DJ or Niceguy as an employee?

[azanon]

OK guys, now I need some advise and insight.

I had one of those days at work at a large company/organization where I was challenged more than once by a female employee who outranked me, but wasn't my direct supervisor. Basically, it amounted to one instance where she had her viewpoint, and I could either agree with it or openly verbalize against it in front of others; this regarding a decision that would be significant and affect us all. In a second instance, she tried to push work off of me (that would have taken a significant amount of time to accomplish) normally performed by another section, and not within my job description.

In both instances, I stood my ground, ala DJ?, by not being afraid to offer an opposing viewpoint, and I also told her I was unwilling to do the work normally done by another section. Now don't take this to mean I don't accept from time to time "other duties as assigned" - the random ones that come up. No, this was more a "do your sections work and also we want you to do some other sections work to". Basically, it was her attempt to see if I will be a "yes man". Where I work, being a yes man to items not on my "list of responsibilities" can have detrimental effects at review time because I'm only rated based upon said list.

So, anyway, she was steaming because I was so bold to oppose her repeadidly. She is a bull-headed type of personality that intentionally tries to set up tense situations like that by not talking with me privately first, but trying these power plays in front of several employees.

Anyway, I'm wondering now did I raise her and others watching opinions of me, or did I hurt myself by taking this bold/stern/anti-yes man approach. Or rephrased, in the workplace, is it actually better to be the nice guy/yes man, or will the DJ/jerk who stands up for himself also be more desired/respected as he is by women in the gaming world?

I'm really on the fence whether I'm playing the dynamics right or not.

Suggestions?

 

[jophil28]

Standing up for yourself is a double edged sword.
Your personal strength is admired,your clarity of thought is respected and your boundary setting is noted by your peers and your superiors .
You immediately gain respect and admiration from the SANE members of the company. HOwever your 'stand' will always inconvenience someone in the company. It this case it was that power playing femi-nazi.
I have struck her kind before . Egocentic stupid control addicts who set men up in a no win scenario. It is her anger and hostility toward men that drives her to act out and play the power games. However, she will target the strong men because they offer her the greatest sense of victory if she wins.
Be comforted by the knowledge that her antics are seen and understood by most of the other employees too.
THis happened to me in the late 90's --
Femme power baitch tried to dump extra work on my dept .It was not her job to apportion work but she tried anyways.
I just looked at her in silence . I stared at her and remained silent for a few seconds and then burst out laughing followed by ," NIce try honey ."
I stayed looking at her in silence and just stared her down. SHe went to water and walked out in a huff. I won.
Baitches are out there -in the bookstores and the bars and in the workplace.
Would you give in to her tactics if she was merely a part of your personal life ?

 

[azanon]

Would you give in to her tactics if she was merely a part of your personal life ?

No definitely not. I'm acting pretty DJ overall; a lot of thanks goes to this website.

However, i'm just trying to assess the situation intelligently here; its possible she went or will go whine to my supervisor about today's events, which will put him in a potentially "must side" situation. Maybe she won't but its possible. Its also possible she might be my actual supervisor within a year or two.

Where I work, a supervisor would not have the power to directly fire me, but they could do some damage if they were hell bent on it. Basically, in a worst-case, conflict situation and/or an unfair bad performance rating scenario, I might be forced to bring in a higher ranking supervisor to mediate and hopefully sympathsize with my side of things. I don't think she has the woman balls to intentionally bad rate me if i actually performed well, but with her ego, I couldn't rule that out.

I just want to do the right thing for me, if there is such a thing. It feels a bit like, damned if I do, damned if i don't.

 

[Phyzzle]

Maybe you can work on expressing your disagreements more diplomatically.

outranked me, but wasn't my direct supervisor.

You must master the art of making nice, apologetic excuses (true or not) about how your current supervisor is really riding you about some other stuff right now. Then warmly suggest that she TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR and "see if he can assign someone" to her section's work. If he assigns you, fine - he's the one who writes your evaluations, eh?

Remember, "not taking any crap" is okay for private relationships, but being successful means taking some crap from time to time. I hope it's not too late to patch things up.

 

[jophil28]

The OP's post remided me of something that I have said for years about women with power. MOst of them totally f**k it up. Women generally do NOT execute their power well. Thre may be some exceptions but gemerally power equals baitch behavior.

They either underplay their position by trying to make everyone like them 'lets all be pals here, team', or they turn into manipulating, mindfvcking power baitches who rule from a position of tyranny - power for its own sake.

 

[edger]

Azanon, I posted something similar a while ago about this. Here's the link to my 'Sacraficing DJ qualities at work with b*tchy female bosses, read on.." post if you never read it:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=122570

 

[azanon]

Maybe you can work on expressing your disagreements more diplomatically.

Diplomacy is a real challenge for me; always has been. I think a lot of that has to do with my personality (I'm a strong INTJ for those into myers-briggs), but it could be due to other things as well. Sure, I presume a default assumption might be that overreactive people are insecure, but I'm not so sure that's it with me. I don't feel insecure inside. If I had to guess, I think I'd feel too manipulative if i overtly stood my ground in a gentle/diplomatic fashion when inside i'm almost steaming because this woman has the audicacy to even think I can be pushed around like that.

..............
I'll check out that link......