DJ Skills off track... help.

[TheLadiesMan]

For a 36 year old, I've got a body that most 36 year olds dream of. I'm hung like a damn horse, with above average stamina, and hella skills in love making. I just don't know why I can't draw them like I used to. If I can get in a conversation with a woman, one on one, it's just a matter of time before I can get her under the sheets. My problem is...

Damn, I'm not sure what my problem is..?????

I've spent years mastering the skills of love making, but can't get the vibe, the charm out. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that my last relationship tanked, and I still think of this woman everyday, and I should forget her. It was a 5 year relationship...

With everything I got to offer, my confidence is still very weak, and I dunno why?

WHAT I DO KNOW IS..... if I can just get a decent looking woman in bed, my charm will return... it's just getting one right now, is tough for some reason. I mean, I could sleep with some "not so great looking" ones... but why? I've got too much to offer to settle for anything less than a 8 or a 10, and I've never had to settle for anything less.

I worked my magic on an AWESOME 20 year old, and she was ready to sleep with me, but I was still hoping to be a family with my X. Now I wished I gave that 20 year old the Double EE Ticket ride.

I'm not ugly, but I'm not Brad Pitt either. I've got plenty of style.... I've been told that I look like a cross between The Rock, and Derek Jeter.... but I am 36, and maybe my age says more about my looks now than ever. At least, I can still attract the 20's and up from time to time.

One woman, told me that I'm just too much of a "nice guy".... and I can't seem to shake this title. I'm not a "nice guy" ...I dunno what I am, but "nice" SUCKS! ...I'm just a guy who's trying to get his groove back, a guy who wants to feel human again. F nice.

I've lived a prety charmed life, and God has blessed me BIG TIME.... I've had sex in my life since I was 16 years old, but man, it's been 4 months, maybe longer!!! ..and I'm starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with me?

My X is 7 years younger, and she parties like a BEAST! ...and I like to have a good time and all, but DAMN! .....been there, done it, sh*t gets old.

Bottom line is, I just want my groove back... you know? I just want one woman to have pity on my situation, and grant me one night. ONE NIGHT! ...I would hold onto it like it was my last.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I get the feeling that you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Do you ever get the feeling that you are trying too hard? It just sounds like you've put a lot of hard work into your packaging that has paid off but there's something missing in the overall presentation. Here's a question for you that may shed some light on things, how often do you genuinely feel "casual."

 

[squirrels]

my confidence is still very weak, and I dunno why?

That's because your weakness in confidence is the CAUSE of your trouble, not the effect.

I just want one woman to have pity on my situation, and grant me one night. ONE NIGHT! ...I would hold onto it like it was my last.

Then it will be your last. If you're going to ask for something, ask for an abundance of women.

We all go through droughts. The more you focus your energy on "escaping the drought", the more you reek of desperation and the more women will avoid you. By thinking something is wrong with you, you project that vibration to the women you are trying to seduce.

There's something they say to a college basketball team when they first make the trip to the Final Four..."Act like you've been there". If you get caught up in the awe and disbelief that you actually MADE it there, you're gonig to play like you don't belong there.

In other words, focus on your past success with women. Proceed from the assumption that what's happening right now is a fluke brought on by a misunderstanding that you now have corrected, and that your natural state of being is an abundance of women and sex.

If you really believe this, it'll come to pass. Given your "gifts", I don't think there's anything holding you back except your own head.

 

[Sinistar]

WHAT I DO KNOW IS..... if I can just get a decent looking woman in bed, my charm will return...

... Looks like your just in a rut right about now. I bet when you read the quote above and below in a few weeks or months you'll chuckle at how AFC you had been

Bottom line is, I just want my groove back... you know? I just want one woman to have pity on my situation, and grant me one night. ONE NIGHT! ...I would hold onto it like it was my last.

... is that last line from a movie or something? I couldn't resist underlining the sappy stuff, must be a Friday thing.

