"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Do any of you plan on ever getting married?

Naughty Ninja

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Do any of you ever plan on getting married, or do you feel better on your own without dealing with the B.S?

As for myself at this point I don't know if I ever will and in all honesty right now don't feel I'm missing much. To me it's like a legal obigation to a girlfriend who gets half of everything you own.

Every once in awhile I'd get a slight bit of feeling down on myself (that went away after a short...really short time) when someone I knew was getting married. Almost like society views you as a "loner" or somethings "wrong" with you. Then I'd see no major big change in the couple except for married couple get togethers. Everything else a single person can do. Even have kids. Though I wouldn't want any out of wedlock IMO. I'd rather be married if I were to have any. To me it seems more healthy for them. (As long as it's a healthy marriage.)

What are your thoughts or feelings when people you know around you are tying the knot? And how do you feel when people you know are getting married and you're still single + looking to mingle? Do you feel people may look at you as "immature" or you're "afraid to commit"? I'm interested in all opinions!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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FLGuy

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I will cohabitate with a woman, and am open to making a lifetime commitment to one if I feel it's a prudent course of action, but I will not "get married" As in a legal marriage license, engagement rings, wedding , honeymoon...all that garbage.

If our culture was different, and woman for the most part were chaste until marriage, it would be a different story, but they aren't, so there aren't enough benefits for me to marry.
 

Naughty Ninja

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I swear I get the feeling that ALOT of couples who get recently married think they somehow are "better" than people who haven't been married.
 

Ease

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Cudnt imagine living without a family past 35.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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kingsam

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Ease said:
Cudnt imagine living without a family past 35.
i reakon i will start getting settled around this time... but no kids for a while tho...enjoy life with a good woman first

i dont get how some of the guys here are SOO against getting sorted with a good woman later in life....seems an odd position to me...would they rather be a single OAP with no one to look after them no companions ...
 

Strelok

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Nothing to gain but risks and a dangerous change in the balance of power.
Right now the only counterstrike for a man is to leave,after signing papers you cannot anymore and she knows it,hell once marriage was necessary in order to get sex,not anymore now.
 

zekko

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I cohabitate with my girl. At some point when I get older, if things continue to go well, I may marry her. Mainly so that if something happens to me, then she can inherit my house and estate without facing a huge tax burden.

There may also be some considerations regarding health insurance - right now we each have our own health insurance through our jobs. If that changes, there may be advantages to being married so that one can carry the other on their insurance. There are a lot of variables there though.

In any case, if I do get married, I'm going to make sure I am well protected. Definitely prenup, but those aren't foolproof either as I understand it. I haven't completely thought it out yet.
 

Sir Psycho Sexy

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kingsam said:
i dont get how some of the guys here are SOO against getting sorted with a good woman later in life....
That is where the problem lies...

To get a ONS with me, you must to be good looking
To be a F-buddy of mine, you have to be sexy
To be a GF!? of mine, you better be beautiful and a great personality
To be my Wife?!!

I just cant see myself being able to find a "good women" later in life. I will have extremely high standards and I will refuse to settle. For example, my current girlfriend I would never marry. She is fun and understanding and down to earth but had no respect for her body when she was younger. A perfect girlfriend?yes. A perfect wife?No, not going to settle for her.

My family believes hugely in marriage so I know that will become a big pressure on me as will the need to have kids later in life.


Im not against finding a perfect women to be my wife, im just not liking my odds.
Hopefully im strong enough to hold out
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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Kailex

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I'm going to over-think the title for the sake of argument:

I am NOT "PLANNING" on getting married, rather, if it happens with a choice that I deem worthy of going through such an act, than it'll be welcome. Still, it'd take a very long trial period before I could even reach such a consideration. I'm not even 30, so my expiration date is still a long time aways.

What was once seen as a natural order in life, is no longer so. I PLAN on becoming a better Kailex, with a better position in life throughout my career, with a healthier side of me. I plan to see the world and plan to make many new friends.

But marriage and kids... two things I am not planning on, and quite frankly, two things I could do without.
 

Ease

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I suppose its upbringing.

I grew up in a world where the man was the head of the household and family is apart of culture. Passing on of genes, traditions and experiences to your children is an important thing.

I didn't grow up in a world where men got dumped and divorces and acted like beta fags. What do i live for if i can't pass on to my son, and what will i do without have a wife on my side when i come home?
 

WhitePimp

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In some dark recess of my mind, I feel like the fact that I don't want to get married is excluding me from an important part of life. It seems idealistic to have the doting wife, and the kids in a suburban monotony, etc. But ultimately I don't think a personality type like mine would thrive in a marriage...I'm too restless, and too distant emotionally to ever get that close to someone.

Maybe I'll change my tune as I get older (I'm only 25), but for now, I'm happy with no baggage.
 

casthenova

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A clash between how we were raised and the reality of women. Marriage, the fantasy lifestyle. The thought that maybe one day you would meet someone that you wanted to spend your life with. Maybe if you didn't know what you know now about women. If you didn't know that women marry a nice beta male to provide for them while slowly eroding his masculinity.

Are there women out there that won't do this? I hope so, I'm not willing to let go of the fantasy because I look at like this. If it is out there, you better be open to it or else you won't get it.

There are a lot of posts on this site and around the internet that talk about marriage. They claim that women spend their lives chasing alpha males and having wild sex with them. Eventually she finds a predictable weak beta male who believes this fantasy and will do anything for her and she marries him.

One of the hardest things is giving up on that fantasy. Is it possible to be an alpha male in a marriage? I don't think so. You are contractually obligated. You can't do a thing about it other than get a divorce and **** up your financial assets.

