Do I have a problem?

[jdomingos]

Guys I'm in this difficult situation: I'm 30 and I my girl has 27. She lives with me in my place and we are together for about three years. During this time she have been a good girlfriend, except that she is very insecure about me, and also very possessive regarding other persons that surround me. Also I feel that she doesn't trust me completely. She is divorced and so am I.

I have some women friends with whom I exchange emails, and I exchanged some spicy emails with one from my workplace (about sexual preferences). Please keep in mind than I never cheat. But one of these emails fall in my girlfriend's mailbox, I still don't know very well why or how. I suspect the girl from my workplace sent it to her... But I'm not sure. In that period my girlfriend also received some strange phone calls, so I suspect the girl from my workplace might be psychotic.

But this was 3 months ago... We had a BIG fight (in this fight she even threaten to leave me but it was only bluff - in the end the fight ended when I spoke about leaving her), but then things settle... We went to London on vacation... Everything OK. Or I thinked they were... Now that I'm back to work I have been seeing in her the insecurity increasing, to a point where I feel a big negative energy when I'm near her. Today we had another big argument and she keeps mentioning the episode of the email... I say to her to trust me, but it's like she is obsessed with my workplace email episode. She now touches me less and it's like she's always waiting for my touch or attention before she moves... I don't like it.

Temporary problem or permanent problem?... What do you think guys, is this a woman for the future?

Jorge

 

[ElChoclo]

Lacks credibility. You see, the final request for comment, "is this a woman for the future" is not the kind of question which one would ask on these facts.

 

[Phyzzle]

Uh, how did your gf know the e-mail was from you? Because some chick who FORWARDED the mail, typed your name in it? Should've denied it: "some psycho jelous chick typed that up to send to you."


But now, it's a permanent problem. As far as your gf is concerned, you're a cheater. You have to move on to other women. In the future, try not to exchange sultry e-mails with chicks who are obsessed with you and know you gf.

 

[flexion_]

Yes essentially are a cheater in your GFs mind. Sorry but not much you are going to be able to do to fix this one. The trust is gone for her. For good or bad your relationship is on the rocks - I'd get out now.

 

[warpy]

this wont resolve itself, even if its not a physical cheat, its a mental cheap and girls do not forgive those.

 

[lee36044]

It's about trust

Trust ... once broken ... never regained! Women sometimes forgive but they never forget! The most you'll get from this one in the near future is that she might not smack you upside the head with it every time she thinks she sees suspicious behavior. But she'll be actively looking for more reasons not to trust for a long time!

My experience is that unless you think this GF is worth giving up your female friends, changing your job, and then putting in ten years of absolute AFC behavior to make up for your indiscretion ... you will be miserable. Make your choice. Assume you both will get through it and live the assumption knowing you won't be trusted by her ever again or start easing out of it before the blowup does irreparable damage to both of you!

Oh yeah .... if you are one of those guys that can't have an LTR without having some fun on the side, learn this simple rule! You never sh1t where you eat! Anything done too close to your LTR life (work is too close if she knows where you work) always comes home to bite you in the AZZ!

Regards

 

[Latinoman]

If you are not “cheating”…then why you were doing that secretly (and frequently)?

I'm not going to say if what you were doing was "right" or "wrong". I personally don't care. However, you are dealing with some issues.

Come on guys…this dude that is LIVING with this woman (e.g. they are by practical purposes “married”) is having ranchy correspondence with another woman that works with him. They Email each other about sexual stuff. And they do it secretly.

Now, let’s reverse the roles. Yes…let’s reverse the roles.

Let’s assume his (and OUR) girlfriend(s) do the same They start sending emails back and forth to a male coworker and they are emailing each other about sexual stuff.

And then…let’s assume they are doing is SECRETLY and you/we found out by accident.

What should be his/our reaction?

I know I would be extremely pissed off and I would certainly lose a LOT of trust too.
And so should all of you. And so, should her.

 

[jdomingos]

Guys I had the opportunity but I didn't broke up. I understand your reasons but I cannot do this to a girl that still is crazy for me and has been a good girlfriend. She has been missing university classes and crying all day after I told her I have doubts about us and I was thinking on what to do. Of course I know this is her way of pressuring me. But it's like an ethical decision for me.

Nevertheless I don't think the emails I exchanged are a very serious thing. They were funny emails with some sexual references, but nothing that could imply treason. I know she has many MSN friends and I don't give a **** what they speak about... I see this in the same way, this is net talk. As I told she always have been VERY INSECURE about me - I think this episode is just a reflection of that insecurity - and my fears are that this trait may be bad in the long-term. But I can't transform the "may be" into "she is", and so I'm keeping this GF and see what comes... I will try not to go into AFC behaviour.

 

[MacAvoy]

I will try not to go into AFC behaviour.

Your already there. Everyone is right, she views you as a cheater. The only way to get her to move beyond that is by going extreme.

Everyguy that has got busted for cheating and tries the "I'm sorry" route, NEVER comes out ahead.

However, you know the azzhole / jerk type that is blatantly cheating on his g/f and everyone knows it but she still lets him run free. Everybody knows this couple, every social circle has one. Well there is a reason why this women puts up with his BS, its because of attraction.

Now I'm not saying start cheating like mad, what I am saying is create that same attraction. Don't supplicate to her demands, take the I don't give a sh1t attitude. Tell her that she either accepts it or too fvcken bad. When she comes supplicating to you, you have to go extreme again, treat her like your sex toy and make sure she knows your the man.