It sounds like you're still allowing the memory of you EX to cloud things. Keep an eye on your expectations and beliefs too, they can easily lead you down a unproductive path. In this case, it sounds like you believe it will just take one good+hot woman to snap the streak. What if it takes 4? And this could build up an expectation, you might start expecting that the next hot babe will save you. That expectation may blind you of other good positive opportunities (or trick yourself into not seeing bad qualities).

Why not focus on some other interests, family and friends? Often when expectations regarding women and relationships are muted, the opposite often seems to happen - you find yourself with interesting women.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

I get the feeling that you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Do you ever get the feeling that you are trying too hard? It just sounds like you've put a lot of hard work into your packaging that has paid off but there's something missing in the overall presentation. Here's a question for you that may shed some light on things, how often do you genuinely feel "casual."

Feel "casual"... what is that? ....oh man I need a serious tuneup in my DJ'ing skills.... I could really use your help. This site helped me once, I mean REALLY helped me! ....now, I just don't know where to start recovery.

You know, I thought about this... and I really make an effort to not try. I mean, I don't even approach, I usually let them come to me... it's just lately, I ain't getting any offers. :/ ....I worry about my looks too much I think. I know I've got a body for sexual performance, muscles all over the damn place, and I've got abs... but I look ancient. Salt & Pepper hair.... and that lack of sex is really showing on my face too. I dunno.... ????

Any and all suggestions for a fallen DJ please?

 

[newbie81]

There is some controversy in your post. First you say you can get any women in bed if you talk to her one on one, then you say you can't get laid. What is it now?

I'm sure it has to do with the fact that my last relationship tanked. It was a 5 year relationship...

I remember your posts last summer.

After all the sh!t you had with your ex, it is normal that you do not like to settle with just any woman coming around. This is called "learning from your mistakes", becoming "wise". Having standards for women is a must, it makes you the prize even more.

I still think of this woman everyday, and I should forget her.

Your first problem is your ex.

You have two choices:
1) You want her back
2) You do not want her back

There is nothing between. You have to know what you want in order to function normally (goal-oriented). If you do not know: then take some hours/days to think about it hard: what do you want with your ex?

If you can not live without her: fix it.
If you do not want her back: then do everything you can to forget her.


Once you know what you want with your ex, you can concentrate on the rest of your life: your work, your money, your mental & physical health, your hobbies, your friends,... and women.


Your 2nd problem is your way of thinking. If you think failure, you will act failure. Think success & you will act success.

About your confidence: think at situations in which you had confidence, in which you had success with women,... mentally picture it to yourself over & over again in detail.
You can even make up imaginary situations in which you act confident.

Good luck.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

That's because your weakness in confidence is the CAUSE of your trouble, not the effect.




Then it will be your last. If you're going to ask for something, ask for an abundance of women.

We all go through droughts. The more you focus your energy on "escaping the drought", the more you reek of desperation and the more women will avoid you. By thinking something is wrong with you, you project that vibration to the women you are trying to seduce.

There's something they say to a college basketball team when they first make the trip to the Final Four..."Act like you've been there". If you get caught up in the awe and disbelief that you actually MADE it there, you're gonig to play like you don't belong there.

In other words, focus on your past success with women. Proceed from the assumption that what's happening right now is a fluke brought on by a misunderstanding that you now have corrected, and that your natural state of being is an abundance of women and sex.

If you really believe this, it'll come to pass. Given your "gifts", I don't think there's anything holding you back except your own head.

Thanks buddy... tis been a long time man. This is the state of mind I need to return to.. it's just getting myself to that state is the hard part. Myabe I should repeat your quote over and over... I would give my left grape to be attractive to women again. To be kino'd to be flirted with....

 

[newbie81]

Any and all suggestions for a fallen DJ please?

Yes, get busy. Concentrate on work, money, your self, your hobbies, your health, your friends, ...

Once you've done all that, you'll have your women.

peace.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

... Looks like your just in a rut right about now. I bet when you read the quote above and below in a few weeks or months you'll chuckle at how AFC you had been
... is that last line from a movie or something? I couldn't resist underlining the sappy stuff, must be a Friday thing.

