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Do I have mental issues? 1) Hard time adopting IDGF 2) feeling guilty after getting laid.

harrison9876

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Okay...so...backstory.

I was on the forum 12 years ago (another username), with around 3000+posts. Knew the bible inside and out...and was VERY successful with my energy around women, to the point where everyone noticed. I remember guys in school saying, "how do you do it man?" This forum was a massive help.

To be honest, I wasn't "doing" anything. I was C&F...hugged girls I knew when I saw them...and was always initiating Kino. I was "friendly" with every girl there. Nothing more.

I could have had pretty much any girl in my class...and ended hooking up with a HB9 Model.

Those were the best days of my life, hands down.

When things turned into a HUGE mess with this girl...my life (and confidence) fell apart...drastically.

I fell into a depression, and ended up chasing this HB9...it was VERY hard for me to walk away, because I was addicted to how she made me feel, and how AMAZINGLY confident I felt around her. Then I found myself addicted to the chase with this girl in a severe case of oneitis - and this girl was even an alcoholic. Hot as hell...but had obvious issues. She wasn't good for me at all.

Her and I were back and forth for years (the odd hook-up here and there)...and I never looked at another girl the same way...and did not even date - I was always comparing.

Looking back, I should have NEVER let her back in my life. I should have adopted the IDGF attitude years ago and move on...but I didn't.

My dating life is and always has been TERRIBLE. Every girl I have been with since I was 19 was basically a casual hook-up...that turned into something more. There was no real "dating" involved...and I was NEVER that into any of these girls. After I slept with them, I felt awful and did not want to be around them - I just wanted to leave the room. I guess I crash hard, maybe...I dunno what it is. But I feel guilty as shyt every time I finish. This happens with every girl.

I also tend to be interested in girls who have little interest...and NOT interested in girls who do. It is like the moment they really like me, I am turned off (?)

After about what was maybe 4 years of back and forth with HB9...I withdrew into being what I felt was a smouldering piece of crap...and got married to a girl I met after about 6 months of knowing her.

The marriage was terrible. It was pretty much over the moment it started, but we kept things together (or at least tried to). I cannot get into too many details, but I was actually stuck a marriage I could not get out of...and as the years went on, I started to hate her...hate my life...hate myself. She was manipulative and had serious mental issues that eventually reflected back onto me.

The only good thing that came out of the marriage was that she helped me start my own company (that I am now the sole owner of).

I work from home, so for the past 3 years all I have been doing is working, auditioning, acting. Friends I had have all moved away...and I have literally been stuck in the same routine every day. Get up, take dog out, go to gym, work, take dog out, go to bed. I would say I definitely have been leading a life of loneliness for years. Just me...no one else.

Earlier in the year I was starting to feel like I am coming out of whatever lonely sad existence I have been stuck in. My auditions were kicking ass...I was back to writing...my confidence was on the way up...aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnd...I met a girl I really liked. I mentioned her another thread (actress who I was helping with on her auditions).

I was playing it pretty cool with her...but as look back...I played it TOTALLY wrong from the beginning...and got myself into a friendzone AFC position of liking a girl who has NO interest in my whatsoever...and me trying to get her attention.

I had NO CLUE what was going on until I came back to the forum, to have others objective point out the harsh reality.

As she was just talking to me as a way to use me to help her with her auditions, the obvious decision was to ghost her, and re-adopt (what I should have done to begin with), a IDGF attitude.

Easy right?

Nope...not for me. This is where I get into the reason for the thread.

I thought it would be really easy. I tossed her number...thought of reasons to dislike her (the fact that she only talks to me when she wants something from me is a big one).

One day I go to bed not giving a shyt if I speak to this girl again.

Next day, I am like, "wait a sec...we haven't spoken in 2 weeks I think she ghosted me FIRST!"...fvck...

Next day, I re-save her number back to my phone..."in-case" I may need to reach out to her someday (yeah...seriously) - AFC as shyt

Next day I am hoping she calls, just so I can ignore her call and not respond (get the upper hand on the ghosting).

