Do BPD's make up things to get you jealous?

[expos]

Divorced in November.

The last time I had to see my ex-wife, who is either BPD/Cluster B, it was for some financial stuff.

As we were making our way out of the bank, I pulled her aside and told her that I wanted to get some closure. I was the one who asked for the divorce, and my beta side wanted to make sure she was doing OK.

I found out that "closure" is something that doesn't exist with a BPD. She was incredibly cruel to me. Went on to tell me that she is "seeing someone", and that "we don't have to communicate anymore", and that she is "moving on".

I sort of starting laughing to myself. If she was "moving on" she wouldn't harbored so much resentment for me and trying to hurt me by telling me she was with some dude and being a flat-out b-itch to me. Obviously, she is still completely bitter.

So I called her bluff and said "do I know this guy?" And she paused for a few seconds and said "no". I asked her where what town she lives now and she said "I can't tell you that." Really weird.

Our Facebook profiles are visible to one another (mutual friends), and it's been more than a month since our meeting I see no hint of some dude in her life. My closest friends, who know her, don't know anything a guy being in her life. Conversely, my profile is littered with girls (spinning plates!) writing me all the time. I'm sure she's creeped it a few times and felt the burn. whoops, lol.

So, anyways....do BPD's like to lie in order to hurt? I'm sort of worried about running into more BPD's after my ex, so I'm just trying to be aware of all the red flags and the stuff they try to pull to mindfvck you. Being married to a BPD is enough as it is.

How often do they lie?

Thanks.

 

[Zarky]

So, anyways....do BPD's like to lie in order to hurt?

Um, yeah!

How often do they lie?

Don't think of it as truth vs lies. Think of is as: they have some goal they're looking to achieve and will do anything to achieve it. There is no distinction between reality and unreality, it's all just a means to an end. If making you believe [whatever] will advance their goal, then they will say and do anything to make you believe [whatever].

Think of it like sleazy accounting. Real accountants add up the numbers in the column and get whatever sum at the bottom. Sleazy accountants already know the sum they want at the bottom and will fudge the numbers in the column to get it.

Here, the goal was to hurt you. So she said she was seeing someone in order to do that. Likely it was a "lie." However, if she were really seeing someone she'd probably tell you that too. In that case it would be the "truth." Don't look at what she's telling you because it's meaningless, look at what she's trying to achieve.

 

[Purefilth]

Yes - compulsively

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yes, I've learned the hard way in life that "closure" for a man is not something you want to pursue. It seems like the right thing to do, even the honorable thing, but women will often use closure discussions to twist the knife, just as you found out.

BPDs live in an imaginary world, and they are compulsive liars because 100% of their energy is used to keep from internally disintegrating. The lies are the glue that holds them together and allows them to live.

 

[expos]

Yes, I've learned the hard way in life that "closure" for a man is not something you want to pursue. It seems like the right thing to do, even the honorable thing, but women will often use closure discussions to twist the knife, just as you found out.

BPDs live in an imaginary world, and they are compulsive liars because 100% of their energy is used to keep from internally disintegrating. The lies are the glue that holds them together and allows them to live.

Precisely. After talking with a close friend after she pulled this BS....he mentioned the same thing, in fact he used "twisting the knife" as well.

Another friend laughed at me and said she was "full of sh*t" and not to believe a word she tells me, so it's nice to hear this from DJ's.

Kind of sad that this was once my wife...but I'm glad I moved on....and rejected her (thanks DJ Bible).

 

[expos]

Expect to hear from her again. Sooner rather than later, probably.

Funny thing is, I did tell her that I loved her after the divorce was final...but I didn't make any pathetic attempt to reconcile. I just went no contact for a long time.

I'm a bit concerned about being recycled. Now, that it's apparent that I'm seeing a few girls myself (all of which are much prettier than her) - I see her getting angry, jealous, and making a run at me.

Is this to be expected? What am I in for?

 

[j0504s]

Yes 100%...My bpd ex would make up crazy **** to make me jelous...and act out to make me jelous...The best way to react would act like you dont care...b.c u know shes lying...it will drive her hamster insane....the best answer would be get rid of her b/c shes clrealy insane...

 

[AmIAFC]

BPD I was "involved" with was such a compulsive liar that she couldn't even keep her story straight as she was telling it. She'd always say something like this: "I can't tonight, because of my brother's condition. I have to watch him, he's family. No, seriously, to be honest with you and I know you're going to laugh to be hurtful, I have to take my cat to the vet, can't we just reschedule?"

She was crazy. Literally crazy. I should have known from the beginning because being with 2 of these creatures in the past, the two things they had in common was that they 1.) were overly aggressive HBs and 2.) never maintained eye contact for more than 2 seconds.

I **** you not on the last one. It's like they could never maintain focus or were afraid you'd see through their BS through eye contact, so their eyes always wandered.

 

[expos]

Thanks for all of the sound advice here. Glad I'm seeing through her BS...

 

[LongLostFriend]

I would never have any contact with my BPD ex-wife if it weren't for the three kids we have in common.

If she is not your wife any longer, she is no longer your responsibility. Maintain "no contact" unless there is some REAL necessity for you to communicate. Then maintain your "strictly business" frame (and she WILL try to shake you from it). That is the only way to deal with a BPD ex.

 

[Neon Owl]

Yes. I asked my ex once where she got her ring from she told me it was given to her by one of her past boyfriends...when I asked her what was so special about him and got a bit p1ssed off she admitted she lied and that she bought it herself. I asked her why she would make that up and she just shrugged and told me she didn't know