It sounds like you're still allowing the memory of you EX to cloud things. Keep an eye on your expectations and beliefs too, they can easily lead you down a unproductive path. In this case, it sounds like you believe it will just take one good+hot woman to snap the streak. What if it takes 4? And this could build up an expectation, you might start expecting that the next hot babe will save you. That expectation may blind you of other good positive opportunities (or trick yourself into not seeing bad qualities).

Why not focus on some other interests, family and friends? Often when expectations regarding women and relationships are muted, the opposite often seems to happen - you find yourself with interesting women.

Your reply rocks, thank you.... and I know one day, someday soon hopefully, I'll look back on this thread and laugh... I know I will.

I've been trying to focus on my pesonal life a lot... working out, making new friends, etc... hell, I've got some really really good friends. Halloween party invites, dinners, clubbin, concerts... last night a couple, who know what I'm going through, aske dme if I want to join them in Detroit for Wrestlemania... cool sh*t always to do... but it sucks not to have a woman to share em with.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

There is some controversy in your post. First you say you can get any women in bed if you talk to her one on one, then you say you can't get laid. What is it now?



I remember your posts last summer.

After all the sh!t you had with your ex, it is normal that you do not like to settle with just any woman coming around. This is called "learning from your mistakes", becoming "wise". Having standards for women is a must, it makes you the prize even more.



Your first problem is your ex.

You have two choices:
1) You want her back
2) You do not want her back

There is nothing between. You have to know what you want in order to function normally (goal-oriented). If you do not know: then take some hours/days to think about it hard: what do you want with your ex?

If you can not live without her: fix it.
If you do not want her back: then do everything you can to forget her.


Once you know what you want with your ex, you can concentrate on the rest of your life: your work, your money, your mental & physical health, your hobbies, your friends,... and women.


Your 2nd problem is your way of thinking. If you think failure, you will act failure. Think success & you will act success.

About your confidence: think at situations in which you had confidence, in which you had success with women,... mentally picture it to yourself over & over again in detail.
You can even make up imaginary situations in which you act confident.

Good luck.

There are some truly excellent people on here.... thanks.

Concerning the 1st question... USUALLY, all it takes is a few hours of getting to know a woman, and it's a lock. My problem is, no one is talking to me.
Getting laid isn't the problem, as I mentioned... I could right now get laid with a handful of "not so great" looking women, who have a body... but one thing about me, and I could be wrong but... I'm not just going to give it away to just anybody. This is years and years of sexual perfection. Have sex with them, and they won't forget it... then there's the problem of LTR, which is another problem in itself. I can show women the stars, but can't promise them the moon type sh*t. My LTR skills is a constant work in progress.... SERIOUS work in progress....

 

[newbie81]

There are some truly excellent people on here.... thanks.

Concerning the 1st question... USUALLY, all it takes is a few hours of getting to know a woman, and it's a lock. My problem is, no one is talking to me.
Getting laid isn't the problem, as I mentioned... I could right now get laid with a handful of "not so great" looking women, who have a body... but one thing about me, and I could be wrong but... I'm not just going to give it away to just anybody. This is years and years of sexual perfection. Have sex with them, and they won't forget it... then there's the problem of LTR, which is another problem in itself. I can show women the stars, but can't promise them the moon type sh*t. My LTR skills is a constant work in progress.... SERIOUS work in progress....

As a man, you have to be a leader. So you must be the one initiating contact with them.

You have the right mentality of not wanting to give it away to just anybody. This is being the prize "I could, but I won't: she doesn't match my standards".

Succesful people use mistakes & failure as feedback: they adapt & learn from it. So it's perfectly normal that you do not want something that looks like what hurted you before.

The question remains: what do you want? Your work, money, hobby, friends, life, health, women, ...

It's a tough question. Nobody can answer it but you. But once you know the answer, you'll have set goals to work on.

If you do not want to get laid with "no so great looking women", well then seek for the opposite. But then again: is this really the solution to your problems & mental state?

