesn't take long for someone to show their highly interested. Some of the more experienced guys never pedastalled the babes.