Do I Give Up on Success, Alpha, Getting Women, or Not?

[leeraconteur]

Dear LeeraConteur,
As your problems become clearer it does seem as though you are in an intractable situation.....Not all the things life throws at you are amenable to a magic bullet....How do you feel about a Heart transplant?is that even a Health option in the States?...even refugees who go on a waiting list may get one here in Australia....Opening a Business in your situation would not be a smart move...If you have enough to survive and a Plane ticket Home money is a bit irrelevent....Why your interest in Women,seems the exertion of Svexual activity and the stress the weaker svex inevitably bring one,are the last things you want.

I can have sex, it's the money earning, success image, confident energetic thing that is just no longer possible and seems likely to be the cause of why I am not pulling the babes.

Why the interest? Loneliness, that's why.

My doc's say I can do anything - and I can. For a few hours before I tire.

I don't need a heart transplant, mine works (85%) fine. I just don't have the energy I did at 43, and in the States this just isn't something any doctor will care about. I have money, but I do not have the $500k cash to pay for an optional, experimental heart surgery.

Anyways, thanks to all for the suggestions, advice and such. But it doesn't seem likely that a solution is around.

I'll go to several Chinese traditional medicine doctors, see if they can rustle up a 5,000 year old cure.

 

[caporal]

ARE YOU a vegetarian? I recommend you become one, no more meat. Also do you excersise? If you dont you should have a light daily workout it will give you more energy. And talking bout drugs, I have a solution for you, no vaporiser, you could just eat weed, that cannot give you side effects and it will get you high enough, just smash it on a youghourt or make brownies or cookies they taste awesome lol. Thats how many sick people that cant smoke it consume it. pLease consider this advise it should help you a lot

 

[Atom Smasher]

I can relate to the illness part. I have had severe Colitis (and some dr.s say a generalized form of Chrohn's Disease) all my life.

I'm in almost constant pain (have been all my life) and I'm convinced that most of my women problems have been the pain and struggle etched on my face. The face does reveal one's biography. It's not that I scowl, it's just that it's impossible to hide such monumental struggles.

I am doing much better now (not health-wise, but lady-wise) because I am attacking the problem one tiny bit at a time.

OP, how is your voice? Take a real, hard listen. Is it whiney in any way? How about your posture? Sickness will often affect our posture, but things can be done about that. I don't remember what you said about your weight, but thinness definitely makes a man look much more neat and attractive.

I would take stock of myself if I were you and identify ONE THING that needs changing. Spend a week on that one thing, and then identify something else and start on that

Be satisfied with tiny successes. Read a book on the art of Kaizen, which is improving one tiny step at a time. The idea is to avoid overwhelm by only going for tiny increments. Before you know it, critical mass is reached and you find you have moved a mountain.

I have a gut feeling that you are telegraphing something to the outside world (you yourself have wondered this). So look to identify ONE THING, and then make some tiny steps toward resolution.

You don't have to knock it out of the park. Baby steps are the key and have moved me far forward.

Good luck!

BTW, I have severe energy issues too, most likely from my illness. So what do I do? I accept that and make the most of my few hours of productivity. I allow myself the downtime without guilt because I know I am going to spend three or four hours kicking ass. That is enough because that is what I can do. It has always been that way for me, it's not because I'm over 50 (the odd thing here is that I look like I'm 35).

So take your time allotment (in terms of energy) and tear it up during those hours. Then allow yourself the regeneration that you need. Identify those little things you're telegraphing to women and take little corrective measures one by one. The power of tiny corrections is positively enormous.

KAIZEN.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Live Free

 

[surf]

Try Tai Chi, it will bring you your focus back,

then try Yoga, this will give you your physique back.

 

[guru1000]

It's clear that you have already made the willful decision to lose; and lose, you will. As such, your motivation in creating this thread is to seek and renounce answers only to reinforce your fallacious thought process, which is to lose.

You have no solution(s), as you have already paved your road with a deleterious mindset.

Now, accept your fate.

 

[Warrior74]

Back from the dead. You know who I am.