Sometimes we tend to think that a women is the answer to all our problems. You feel lonely, nobody calls you on the telephone, you are bored, you remember the good times you had with your ex, you wonder like "hell why did I even leave, why did we breakup at all", you want to call & see her again...

It's been written on this forum over & over again, but I think that people read through it, without fully understanding the meaning, so one more time: women are not the answer to your problems, women will not make you happy


What do you want? Think about it thoroughly & work on it.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

You know, I gave up on her a year ago... I moved on. I had done so much good for myself, that I felt I couldn't be stopped. I found great accomplishments in myself.

Then her mother, and aunt, and my sister got envolved. They begged me to give her another chance, and I was reluctant. At the very least, we could be friends, is all I wanted. After all, she is the mother of my child.

..but I gave in, and now, I'm back to trying to figure out what the hell I want.

If I try to make this work, a beautiful family can emerge out of this, which is all I want, and I'm sure would make my son happy to see his mom & dad together again. It's a big "IF".....

If I move on like the last time, I will not fall for the same mistake again. This opens up the possibility of my son having a new father figure in his life, and this bothers me greatly. Which for some reason, didn't bother me much the last time but does now.

One thing is certain, and I'll bet my balls on it... whoever she dates, or gets with her now, won't be with her long, because of the baggages. UNLESS, he's he's just like her of course.....

I'm going to bounce back from this, I know it... with support from u guys and this great board, it's going to help me. It has before, it will again...

I will be so back in the saddle homies... I can almost see the corner that I have to turn.

My first step was not to drink today, or ever again.... step two, give up smoking. Doing it for me, and for my son....

 

[newbie81]

Nobody can tell you what to do. The only persons that know exactly how things are with your ex & your feelings towards it, is you.

Two things:
1. People can only change if they see their errors themselves & want to correct them.
2. You've read the book before, several times from what I've read, so unless point 1 becomes valid, you know how it's going to end.

One thing is certain, and I'll bet my balls on it... whoever she dates, or gets with her now, won't be with her long, because of the baggages. UNLESS, he's he's just like her of course.....

What your ex does doesn't matter anymore, because it's your ex. This sort of behaviour, be it badmouthing, predictions, judgement,... about your ex doesn't help _you_ any further in achieving your goals.

If you want to stop smoking/drinking/drugs/... never do it for somebody else. Do it for yourself.
The best way to stop is not to think about the disadvantages of doing it, but about the advantages of doing it:"Why are you drinking? Why are you smoking?". Be honest to yourself and you'll quit easily without ever missing it.
I stopped in april after 10 years of smoking, never again.

Good luck.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Just talked to my advisor... I'm returning back to college in January!!

Let the "bouncing back" begin!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just talked to my advisor... I'm returning back to college in January!!

Let the "bouncing back" begin!!!

:rockon: ROCK ON!!! :rockon:

 

[TheLadiesMan]

She called last week to wish me Happy Birthday... I got her message on my VM. Something along the lines of "Just wanted to call and wish you happy birthday...your son got you a card, and a gift." I never returned the call to thank her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

She called last week to wish me Happy Birthday... I got her message on my VM. Something along the lines of "Just wanted to call and wish you happy birthday...your son got you a card, and a gift." I never returned the call to thank her.

It may be nice to call your son and thank him though.

Just something to consider...

 

[TheLadiesMan]

My son is only 2 years old.

She called again today.. wanted to talk to me about our son, and this weekend.
Whatever it is she wanted to discuss concerning this weekend, she could have left me a message on VM. I'm not trying to talk to her, because she's a real f'n b*tch, and I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying it because she's a real b*tch. It would be another opportunity for her to spew hatred on me, that's all. *shrugs*

This woman's hate for me, is mean. Granted she could walk around with my nuts in her pocket (child support, etc.) ..but she doesn't. This is what's most confusing.....????

She hates me, but she doesn't want to bury me, like some of my buds who's wives have done them.

 

[GirlCrazy]

That's because your weakness in confidence is the CAUSE of your trouble, not the effect.

I think Squirrels hit the nail on the head.