Next day, I tell myself, "dude...she only cared about USING you..."...so I delete her number again.

Next day, I am like, "nah...we just mis-communicated...just be friends with her...you can do that...right?" So I add her number back into my phone.

Next day, I am sad she did not call...and embarrassed I even liked her in the first place, and possibly made a fool of myself in the process.

Next day, I envision her laughing at me..."hahaha...what I loser...cannot believe that guy thought I would even like him"...so her number gets deleted again.


The cycle goes on.


I know a lot of this mental fvck-up is due to the fact that I have NO OTHER OPTIONS...and focused solely on this one girl. AFC Oneitis.

I am trying to adopt the IDGF attitude...but the problem is I do give a fvck. And I think it is ALL EGO.

Though I look like I am 30...in reality I am 45...and feeling like I am getting desperate. I have been single for a loooooong time now...and I cannot help to wonder what the hell my life is going to be like in 10 years.


So...

1) does anyone else feel guilty after getting laid?

2) has anyone else been totally on their game...but then reverted to AFC, and unable to get back? If so, what did you to get get back?

3) has anyone found it hard to adopt the IDGF attitude?

4) do any of the older members get concerned with age?


TIA
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Strong wall of text is strong
o_O

We aren't your psychologist. Who knows? Maybe. If anything is true, very blue pill. The destruction of a man seems to be the precipice of blue and purple pill. Men who kill themselves are classic examples but its a lifetime experience to the blue pill.
 

Kotaix

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Though I look like I am 30...in reality I am 45...and feeling like I am getting desperate. I have been single for a loooooong time now...and I cannot help to wonder what the hell my life is going to be like in 10 years.

1) does anyone else feel guilty after getting laid?

2) has anyone else been totally on their game...but then reverted to AFC, and unable to get back? If so, what did you to get get back?

3) has anyone found it hard to adopt the IDGF attitude?

4) do any of the older members get concerned with age?


TIA
First off, stop thinking/worrying about what you can't control and take action on what you CAN control. Not tomorrow, now.

To answer your questions:

1) No. I think your christianity is f*cking with your head bigtime. You should seek some kind of counseling or explore other faiths that aren't moralizing in the way christianity is. Are you afraid of hell or something?

2) Anyone can do this given the wrong woman. They're always crazy b!tches that do this to men. This is the unfortunate dichotomy of hot women.

3) Very few people are able to switch to the IDGAF attititude without something horribly traumatic to b!tch slap them into it. All red pill men must fight blue pill conditioning every day of their life. Your situation is normal.

4)The older I get, the easier I find it to pick up women. Young men (and young people in general) get ****y and think they know everything when in reality they're dumbasses. That said... I've been thru what you're talking about, but it's all in your head.

I strongly suggest you look into buddhism or stoicism. You need to change the way you view the world. There is nothing wrong with the world, there is only something wrong with the way you see it.
 

harrison9876

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I appreciate the comments...but...

Huh?

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm...this has NOTHING to do with religion...so not really sure how you are coming to that conclusion?
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

corrector

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Fornication is a sin so you should feel guilty. Do you consider yourself a Christian or were you brought uo as one? The only resolution is to marry before getting laid.
 

harrison9876

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Fornication is a sin so you should feel guilty. Do you consider yourself a Christian or were you brought uo as one? The only resolution is to marry before getting laid.

I will assume that is a joke...

Good thing I am not religious...
 

corrector

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I will assume that is a joke...

Good thing I am not religious...
Not in the slightest. God speaks to us through our conscience sometimes. I speak what others cant say. I got married before I got laid so I am no hypocrite with this advice.
 

Spaz

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Not in the slightest. God speaks to us through our conscience sometimes. I speak what others cant say. I got married before I got laid so I am no hypocrite with this advice.
Well you got married to a divorcee who not only is NOT a virgin but has also left you....,you must have made a deep impression.
 

Spaz

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Okay...so...backstory.

