Do girls mine through old crushes right after a breakup?

[Stugots26]

If you've slept with a girl who you've known for a while and she's told you things like "You're not in the friend zone" WITHOUT ME ASKING, and she's told you how much she likes you, but it was while she was on the outs with her current on/off/on again boyfriend, and then you tell her essentially:

"Look, the feeling's mutual, I would love to date you and explore this, but you're dealing with ex drama and you should take the time to resolve that. When you're single and unattached and available, get in touch with me and if I'm single we can go for it."

And then you actually DO walk and never look back. No calls, no texts, no facebook. In fact, our only connection is LinkedIn.

When she's single, however long it takes, will she get back in touch, or am I forgotten in the haze of men? What's been your general experience?

 

[Stugots26]

I believe this is referred to as the Boomerang Lay.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Usually she rides the c0ck carousel extensively after being newly single...she's not looking to settle down usually until a bit later. If she had been looking to settle down immediately, she would have simply swung branches and had something planned out right as the relationship ended (which usually means that she was seeing another guy behind her BF's back).

Just keep banging her as a fvckbuddy...

 

[Stugots26]

I'm all for that, but she's got to get in touch with me first. I have no problem scheduling a date right off the bat, but she's young and impressionable, and the ex is manipulative and guilt-tripping her. I don't play second fiddle to anybody and there's too many other girls to plow through, but I'm just wondering that when a guy states what he wants and then walks, does the girl weeks or even months later recall it and reach out to test the waters? Or is it forgotten and there's only new guys?

 

[gravityeyelids]

I'm all for that, but she's got to get in touch with me first. I have no problem scheduling a date right off the bat, but she's young and impressionable, and the ex is manipulative and guilt-tripping her. I don't play second fiddle to anybody and there's too many other girls to plow through, but I'm just wondering that when a guy states what he wants and then walks, does the girl weeks or even months later recall it and reach out to test the waters? Or is it forgotten and there's only new guys?

You messed up because, if i'm reading this right, in girl speak you said "I dont want to just have sex with you. I'd rather date you more seriously. I don't want to simply be your rebound fvckbuddy, so call me when you're ready to start settling down with me."

You don't play second fiddle?? Spinning plates is all about second fiddle. Who cares if she's seeing another dude? When you are both single, the idea is that you are not EXCLUSIVELY dating other people. She is going to be talking to (AKA probably hooking up with) other dudes, just as you should be hitting up other girls. And if the idea of banging the same girl as other dudes grosses you out, then either get married and keep your wife chained to the bed or become celibate, because that's what people do. Unless you are in an exclusively, serious relationship, you are going to have to accept the fact that she is probably banging other dudes unless she is frigid or extremely unattrractive.

She is not a confused little girl. She knows exactly what the fvck she is doing and who's pen!s she is having stuck inside her. Just because she is ruled largely by her emotions does NOT mean that she is not amazingly clever, sneaky, and manipulative.

And she is NEVER going to hit you up based on what you told me. First off, girls almost never make blatant moves to make plans or set up anything unless you've been seeing/banging them for a while. You're not "walking away" from her in the way that you think you are.

At this point I mean i guess your only option is to hit her up and tell her to hangout with you. But even then, if i'm reading this right, she's probably going to be confused and say something like "but i thought you wanted something more serious. I would say that your only hope is to hang out with her (NOT in a date setting. make it a place where you can go for the lay, such as a Netflix hangout and wine) and escalate aggressively until you bang, and then if she asks, explain that you're not looking for anything serious, just to have fun.

Not trying to be a d!ck to you, just giving you my very blunt, straightforward opinion.

 

[Stugots26]

Simple question, have you heard from past girls who obviously like you when they become available again? Or do they go from ex to new guy without even hitting you up?

I'll stipulate to the following:

1. When I met her I dropped my business card thinking I was just offering advice. Expected to see her around eventually and said so when I left. She texted me three days later.

2. After the first time she invited me out for beer (early 2013), due to the same ex (her bf at the time) she told me she had to stop contact. I said, sounds good, get in touch if you change your mind. Took her six days to cave.

3. Couple months later (summer 2013) I was in another city and she stopped responding to texts, but she had Read Receipts so I know she saw them. I said, "Hey good luck with everything, wish you the best." She texted me three weeks later. Led to a date and hook up when I got back to town.

4. She invited me out a few weeks back late night on a Saturday night, to go get breakfast (she had been at a bachelorette party). We hung out, she bought me breakfast, we walked around, made out. Two weeks later I invited her out for drinks, we hooked up again, she spent the night, bought me breakfast, walked around the city.

5. She started going a little sideways again because this ex was back, so like I said in the original post, I said "look, I'm not interested in drama. We enjoy one another, when you're single and want to explore this opportunity, get in touch."

Sense a pattern?

I'm saying that I understand this will take as long as it takes to resolve itself. I'm just wondering - does my absence work in my favor to make her wonder if my feelings have changed, or does it just make her forget me and the way she felt about me?

 

[MountainSlide]

The absence does not work in your favour. If she is not in contact with you, she is not thinking of you. If she isn't thinking of you, then who is she thinking of? This sounds way to ****in complicated, because you are going to end up having to play games in order to win her attention. From what your saying it sounds like you want to have a relationship with her. So are you going to sit around waiting for her to get in touch with you, hoping that she reaches a lonely point of desperation in which she remembers and gives you the call. Or are you going to take the fearless approach and risk possibly being rejected but at least having closure and no regrets. It's up to you. You can always just choose to walk away and find someone else.

 

[Stugots26]

Actually I would wholeheartedly agree with you - but I forgot to mention that we're connected on LinkedIn before I gave her my terms. So I don't have to remind her of me. The site will do that for me naturally as a consequence of me living my life.

That was the missing piece of the puzzle. For this to work you need some third party between you and her. With it in place, and she's active on there, she'll be forced to be reminded of me.