I'll be in Shanghai the end of August, but I don't want any flak or misery... I'll email you my number when I get setup... Why didn't you tell me all this stuff? Well anyway if you still want to get together I am here for moral support, unfortunately I'm either a masochist or crazy... I don't know how to fix your problem Lee... but I think these guys are aware of the main problem, you're just lonely and miserable out there and the women pick up on it. That or they are too small town to pick up on the foreigner vibe... I dunno but as I said I've never had a problem. Have you got plans to get out of there yet? There are lots of people your age up in XJ that would love your company but we've already discussed this. I was wrong... you can definetly meet a girl who is nice to talk to and intelligent, my uncle has one. There are plenty of Sheng Nu in Shanghai, several million single post 80s alone? I think maybe you just isolated yourself out there... Its good to have expats to hang out with and bounce ideas off of...not just those academic dogooder CELTAites...

Listen Lee... these aren't the guys you want to talk to... their not the ones I was referring to... I left this site long ago when some multi-millionaire kept calling me out on my stuff. Who knows where the hell he is now... probably buried 6 feet under with all his cash. They're still caught up in the north american bvllsh1t bubble. I can't believe the self deluded crap coming out of this forum... I'm almost ashamed to say I was from sosuave.

These guys have no idea what the hell is going on. I don't advocate THIS kind of GAME... this is not what I was talking about... I only meant to use this site as a reference to where I came from... Half these guys who think they're good, have no idea what they are getting themselves into. Live by the sword, die by the sword.

As for me, I've already setup 2 dates in advance of the landing... I can't tell what your problem is over the internet. Anyway was checking out the forum and couldn't believe you would lower yourself to post in here.

BTW I'm the dirt poor, shabbly dressed, de-motivated expat Lee is talking about. :wave:

Nice. Agree with us on the same basic solution and then diss us. Stay classy ex pat.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I just re-read the OP and he says he wants a twenty-something!!

Let's get real, my man. Your REALITY is that you are highly unlikely to pull someone that young. And how would you even deal with such immaturity?

You're considerably older, not that healthy, and you're showing it. What twenty-something would even consider a relationship with a man in those circumstances?

The first thing you need to do is to do research and do whatever you can to get on the road to recovery. Once you're on that road, get the idea of a 20 year old out of your head. You have a chance of finding a woman closer to your age, perhaps one who understands illness and would be able to deal with yours. Your insistance on finding a woman that young is going to be a chain around your neck that will prevent you from finding anybody at all.

You must be emotionally arrested at a younger age, and I don't say that as an insult. I went through that myself but I have finally grown up to a reasonable degree. If I pull a shapely 40 year old I consider myself fortunate, and I do that. I don't know if you are looking for a girl in her 20s to make you feel young and vital or not, but if that's the case, your ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.

The only way to start to feel younger and more vital is to exersize to the degree that you can, eat right, and work on yourself personally. Did you notice that when you moved, most of your problems moved with you? What does that tell you? I realize you said that your physical symptoms abate when you're not in the U.S., but you brought yourself with you and therefore your problems remain.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Die Hard

 

[Atom Smasher]

Thanks for straightening us out!

BTW, what are you guys doing here? What compels you to write and answer on this forum? If he's in a place where even the 6 Flags guy (minus the dancing) can pull, why is he asking for advice and bemoaning the fact that he can't pull? You say he's just stubborn and that "he knows how to pull". I don't think so.

Why would I be speaking for Warrior or anyone else? My posts never apply to "you guys" but rather to me alone.

Not sure why you're here and participating in the forum you look so down upon. You could have PM'd him.

I suggest you "help" your friend privately and forego whatever emotional payoff you're receiving by participating here, as it seems utterly pointless.

I'll give you one thing, though, that North American game is the most insane, corrupted game on the planet.

 

[scrouds]

Why bother? It goes away when I am not in the USA. So the solution is to not be present in the USA.

Simple.

...and to repeat myself, again, drugs fvck me up. No thanks, no more SSRI for me.

