Do I Have Bad Rap?

[Disturbed]

If you had been following up with my previous posts, you'll know that I have got a crush on a co-worker. So far, my relationship with her is not beyond any mild teasing. I am finding it difficult to establish rapport with her because I am not finding any opportunity to do so. The only time I get to spend with her is during the lunch breaks. Unfortunately she is never alone; you see our department consists of 8 individuals (including myself), and they have this ritual thing of always hanging out together during the lunch breaks. As the newest member of this bunch, I am not appreciated as much as the others. I must admit that I had come kind of strong as a newcomer; boasted about my skills and constantly teased the women of the bunch (5 of 8). I am getting the feeling that my playful mannerism is not getting tolerated much by the bunch and I am getting bad rap. The 2 other guys out of jealousy might be talking against me to try to influence the women into thinking that I am a wicked person. One girl (HB4,not attractive) which had been teased a lot by myself seems to have grown a bitterness towards me; she might also be also spewing crap about me. I wonder if the opinion of these scumbags (2 guys, 3 girls (I suspect that 2 other girls might also be against me)) would influence the opinion of the girl that I am attracted to. So you see in such a situation, you could imagine that I would get plenty of resistance if I tried to segregate her from the group. What I hate most is that nowadays the group is trying its best to ignore me by not giving me any attention and not inviting me to where they hang out. But I still clinge to them because they are my sole social outlet during work hours.

Opinions about my situation are appreciated.

 

[eoin2000]

When you are teasing these other women, is it funny or could they actually find it insulting? When trying to integrate into an allready close-knit group of people, it is important to at least appear to get on with most of them.

If you cannot win over her peers, it is unlikely that she will see you as a person that is worth being with. You must concentrate on improving your relationship with the other members of the group first, whilst paying only passing attention to the object of your desire.

 

[JackPrescott]

The easiest way to make love to the one you are attracted to is to use competition, AKA show up somewhere with a female (attractive) so she can see it, and it will get her blood boiling!

 

[Disturbed]

You must concentrate on improving your relationship with the other members of the group first, whilst paying only passing attention to the object of your desire.

Do you mean that I have got to drop the C&F and revert to being a doormat so I can approval from this bunch. But that will make me unattractive to her. I guess it's a LOSE-LOSE situation no matter what I do.

 

[eoin2000]

Not at all. I just think your 'c+f' is not as 'c+f' as you think. Plus, 'c+f' will probably...no, definitely, not have the effect you want on the guys in the group. Do NOT be a doormat, but dont be an arogant clown either.

 

[Disturbed]

I may be unaware that I may have come accross as an 'arrogant clown'. Please describe what I may have done to deserve such a title. I'll use the descriptions you provide to validate whether or not it is the case.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Disturbed
I may be unaware that I may have come accross as an 'arrogant clown'. Please describe what I may have done to deserve such a title. I'll use the descriptions you provide to validate whether or not it is the case.

I think you should be describing the type of things you do/say which you consider "C+F".

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

Nobody's said it yet so.....don't shyte where you eat.

Relationships with co-workers are a bad idea.

Bad,bad,bad

 

[DharmaBear]

Distrubed, you've seen my posts: I'm in a not-so-different situation from you. Several things:

1) Don't go after a co-worker. Oneitis may develop (as in my case) and you'll have to see her every day, you may date and it could end badly, you or her or both of you may get fired. Who knows? Don't shyte where you eat.

2) Your approach, while good when you're socially established somewhere, is not working because you don't have high social value to her or anyone else there right now. You need to establish this first. Some have mentioned already ways to do this.

3) Remember: Despite the games and techniques desribed on this site, there's nothing else like giving people respect and love. Do little favors for your co-workers. Say "good morning" and "have a good night." Ask how they're doing, or how their family is doing (you have asked about their families, haven't you?). Just establish yourself as a good guy and then you can throw in the occasional (occasional!) C&F. This should help your social value.

4) But above all, date outside of work, even if you do pursue this girl at work. That will help all ills. Trust me, I know from personal experience.


-Dharma

 

[penkitten]

work + date = bad bad bad

 

[Disturbed]

1) Don't go after a co-worker. Oneitis may develop (as in my case) and you'll have to see her every day, you may date and it could end badly, you or her or both of you may get fired. Who knows? Don't shyte where you eat.

Fortunately for me, there is this other girl I've met last weekend through circle of friends that I've got the hots for. She will help in diverting my attention from this work b1tch.

I have no idea where things will be going with this work b1tch. My teasing and bickering have subsided due to the bad rap I've been receiving. I don't feel comfortable anymore to say as I please as I notice people don't give me much attention. As far as she's concerned, she doesn't give anybody much attention; she's the snobbish type that's constantly chatters on her cell phone and devotes little time to spend with the group. What do I see in her? I don't fu<kin know!!!