DJ to AFC through LTR

[sano]

I have been in a great LTR now for 18 months. However, over the past 2 to 3 months I all of the suddenly reverted back to my AFCish ways. I am always telling my girl that I love her. Simply put, I do all the things that a major AFC would do. It makes me sick when I later think about what I did. I can tell that she is starting to loose some interest in me because of the way i have been acting- no more of the manliness she craves.

Anyway, I am having some, a lot, of trouble getting back to being my DJ self again. Should I back off, maybe not call her very much? (As it is we only see each other once a week because of school) Any pointers or tips?

Thanks Guys!

 

[AFC-Murdaz]

if i were u
i'd NOT see her for a month or two, then call her back and see how things go

during that month or two, you revert yourself back to a dj by practicing, u get the idea

i dont think it should be in tip forum, i believe the mod should move it to the dj forum

 

[xblitz44x]

We'll always 'revert back' to doing things that show how we feel inside. Always. What is in our mind, as long as we pay attention to it, will always show through in our actions. It is why we read so many posts just like this. You can only play so many games; the real you and your intentions will always show through to those who are paying attention.

I do a lot of AFC things all the time. I do them because its' what I want to do. Because I'm comfortable with doing them. I don't do them in a needy, pathetic fashion though...just in a "I like you, A LOT , and I really don't care what anybody thinks about it" sorta way. Instead of running from our feelings and trying to hide them behind (transparent) games, maybe we should embrace them and understand them.

PS: It wasn't your AFC actions that scared her away. Most likely she started losing interest, THEN you started behaving desperately because you noticed there was danger of her leaving. Your cause and effect is backwards.

 

[Eternal]

Discussion.

 

[b's nuts]

This is a problem im having with my girl, not that she is loosing interest (yet), its that she always says I love you, and I have said it back, but now she is saying it all the time, and I feel like if I say it to much (even back) she is going to have a dropping IL. Any tips. Last night she said it to me when we were getting off the phone, and I just said "OK, bye." and she told me I was being a complete azzhole. I dunno. Anyone with any ideas.

 

[Big Pappy]

b's nuts -- Here is what I suggest. Communicate with this girl. Talk to her, without interruption for a few minutes. Tell her that you want your expression of love to mean something, not just throw it out there like a common please or thank you.

These expressions of "Love you, Bye." are where the Hollywood writers get "Luv ya - Mean it" for their "Let's do lunch" scenes.

It is okay to tell her that you love her, but you need to tell her that even though you feel it, you're not going to say it as a matter of routine. This way, when you are having a discussion with her and you see a little thing that she does that's just adorable, you can tell her then, and it will mean much more.

She won't like it too much, because then she may think that you think she's just saying it; reassure her that this is not the case.

sano - no sense backing off. Just go back to your activities. Do more action dates, and sort of "date" her like you did in the beginning. Play a little harder to get, but not too much.

 

[sano]

Thanks guys,

If I understand you all right--> Dont say, "I love you" all that often, be a little harder to get...and dont be so clingy. Being harder to get is going to be hard to do seeing how I only get to see her once a week and talk to her maybe twice or three times a week...if only it werent Christmas time right now lol.

Thanks again, ill try some of these tips out and see how they work.

~Sano~

 

[AFC-Murdaz]

Originally posted by sano
Thanks guys,

If I understand you all right--> Dont say, "I love you" all that often, be a little harder to get...and dont be so clingy. Being harder to get is going to be hard to do seeing how I only get to see her once a week and talk to her maybe twice or three times a week...if only it werent Christmas time right now lol.

Thanks again, ill try some of these tips out and see how they work.

~Sano~

ok time to pull out my belief

being clingy is far different than being desperate
you shouldve worded it "dont be so desperate"
and being clingy means to hold onto her fast or whatever and to remain close to her (while she and you are at it)

being desperate means losing all hope and suffering from a great need

that's what your feeling, a great need, not a great want to hug her tighter while shes hugging you