All and all I say eventually maybe I will just let go of having to be alpha and just give up the power in order to raise a family but that would be the only reason. If you get to a point where you want a son or daughter you want them to grow up in a world of split parents?

Maybe at some point you have to let your wife emasculate you for the sake of your kids and I am conflicted about the concept of marriage.
 

Real Talk

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I think this is a question we think we can answer easily until you meet someone who's really good for you.

I had a similar mindset saying that I will definitely stay single all through college (without a doubt the most enjoyable time to be single) but lo and behold I met someone great, we've been together for a year and I'm totally cool with that.

Thats kind of how the commitment happened for me, when it really isn't a strain to do so because you get along enough. Obviously if you're with someone and you still have the urge to smash a few other breezies on the side she either isn't right for you or you aren't quite ready to put yourself through the next level of commitment. I think eventually nature takes its course and you feel the need to pass your genes and marriage is the best/smartest way to do that imo, not only for you but for the kid.

Anyway thats what I'm going off of so I don't really think we can ever say never.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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f283000

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NEVER! And if I did want to I want you guys to come and smack me in the face so I can snap out of it before i make such a mistake!

Unless...I become rich and I buy myself a totally hot russian/south american wife. Then yes I would probably get married ;)

The point is I would only get married to a wife from a country that produces good wives and I would probably have to buy me one. This would be when I'm in my 40's or older. I would never get married before that.
 

Paintballguy

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casthenova said:
A clash between how we were raised and the reality of women. Marriage, the fantasy lifestyle. The thought that maybe one day you would meet someone that you wanted to spend your life with. Maybe if you didn't know what you know now about women. If you didn't know that women marry a nice beta male to provide for them while slowly eroding his masculinity.

Are there women out there that won't do this? I hope so, I'm not willing to let go of the fantasy because I look at like this. If it is out there, you better be open to it or else you won't get it.

There are a lot of posts on this site and around the internet that talk about marriage. They claim that women spend their lives chasing alpha males and having wild sex with them. Eventually she finds a predictable weak beta male who believes this fantasy and will do anything for her and she marries him.

One of the hardest things is giving up on that fantasy. Is it possible to be an alpha male in a marriage? I don't think so. You are contractually obligated. You can't do a thing about it other than get a divorce and **** up your financial assets.

All and all I say eventually maybe I will just let go of having to be alpha and just give up the power in order to raise a family but that would be the only reason. If you get to a point where you want a son or daughter you want them to grow up in a world of split parents?

Maybe at some point you have to let your wife emasculate you for the sake of your kids and I am conflicted about the concept of marriage.
It's true. When you are married, you loose so much leverage as a guy. Your life as an alpha male ceases imo.
 

Real Talk

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casthenova said:
A clash between how we were raised and the reality of women. Marriage, the fantasy lifestyle. The thought that maybe one day you would meet someone that you wanted to spend your life with. Maybe if you didn't know what you know now about women. If you didn't know that women marry a nice beta male to provide for them while slowly eroding his masculinity.

Are there women out there that won't do this? I hope so, I'm not willing to let go of the fantasy because I look at like this. If it is out there, you better be open to it or else you won't get it.

There are a lot of posts on this site and around the internet that talk about marriage. They claim that women spend their lives chasing alpha males and having wild sex with them. Eventually she finds a predictable weak beta male who believes this fantasy and will do anything for her and she marries him.

One of the hardest things is giving up on that fantasy. Is it possible to be an alpha male in a marriage? I don't think so. You are contractually obligated. You can't do a thing about it other than get a divorce and **** up your financial assets.

All and all I say eventually maybe I will just let go of having to be alpha and just give up the power in order to raise a family but that would be the only reason. If you get to a point where you want a son or daughter you want them to grow up in a world of split parents?

Maybe at some point you have to let your wife emasculate you for the sake of your kids and I am conflicted about the concept of marriage.
I'm not sure caring about the whole "alpha" or "beta" thing is the right way at all to look at marriage. There are too many ways to spin the definition. I could say that being the head of a household is "alpha". There is nothing more "alpha" then having the responsibility of two or three or four people lives more or less directly in your hands. Yes, you don't have as much freedom, but thats not an analog to losing "alpha"ness to me. A majority of people socially regarded as alphas have huge responsibilities to others in their hands.

If your goal is to maintain thruought your life the interpretation of "alpha" that is used on these boards, then yeah marriage probably wont make you happy. More power to ya, a man needs to do what makes him happy.

If its a personal perception thing and you think that you lose too much of who you are if you get married, I can totally see where you're coming from. My personal feeling is that building a great family is my eventual goal. To me, being that 55 year old who's still running around picking up hot younger woman isn't as appealing as having a beautiful wife who cooks for me and is ready to go in bed, having healthy intelligent kids in college who are making me proud. And for the record I just as much want to have a successful career and be wealthy. For me, thats perfectly "alpha" enough.

:shrug:
 

garruk

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yeah i want to get married. after a certain age i feel like you cant just be messing around.

also the stability of marriage allows you to focus on other more important things.
 

Warrior74

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garruk said:
yeah i want to get married. after a certain age i feel like you cant just be messing around.

also the stability of marriage allows you to focus on other more important things.

The stablitiy of singlehood allows the same thing. The difference between the single guy and the married guy is the definition of what is "important". If you are perusing your dreams, be single, if you are done persuing dreams and are ready to have children and a family, be married, because they will be your primary concern (trust me, she will do her best to make that so). Of course you can have a family and peruse your dreams but most average slobs find it hard to do both, especially if they are weak with their women to begin with. Dream go out the window and the bitterness sets in. I know more than a few friends who have fell into that trap.


As for me...I've come close to being married. I have a child. I really have no desire for marriage. My desire is for financial Independence, later...if I have a wife, that would be cool. But I could really care less.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

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