Oh. Yeah those will fûck you hard. It'll take months to clear your system. Google the paleo diet, it should help with your energies.

I also know a doc in orlando that deals wiht energy issues. PM me if you want details. He's worth flying in to see if you're not local.

 

[MatureDJ]

I think the main reason he has stress when in the USA is because of the lack of attractive females who seem approachable. The USA is absolutely horrid in this regard.

As an ex-pat, I have heard stories from other ex-pats who had to go back to the USA because of depletion of funds, etc. They all had feelings of depression upon being back in the USA for any length of time. I know that when I had to stay in the USA for 4 years, I was a bit depressed, but it all went away when I was able to go through my bankruptcy and then go abroad again.

 

[Desire]

Sounds like you have low testosterone levels. Have you checked your levels?

http://www.boost-your-low-testosterone.com/supplements-for-depression-fatigue-low-sex-drive.html

 

[Die Hard]

Die Hard

What's up?



Leeraconteur: Had a nice youth? Healthy relationship with your parents, plenty of warmth and love when you were a child?

 

[leeraconteur]

Leera, what do you need to do to get your health back?

That should be priority #1, put women on the back burner for now. Get your energy levels back.

Can you start physical training in a gym?

Get your testosterone levels checked. Do you have enough zinc in your diet?

I no longer know. I have had everything tested over and over the past 7/8 years and I am just tired of it. My hands have scar tissue on them from the needle prices and IV's and blood draws. The doctors don't know, they don't care, and I don't have $500k to toss at Scripps in La Jolla to get everything tested to get me fixed and insurance won't cover it. I don't have any more desire or energy to fight this. It's exhausting, just to deal with the medical complex.

My heart is 85%, they call it 'the ejection fraction'. Normal is 65+, mine is 55. That means my heart is damaged, and looking at it on a nuclear x-ray, the bottom of my heart is dead tissue, and that I am going to pump less blood.

I can train in a gym. Maybe that will help. I will give it a go again, but I have done that twice the past 7 years and any workout, within about 3 weeks, results in heart attack like symptoms and a visit to the emergency room.

Some things can't be fixed, guys. I had two mild heart attacks. My heart isn't 100% and it's never going to be 100%.

Attitude, positive thinking, Tony Robbins, confidence - none of that matters.

This is.

I live in Asia.

I saw a natural doctor here as Western Doctors have worn their welcome out with me. Perhaps this will help. He prescribed natural herbs and such. Any western medicines all have bad and noticeable side effects when I take them.

I will get my T tested, again. To see if it is high enough. Last time all was normal.

 

[leeraconteur]

I think the main reason he has stress when in the USA is because of the lack of attractive females who seem approachable. The USA is absolutely horrid in this regard.

Wrong. It's the hormones in the air and the drugs in the air, water, food and such. 3 days in the USA and I get bad bad anxiety, I gain weight, my moods go crazy, I feel like crap all the time, and everything I eat tastes like and feels like poison or a numbing agent. Then all the heart symptoms return. No thanks.

My health plummets in the USA in a matter of 2 weeks.

I just re-read the OP and he says he wants a twenty-something!!

Let's get real, my man. Your REALITY is that you are highly unlikely to pull someone that young. And how would you even deal with such immaturity?

The same way I dealt with my last girlfriend a few years ago. She was 25.
It seems more and more clear that the ladies stopped cold when I had the health issues, and that it has stayed the same ever since.
I suppose it is a sign of recovery that I have the energy for it to bother me now, when it did not for so long as I had more important things to be concerned with.

Leeraconteur: Had a nice youth? Healthy relationship with your parents, plenty of warmth and love when you were a child?

Yep. No complaints.

It's clear that you have already made the willful decision to lose; and lose, you will.

Now, accept your fate.

My attitude after the MI's was this:

"Wow! I thought a heart attack was worse than that. I thought that if this ever happened that it would occur when I was 65 - not now. Now all I have to do is recover and I am fine."

My attitude was positive and hopeful and I thought and expected all was well.
I felt ok, if a bit tired. But I thought and felt that I would return to normal and feel exactly the same, except...