I was on the forum 12 years ago (another username), with around 3000+posts. Knew the bible inside and out...and was VERY successful with my energy around women, to the point where everyone noticed. I remember guys in school saying, "how do you do it man?" This forum was a massive help.

To be honest, I wasn't "doing" anything. I was C&F...hugged girls I knew when I saw them...and was always initiating Kino. I was "friendly" with every girl there. Nothing more.

I could have had pretty much any girl in my class...and ended hooking up with a HB9 Model.

Those were the best days of my life, hands down.

When things turned into a HUGE mess with this girl...my life (and confidence) fell apart...drastically.

I fell into a depression, and ended up chasing this HB9...it was VERY hard for me to walk away, because I was addicted to how she made me feel, and how AMAZINGLY confident I felt around her. Then I found myself addicted to the chase with this girl in a severe case of oneitis - and this girl was even an alcoholic. Hot as hell...but had obvious issues. She wasn't good for me at all.

Her and I were back and forth for years (the odd hook-up here and there)...and I never looked at another girl the same way...and did not even date - I was always comparing.

Looking back, I should have NEVER let her back in my life. I should have adopted the IDGF attitude years ago and move on...but I didn't.

My dating life is and always has been TERRIBLE. Every girl I have been with since I was 19 was basically a casual hook-up...that turned into something more. There was no real "dating" involved...and I was NEVER that into any of these girls. After I slept with them, I felt awful and did not want to be around them - I just wanted to leave the room. I guess I crash hard, maybe...I dunno what it is. But I feel guilty as shyt every time I finish. This happens with every girl.

I also tend to be interested in girls who have little interest...and NOT interested in girls who do. It is like the moment they really like me, I am turned off (?)

After about what was maybe 4 years of back and forth with HB9...I withdrew into being what I felt was a smouldering piece of crap...and got married to a girl I met after about 6 months of knowing her.

The marriage was terrible. It was pretty much over the moment it started, but we kept things together (or at least tried to). I cannot get into too many details, but I was actually stuck a marriage I could not get out of...and as the years went on, I started to hate her...hate my life...hate myself. She was manipulative and had serious mental issues that eventually reflected back onto me.

The only good thing that came out of the marriage was that she helped me start my own company (that I am now the sole owner of).

I work from home, so for the past 3 years all I have been doing is working, auditioning, acting. Friends I had have all moved away...and I have literally been stuck in the same routine every day. Get up, take dog out, go to gym, work, take dog out, go to bed. I would say I definitely have been leading a life of loneliness for years. Just me...no one else.

Earlier in the year I was starting to feel like I am coming out of whatever lonely sad existence I have been stuck in. My auditions were kicking ass...I was back to writing...my confidence was on the way up...aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnd...I met a girl I really liked. I mentioned her another thread (actress who I was helping with on her auditions).

I was playing it pretty cool with her...but as look back...I played it TOTALLY wrong from the beginning...and got myself into a friendzone AFC position of liking a girl who has NO interest in my whatsoever...and me trying to get her attention.

I had NO CLUE what was going on until I came back to the forum, to have others objective point out the harsh reality.

As she was just talking to me as a way to use me to help her with her auditions, the obvious decision was to ghost her, and re-adopt (what I should have done to begin with), a IDGF attitude.

Easy right?

Nope...not for me. This is where I get into the reason for the thread.

I thought it would be really easy. I tossed her number...thought of reasons to dislike her (the fact that she only talks to me when she wants something from me is a big one).

One day I go to bed not giving a shyt if I speak to this girl again.

Next day, I am like, "wait a sec...we haven't spoken in 2 weeks I think she ghosted me FIRST!"...fvck...

Next day, I re-save her number back to my phone..."in-case" I may need to reach out to her someday (yeah...seriously) - AFC as shyt

Next day I am hoping she calls, just so I can ignore her call and not respond (get the upper hand on the ghosting).

Next day, I tell myself, "dude...she only cared about USING you..."...so I delete her number again.

