"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Do I kick her out the neighbourhood?

Cabal

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Quick recap from the last few years;

Dated a girl for three years. She was cheating on me. I didn't know for sure who with, but I knew. Dumped her. Within a month she was officially in a relationship with, and moved in with, her promoted bit on the side. We all worked for the same company. Went no contact.

Six months later she made contact wanting to salvage a friendship. I told her no but in the interests of closure I'll meet with her as I have a few things to say. The boyfriend made contact asking to meet me too. I told him I had a few things to express to him too so fine. They both bottled it and told me they were dying from swine flu and then went no contact.

I was obviously quite miffed at being made a fool of twice, and no longer kept it under wraps, when asked, what happened with me and her (remember this is only six months after a three year relationship). So it quickly became common knowledge she was cheating on me with her new boyfriend.

She didn't like being painted as the villain, neither did he, and in what surely must be temporary insanity (probably not), they told people she was cheating on me with him because I was beating her up. This quickly spread and became a plague I knew nothing about.

Things reached fever pitch (this is now one year post break up) with people starting on me for being a woman beater, girls cancelling dates (including one half way through after running into a friend) because of what they 'knew' about me, people at work refusing to work with me behind my back and area management, knowing what their reason was ('he hit his girlfriend'), moving peoples shifts around to avoid a fuss (which of course gave credibility to this plague). An employee finally blew the whistle and it ended up with a lawsuit from me against the company.

Six people lost their jobs. The girl in question left the company like a coward, so did he, and I chose not to pursue them outside of the company in court because they were now expecting a baby.

That act of mercy has come back to haunt me. Although the plague has subsided (as one would expect when six people get crucified), I still occasionally come across walkers (my little Walking Dead slang term for people infected by this nonsense) now and then. But now I'm expecting a massive re-run; the girl in question and her boyfriend have moved into a house fifty yards from my house (same house she basically lived in with me, she knows it) and thirty yards from my workplace (I'm still with the same place, same company, again she knows it).

I consider this, with no attempt to make peace from their camp, as a hostile act. I've sought legal advice and have been told I can apply for a retro active restraining order thanks to all the paperwork from the process of the lawsuit, citing that it was not originally necessary because proximity was not an issue, but now that she has chosen this residence it can only be considered a hostile act, and a minimum safe distance must be enforced from both my residence and place of work. It would be active and served within 96 hours and the council would legally be forced to evict them immediately.

Of course, I'm wrestling the choice to throw out an entire family unit (the kid has done nothing to me). But on the other hand, I think it's finally time an example be made, because the line I feel has to be drawn here.

Advice?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Purefilth

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sounds fair to me, all things considered.
 

backseatjuan

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If your living quarters have become all filthy like a piglet den then it's time to find new territory. In your area you are known as a women beater and a rat, now if you throw the kid out you'll be known as a faggot as well. Just my .02 cents.
 

sylvester the cat

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If the family have committed an act of hostility then the consequences of those actions and how they affect their child lies squarely with them and not you.

I would have drawn the line at slander myself.
 

Iceberg

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Seems like a whole lot of effort to put into some trashy ex who's no longer a part of your life.

Whatever lies she said about you are already out there. So, there's no new damage coming from that. Seems to me that your whole restraining order idea is more about revenge and less about anything practical.

And revenge is a waste of time. Your revenge should be not caring about her. Giving a trashy girl some new drama is like giving candy to a kid.

If you win, then you've dedicated money, time, and resources to getting some loser couple moved out of your loser neighborhood. And if you lose, then you'd just dedicated money and time to nothing. Other than showing your ex how angry you still are.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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TonyBaloney

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I remember your case from about 8 months ago, when u were feeling the pinch from the "walkes"

You came on after an altercation at a bar.

I sincerely feel for you. You have acted with integrity and decency. I WOULD get a restraining order as these people are toxic, and another episode might come from them if they think that you have forgotten all about it (but they may still be harbouring grudges)

Do it to safeguard yourself.....you never know what a late night and a few beers could cause............
 
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