Then someone slammed a car door and my body exploded in a fit of chest-crushing anxiety that I never dreamed was humanly possible. Then began the night terrors, and the weekly visits to the E/R. All very common with recent MI patients, all something no one told me about. The constant anxiety, the chest pains at any time for no reason, the constant exhaustion, the sensitivity to light and sound and life itself. I slept 20 hours a day for 6 months.

Then the loss of most mental abilities, a drop of 40 or 50 IQ points, no memory, the world no longer made sense, etc.

I could not listen to ANY MUSIC, classical, new age, the most soothing of any kind, at all. Rock and Roll, all of my favorite bands, literally made me ill and head to the hospital.

I describe it like this:
It was as though my entire central nervous system had the insulation stripped from the wires and that anything, any input, would cause my system to overload. Beta blockers, anti-reflux, blood thinners, statins, SSRI, on and on and on. Each successive symptom treated with another drug that caused another symptom that caused another drug to be prescribe.

My attitude was positive and hopeful.

The physical reality kicked my ass.

What I thought was bull****. Reality had other plans. Period.

It took about 6 or 7 years and relocation to outside the US of A for those symptoms to abate, and they have gone away for the most part. I am off my meds, my BP is down, and I feel better than I have in years.

But am I as I was before? Absolutely not. But at least I can partially function in life. I just don't have energy. 6-8 hours a day, and I am done. Time to sleep.

OP, how is your voice? Take a real, hard listen.

World class. Radio friendly, youthful. I sound like I am 35. Deep, resonant. I used to work on air and in clubs on mic, all the time.

I can't tell what your problem is over the internet

You think, maybe (just maybe?) that what I wrote in this post may have a tiny bit to do with it?

Show of hands here on SS:

Who has had a heart attack? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

That's the guy I want to speak with.

 

[Fuglydude]

Your heart/CO and systemic perfusion should be fine w/ an EF of 55%!

My buddy had a severe acute bout of viral myocarditis last year, left him hospitalized w/ an EF < 10%... Today he's a bit over 30% and he's going to the gym, working full time and is generally happy.

In your case sounds like the problem is more psychological than anything else. You may want to seek counselling for that, because as I said, physically, there really shouldn't be anything wrong with you w/ an EF of 55%. You should in fact consider yourself quite fortunate that your EF is that high after a serious event like an MI.

What's your lifestyle like? What's your diet like? Obviously you're saying that you're not working out... Might wanna consider taking care of that first. I'm a health care professional, and I'll tell you right now, that if everyone ate right and worked out regularly, I'd totally be out of a job. Hell, I've been to the doc once in the last 6 years and I'm in a country with free healthcare. I strongly believe that positive lifestyle changes are absolutely essential to promoting overall well-being. Get your diet straightened out, work out regularly, and I can promise you'll start feeling a lot better. The plethora of medical tests you've gotten probably show there is nothing acutely wrong with you... at this point it sounds like its a significant psychological issue rather than a physiological one. Medicine/docs are good at fixing acute physiological problems, like they did when you had your stroke and MI... They're not good at promoting good health the rest of the time.

Women are innately drawn to dudes who are hypermasculine, have a strong positive energy, and obviously things like cash help as well... You'll have to make profound lifestyle changes if you wanna feel better and have women come after you again. You have a great advantage of being in Asia, where young women are drawn to higher status foreigner.

What country are you in? If you're somewhere like Thailand, consider taking a small amount of something like testosterone cypionate/enanthate... like 250 mg/week IM once your diet and exercise program are dialed in. Get your levels and LDLs' checked regularly.

Seriously dude, I can promise your right now that the combo of seeking psychological help and overhauling your lifestyle so that you're active, eating well will yield a massive change in how you feel overall. The women will come after that, but you have to take care of yourself first.

Feel free to PM me if you want a diet/exercise program made.

Good luck.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, I'm curious... Are the twenty-somethings in Asia innately drawn to healthy-appearing men over there as they are in the West, or is something different about them in this regard? I'm not being facetious, I'm asking to see if there is something I'm not aware of about Asian girls.