Next day, I am like, "nah...we just mis-communicated...just be friends with her...you can do that...right?" So I add her number back into my phone.

Next day, I am sad she did not call...and embarrassed I even liked her in the first place, and possibly made a fool of myself in the process.

Next day, I envision her laughing at me..."hahaha...what I loser...cannot believe that guy thought I would even like him"...so her number gets deleted again.


The cycle goes on.


I know a lot of this mental fvck-up is due to the fact that I have NO OTHER OPTIONS...and focused solely on this one girl. AFC Oneitis.

I am trying to adopt the IDGF attitude...but the problem is I do give a fvck. And I think it is ALL EGO.

Though I look like I am 30...in reality I am 45...and feeling like I am getting desperate. I have been single for a loooooong time now...and I cannot help to wonder what the hell my life is going to be like in 10 years.


So...

1) does anyone else feel guilty after getting laid?

2) has anyone else been totally on their game...but then reverted to AFC, and unable to get back? If so, what did you to get get back?

3) has anyone found it hard to adopt the IDGF attitude?

4) do any of the older members get concerned with age?


TIA
You're still stuck with ur blue pill conditioning, something momma thought you during childhood and has remained ever since.
 

peeps

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No you don't have mental issues but as others have suggested, though I think you are having the colloquial mid-life crisis.

You clearly don't have problems getting women, so fundementally I think your crisis boils down to the question of where do you want your life to go? Do you want to continue your lifestyle of work, gym sleep, repeat. Or do you want the 9-5 with a girl, possibly some kids and settle down. You say you are very lonely so maybe the latter is what you really want. Not everyone is built for the no women no problems life. It can be very lonely as you have found.

I suggest you do some real soul searching and figure out what you truly want because you sound torn. The most important thing here is making a decision and sticking to it. The worst thing to do is making no decision. Time is a factor here ultimately you are not getting any younger in your 40s. If you want to settle down just do it and get on locking down a lady for your life.
 

Kotaix

Master Don Juan
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No you don't have mental issues but as others have suggested, though I think you are having the colloquial mid-life crisis.

You clearly don't have problems getting women, so fundementally I think your crisis boils down to the question of where do you want your life to go? Do you want to continue your lifestyle of work, gym sleep, repeat. Or do you want the 9-5 with a girl, possibly some kids and settle down. You say you are very lonely so maybe the latter is what you really want. Not everyone is built for the no women no problems life. It can be very lonely as you have found.

I suggest you do some real soul searching and figure out what you truly want because you sound torn. The most important thing here is making a decision and sticking to it. The worst thing to do is making no decision. Time is a factor here ultimately you are not getting any younger in your 40s. If you want to settle down just do it and get on locking down a lady for your life.
I'm going to agree with this.

I think you're holding on to some childhood fantasy about how life was supposed to turn out and it's burning a hole in you because you keep looking back and seeing how it didn't work out that way. I think this is common to most men.

Stop looking back or holding on to the past and start moving forward with your life.
 

Londonguy101

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1) does anyone else feel guilty after getting laid? No, trust me when I say women are hard-coded to be a lot more mercenary than you about getting what they want (security, status elevation) than you. This is strongly linked to evolutionary reasons - that 9 month gestation period makes the stakes a lot higher for her than you.

Listen (if you can) to how single women discuss their dating habits in a group. You will see this is true.

2) has anyone else been totally on their game...but then reverted to AFC, and unable to get back? If so, what did you to get get back?

Yes, of course, and it has weakened my hand every time. When I have done it, its back to basics and work on myself - gym, grooming, hunting for new plates. Bare in mind the unfortunate truth that you don’t normally get a second chance once you revert - thats just how it works. You have expanded your boundaries of behaviour and she will know that. Its a lot of working putting the beast back in the box - work that would be better expended looking for new partners.

3) has anyone found it hard to adopt the IDGF attitude? Habit and repition helps, but its something that needs to acted upon, not just thought. And continuously.

4) do any of the older members get concerned with age? Not really.
 
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