DJ Way to handle confrontation

[Iceberg]

I was out with friends this weekend enjoying some St. Patty’s day beers. And one of my friend’s friends, who’s quite douchey to everyone else (he’s never really given me problems) started with some racial jokes toward me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not racially-sensitive. Especially when I’m out with the guys. But this guy isn’t one of my crew, and thus he shouldn’t use such a familiar tone with me.

Anyway, he made some comment about blacks not having jobs, to which I replied: “What are you talking about? My job is better than yours and your entire social circle’s. You wear khakis to work everyday for god’s sake.” I said this laughing at him, not in some raised-voice manner. He made some mock apology, where I said, "Hey, if I were that pissed off, I would have kicked your azz by now." Then he made some other comment about crime, to which I replied, “See. This is what happens when your only source of learning material is MTV.” He followed up with one more comment, and I just said, “Hey man…I don’t know exactly how I’ve wronged you…but we can just go outside and settle this if you feel that strongly about it.” He got quiet and disappeared for the next two hours, before saying “Say Hi to bill cosby for me.” On his way out of the bar. I was so perplexed by the meaning of that, that I didn’t bother responding, other than shaking his hand and saying goodnight.

Now, this entire “argument” happened with a smile on my face. So I wasn’t being all meathead about it. And I’m not gonna let some Average Joe knock me off my game. But really, what do you do when someone is pushing your buttons, but then they don’t fight you when you throw down the challenge? Aside from that, I'm not much of a fighting guy. Well, I'm extremely confident in my abilities, but at this point in life, I'm supposed to be too cool for all that meathead crap. What would you do?

 

[46and2aheadofme]

I'm a white-ass so I can't fully relate.

If it was me I find that making fun of yourself usually diffuses the situation as well as makes you look confident.

I've been made fun of for being a "cracker" or people calling me a nazi because of my German ancestry- so in every situation I just play along with the joke.

Example: Douchebag: "Hey _______ you look sun-burnt....did you stay too long at the Nazi revival convention"

Me: "Yeah dude, you should have seen it. I'm really getting the urge to invade Poland."

Douchebag: (thrown off gaurd) "yeah?....well don't go saluting Hitler or anything"

Me: "My arm is actually sore from doing that all day."

Douchebag: ....silence

Me: "I'm thinking of going to the same barber as Mr. Clean...then I will really start fitting in with the rest"


By doing this, you make it look like you are unaffected by it. Also, if you get the people around you laughing at your jokes instead of his, he will know his place and drop the whole thing.

Of course, this is harder to do when he is making fun of you for being black, because the logistics of that are totally different.

But still, I think if you find a way to play along....He will get frustrated and leave and then you can all laugh about what an ignorant f*ck he is when he's gone.

 

[Kerpal]

Around here, if you made jokes like that you would instantly become a pariah. It seems like you don't even have to do anything in this situation, let the other guy keep talking until everyone thinks he's a huge douchebag.

 

[Iceberg]

Respectfully--if you're gonna go out with friends and enjoy beers and talk back to people who insult you, then you should be prepared to either (a) fight; or, (b) simply ignore people who talk smack.

It's a personal choice that you'll have to make.

You're absolutely right. Problem was, I offered to fight. I basically put the ball in his court by saying, "I don't know what the issue is here, but I'd be happy to go outside and settle it."

And then, in essence his response seemed to be, "Nah, I'd rather just hang out here and talk more s***." I'm like, this dude either needs to fight me or shut the F up.

I'm a white-ass so I can't fully relate.
But still, I think if you find a way to play along....He will get frustrated and leave and then you can all laugh about what an ignorant f*ck he is when he's gone.

You're right. And that is a smart, and peaceful way of handling the situation. Unfortunately, that has been my retort to this stuff in the past. And after a while I'm starting to feel like someone's gonna need a beating to get the impression, "Hey, uhhh Iceberg isn't someone you should be playing around with like that."

Most people know that, and respect me. But then occasionally there's a guy who wants to try to look tough and "edgy" by making lame racial jokes. I'd like to squash that situation once and for all.

But you're right...if I had just laughed it off, he'd have walked away. I just wanted to embarrass him a bit in front of my friends.

 

[Desert Fox]

If i'm going somewhere and someone tries to start sh1t with me. I just say, "ok hold on a sec, lets have a seat over here and talk it out."

So we go to grab a seat except after he sits down I just walk away.

If I'm sitting down and someone comes up to me I just sit thwere and ignore them and keep doing what I do. When they stop talking I say, "oh sorry were you talking."

An alternative response is I interrupt them by saying, "WHOA WHOA WHOA what di you just say there hold on a sec, go back to the part where you started talking." surprisingly most people actually do start over bcause they're RETARDS and don't realize I'm mocking them. Of course, I then just finish what I'm doing and walk away. Nothing OWNS a person more in public than having to follow someone ignoring you and trying to get their attention. It's fvcking sad and embarassing for them. And hilarious for me.:moon:

 

[ATP]

I'd ask him to explain why he was thinking like that. After a quick search on the net it's easy to verify what he said as at least probable. There is a higher unemployment rate among black people and higher crime as well yet it is such a taboo to talk about it in the US (afai understand, I'm not from the US). What he did wrong imo is that he seemed to blame you for something which you in no way could be responsible for. It's like someone would come up to me and blame me (and all white people) for what Fritzl did to his daughter.

 

[Nexus Polaris]

Sounds like you handled it well, man. Clowning somebody with wits is usually much more satisfying than losing your cool and resorting to physical confrontation. If you can make the other guy lose his cool instead, then you've bruised his ego which is typically a lot more effective because he knows he just got owned. Broken bones heal, but a bruised ego can haunt somebody forever.

If you really want a good laugh at a douchebag's expense, try this line out, "Does it hurt to be that cool?" One of my favorites.

 

[Kailex]

I think a little bit of kino with a few neg-hits and then some C&F... would have gotten you some action in the end.

The Bill Cosby thing is code for: Meet me in the backseat of my car. Let's get it on like Jello Pudding.




In all seriousness, you handled it well.
People on this website need to learn that being a DJ isn't JUST about women, but it's about being yourself and handling ANY situation just fine, calm, cool, and collected.

 

[5string]

I think you handled it perfectly! I was out the other night with my wife watching a local band in a little place near our home. I get up to go to the restroom. When I get back a couple min later, some clown is standing there trying to talk to my wife. A real Dhead. So I look at him (he's blocking my seat). He says "what"? I say, "what are you doin"? He says, "talkin to yer girlfriend". Me, "she's not my girlfriend, she's my wife". He looked bewildered. Gave him a little more stink eye and said "take off chump". All the while making eye contact. He took off and didnt say a thing. I usually try to ignore these azzholes, but this one was a smartazz from the word go. Gotta be ready if need be but make it a last resort.

 

[everywomanshero]

Yea you don't want to go down in the gutter with people whose only purpose in life is to stir up $hit. You're not going to cause this person to change no matter what you do. The only thing messing with this fool will do is get you in a cell right next to him for disorderly conduct or something similar. Idiots will be idiots but you dont have to imitate them.

You can take pleasure knowing he will probably end up living in a trailer with an attitude and behavior like that.