Another thought I had is that we men often have a sense of entitlement, that we "deserve" women who are just not in our class.

When I was overweight by 20 lbs. I still wanted a thin chick and they just weren't interested. I had this internal sense that I deserved a thin chick, but that was not my reality. When I lost weight and buffed up, magically the thin chicks started showing interest.

My point is that maybe your currently reality is such that it is unrealistic for you to expect such a young specimen. Perhaps you need to re-adjust your expectations and realize that in your current condition, you can't expect your ideal. I've found a great sense of peace in my life by adjusting my expectations according to my reality. You can always improve slowly and then re-adjust, but for now why maintain such a narrow band of possibilites? There are lots of good women out there who may be a bit older but have maintained themselves very well.

My point in a nutshell is that often in life we maintain this set of RULES in our minds and it seems that those rules can't (or shouldn't) be broken or adjusted. I'm the master of that but I have escaped and the payoff has been a massive reduction of strife in my life.

 

[leeraconteur]

OP, I'm curious... Are the twenty-somethings in Asia innately drawn to healthy-appearing men over there as they are in the West, or is something different about them in this regard? I'm not being facetious, I'm asking to see if there is something I'm not aware of about Asian girls.

I honestly do not know. Since the variety of guys I see hooked up runs from disheveled, fat, drunk, ugly, unshaven losers to Shanghai Woofy Hotshots, it's hard to say.

Another thought I had is that we men often have a sense of entitlement, that we "deserve" women who are just not in our class.

Well, I am referring to my own history so I don't think this applies.

I often encounter this when seeking advice online (a sign, btw, that I have NOT decided to lose or I would not even be posting) - I think that you all are assuming I am looking for a girl like this:

When I am definitely not. More likely a 24-32 year old who looks like this:

http://i52.tinypic.com/2ry3mf4.jpg[img]

I have pulled actual NYC runway models, 6 months out of the business, when I was 25 (she was 17), but I am aware that's not going to happen and those are not who I am looking for.

[QUOTE]When I was overweight by 20 lbs. I still wanted a thin chick and they just weren't interested. I had this internal sense that I deserved a thin chick, but that was not my reality. When I lost weight and buffed up, magically the thin chicks started showing interest.[/QUOTE]

I have asked around here. I am not considered fat by women 20+. I have literally and explicitly asked to find out if that's the problem. It isn't.

[QUOTE]You can always improve slowly and then re-adjust, but for now why maintain such a narrow band of possibilites? There are lots of good women out there who may be a bit older but have maintained themselves very well.[/QUOTE]

One issue is that where I am there is no serial dating and they have not had a sexual revolution. You date, you become bf/gf, you move in, you marry.

Maybe - MAYBE - people have ONE additional prior bf/gf before marrying. But that's it. Everyone gets a SO by 23/24, marries by 25/26, pops out a kid by 25/26. 27 is OLD here. 32 is dead and out of the dating market completely. 47 is lucky if any man with a pulse will ever speak to her again. Serial dating just does not exist where I am.

Also, locals dating foreigners has a massive stigma. You cannot even walk down the street next to a woman here without ruining her reputation forever with the local men. Dates must be set up so that it's inside, and the table at the coffee shop is placed to block all who snoop, and people here snoop all the time.

Your assumptions about dating and improving slowly are impossible to apply here in my region due to culture norms that are vastly different than where you live.

So what you suggest - date a 40 or 47 year old, use social proofing to then date someone younger, move on down the ladder like one would in North America or Europe - it cannot be done here.

...And once again I moved here to improve my health [B]and to not die[/B]. Dating was not even a thought.

I suppose that my health has improved enough so that the lack thereof now bothers me, is a good sign in one fashion.

 

[Warrior74]

Obviously we can't help you. You know everything. So enjoy your life as it is because you have every answer to why nothing is going to work. Get radical and try something new regardless of you think it will work or not, or just shut the hell up and live with it. Good luck.