DJ's Worst Nightmare: One-itis

[Faca]

We're all here for some reason, but how hard it is to admit it is because of our oneitis. This one girl drove us crazy, and we went searching for answers! One of the first question was: how to get this girl, but soon this question became, how to become a man of value or how to become a better man.

I haven't seen yet a method or something for one-itis, or how to cure it. Actually i think that's something that you have to go through, to become that better man. But still it feels really ****ed if you can't stop thinking about her and have lost the lust for life in some things.

Here's My Story

Met this girl about 2 years ago, at first we both were attracted to eachother but nothing happen. Every time it was like that one of us was in a relationship or we both were. About a couple months ago kept contacting eachother more, and spending more time together even when we both were in relationships with other people.

So about a month ago, we both were again single and now things could happen. I waited and didn't make my move too fast, so our first date was last week. Everything went good, lots of kino.. good conversion, got the kiss. I did call her the next day, which may be a mistake and talked later with her. In a conversation she said that she would go to a friend of hers, to have dinner with him (she told me earlier that this friend had a lot of interest in her and broke with his girl for her), so wouldn't say that it's just a friend. But then again, acting jealous is a very bad thing.

I didn't contacted her a couple of day, didn't want to come off as needy or something. So a couple of days later i called her a couple of time, but she didn't answered and the day after i called her and still she didn't answered. This was the girl, which drove me in te begin here, and i'm still on the same here.

It would be easier to say NEXT or JUST LET GO, but i can't for some reason. And it's always been this way, she kept sending mixed signals, not that i behaved like an AFC.. still kept everything cool. She told me a lot of the times when she was in a relationship, how she thougt that i was great and other stuff, in which she admitted that she had interest in me, but now it's less or still mixed. I never know what she really after or what she wants. Just feel very frustrated, cause i know that something is possible.. actually i would want this girl to reject me, so i can move on.

I see my options here:
- Wait and see if she has a good explanation about not answering calls and ignoring me. So keep gaming her, and wait to see what happens!
- JUST LET GO and say NEXT, never see her again (erase her number and contact from instant messenger)
- Admit to her how i feel, maybe that she isn't sure how much interest i have in her, but then again this isn't something for a DJ... and this makes you vulnerable. So she can chose then what to do.-

Cause i think, that playing hard to get and gaming her a lot isn't a good thing. And here we both know that there is a lot of interest from both sides.

Don't know what to do, so i really need your help. All i want is that i'm sure when i say next, just wanna be sure that she hasn't much interest in me or not any. Then i could just let go, but don't want to make the wrong decision to say next.. when she still wants me. Last thing, just can't seem to go and date other women.. there are a lot showing interest, but don't have the will or lust to do so. That's how bad this One-Itis is. Any advice would be good, or just analyse my situation. They say love makes blind, which is so true!

Only respond when you have good advice, don't want to her how stupid this sounds, that i already know:yawn: .

 

[Faca]

You did clear some things for me.. Very good advice man

The fact how people fall in love i knew already, but i don't think that you should act like a robot.. and not care a thing. Emotions and Feelings you can use ofcourse in you benefit, if you know how. It is ofcourse when i'm alone that i begin thinking about her, when hanging out with my friends or being busy i forget about it.

Matter of fact, you can actually reverse the roles on them. They will be trying to kiss you and you will be like, "I think we are moving to fast." Boy, now that is some good sh1t.

Can you explain this to me, cause i have used that to reverse roles on them.. but the reaction that i got was mostly.. you're acting like a girl, cause they are used to the wimpy AFC's. When time passed the girl became very attracted to me, with playing hard to get. But with this girl(oneitis) it isn't this way, when i act hard to get.. she goes cold and doesn't try a lot.

Don't fall for anything, unless you stand for something!

With this you mean, that when you don't give a f-u-c-k .. that it doesn't matter in the end if it succeeds or not?

What's the difference with Falling in Love and Having Feelings for a Girl?

..so you say that i should date a lot of other women and keep in touch with this one, but don't act like a boyfriend or something and let her do whatever she wants with other guys?..

From my own experience, i know that the one with the most emotional independence is the one, who controls the relationship. I just wanna let go, and forget about her, cause i'm not used to chase girls..cause most of the time they are chasing me and acting all AFC's.

 

[Faca]

In all absolute honesty, the longer you take to fvck a girl, the longer you will be able to keep that girl, 'cause curiosity is a piece of gold..

Do you mean that even when i get the chance to fvck her, that i shouldn't and game her more.. until she begs for it?

 

[d9930380]

You think you have it bad. My One-itis was a lesbian and I tried to convert her

 

[2c2bt]

There have been so many times I have come close to sleeping with the girl I had oneitis for. The most recent was last week. I spent the week with terrible oneitis, and couldn't do anything. then the weekend came, and there was a wide open window for me to sleep with her, and I blew it.

I feel sooooooo disappointed. :kick:

Here is the How to Get a Girl Out of my Mind thread.

 

[Chosen1]

i hate oneitis i recenly had it with a girl that went to high school with me but i'm getting better

 

[Faca]

I know.. i had one-itis for this girl, without that she knew it or something.. But now after one date, she keep ignoring me.. and i know that i haven't made any stupid mistakes.

If i know that i ****ed up, then it would be easier to get over her!

 

[realsmoothie]

If only, when you had oneitis, you could just step outside of yourself and see how silly it is.

 

[Faca]

I know.. but i think the cure for one-itis is still to be rejected.. and should a DJ see, when a girl ignores him or doesn't call him back as a low INTEREST.. or is she just playing hard to get?.. cause when i'm sure, that she has low interest.. then i could let go

so the BIG question:

When has a girl low interest and when is she just playing hard to get?

 

[WC2]

Oneitis is in fact what brought me to this board also. Maybe my story will inspire you a little bit..

(Making a long story short)
Met this girl at college who was extremely attracted to me for awhile, but I never really took interest in her. TILL I went on a date by her request. She blew me away, looks wise, personality wise, everything wise. I moved too fast. I brought her back to my room and laid the kiss on her within 10 minutes. We messed around, never had sex. This continued for about 3 weeks.

BAM! One night we're hooking up and she pulls the I just want to be friends for now card. She started ignoring my phone calls, and showing signs of disinterest. I was enraged. I Came to this board, picked up some advice, and as hard as it was to fight through my Oneitis, I did. I started showing less interest in her, ignoring some of her phone calls, and most of all started DATING other girls.

The Results?

6 days pass by. Not a month, not a year, 6 days pass by since she pulled the let's just be friends. I get a call from her and she's basically confessing to me that she regrets telling me she just wants to be friends and it kills her to see me dating other girls. Now, learning what I did from the board I didn't take the bait and I told her flat out that she's not decisive enough for me and things really would not work out.

So did she run away? Of course not. She flinged herself at me time after time in the club, and I rejected it. Keep in mind, I was still "IN LOVE" with this girl. Takes a hell of a lot of will power, buddy. Anyways, the story ends there. I'm still considering her for the future, since afterall I do like her. See, once you go through an experience like this you realize that women don't want something given to them; they want something earned. Anyways, I guess I still do have a small case of Oneitis over this girl, but I've already beat it back enough to where it doesn't interfere with my life. For now I guess she'll just have to go on with life and decide what she wants, because afterall, I'm the Prize.

 

[T Money]

Well fvcking spoken WC2. That's exactly what i'm going through, and just what I wanted to hear.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Your one-itis chick is considering "hooking up" or "hooking down" (depending on one's perspective) with this other dude so-called "friend" and may prefer him over you.

She expressed her desire for you in the past and now she finally has the opportunity to be with you but doesn't come to you eagerly? Huh??? Sorry kid, someone new has entered the equation, you are her second option!! Do not initiate any contact!!!!

Let me write that again "Do NOT initiate contact!!"

 

[Faca]

My Enlighting

I feel kind of enlightend now, as i have seen the reality and have been blind the whole time.
THX for both of you for posting.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED SO FAR:

NEVER TAKE ANY INTEREST IN A GIRL, UNTIL YOUR ARE DATING HER
What caused the one-itis was that i had interest in this girl even before we went out. It was just when i didn't tried any more that she became interested in me, and when she saw other girls around me.

NEVER MOVE TO FAST
This was also a misktake that i made, when i wasn't dating her. She admitted to me that she like me (just a ****ty female test) and i ofcourse said that i really liked her and so on. This was a big BIG MISTAKE, but i learned from it in my experience. What else is moving to FAST:
- Going too fast for the kiss, let her wait.. anticipate!
- Seeing her more that one time a week!
- Telling her things about yourself too fast, she must earn your trust and time!
- Never ask to become exclusive with the her, she must do it

Think of yourself as a bird, a singing bird that is free. But this girl has a cage, and want the singing bird to lock up. Ofcourse this bird wouldn't sing when locked up, this is what they want to do with you. I think that Anti-Dump said something like this. Just wanna give credit!

LETS JUST BE FRIENDS (LJBF)
When does a girl give this to you? Think man, isn't it when you became boring to her, stopped being a challenge and giving all control to her. I admit i'm guilty of this also, but this wil STOP NOW!
When she puts the LJBF card to you, just say it's fine i have also been thinking of this. Start dating other girls and don't keep contacting her. When you meet her, if she asks tell her about the other girls.

NEVER SHOW TOO FAST INTEREST IN HER
And she will eventually, if you want it or not! No matter what you want, but NEVER and i mean really NEVER say to her that you're interested. Sometimes you can show this to her, but keep your masulinity.. do come vommiting you feelings to her.
Just say that you two are very similiar and things would work out for you to.

WE ARE ATTRACTED TO THAT WHICH RUNS FROM US
When i show interest and give attention, she keeps running away.
When i hide interest and withdraw attention, she won't let me alone.

This sounds all similiar to you? You bet it does! People want challenge, everything that is easy in life, WE JUST WON'T APPRECIATE!

GIRLS LOVE DRAMA
No girl would admit this and every man deep down knows that this is true. Ofcoure i don't mean, go and cause real drama to her life! But never keep her emotionally fullfilled, life as if you could leave anytime out of her life. AND you must be ready to leave anytime, if she shows any kind of DISRESPECT!

"To have everything, you must be ready to give everything up"
- Faca


DIFFERENCE DJ AND AFC
What sepperates the DJ from AFC when having ONE-ITIS is the WILLPOWER AND FRUSTRATION. The DJ can be in love, but doesn't let the girl interfere in his life and in that one with other girls. He doesn't feel frustrated because of the one-itis, the DJ has PATIENCE.

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Enough analyizing, what are my actions?

- Stop contacting her
- Start dating other girls
- When she comes back to me, and i know she will. Don't fall back again, but reject her. WILLPOWER IS THE KEY!
- It isn't about her, but the focus is on ME, and only me.
- Keep doing more active things!
- Keep improving myself on every possible thing
- and most important of them all: BE A MAN, NOT A CHUMP.

It really is this simple, if just anyone would live this way.. It's kind of a zen thing, to understand it is really simple.. but it takes time and patience, that's why not everyone.. is always succesful!
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KNOWING IS NOT ENOUGH, WE MUST DO !