DJ Mindset?

[jungleman pete]

Hey DJs,

I've been thinking a bit about the right mindset to have when you are talking to a chick that you have just met.

I feel that when I've been talking to women, most of my life, in my head I've been thinking "wow, its great this girl is talking to me" or "shes so good looking" stuff like that. Even if its completely unwarranted. Lets just say it hasn't got me very far!

I know I should be thinking that I'm the prize and I do my best. But I just have that sneaking feeling that the girls can smell the hint of desperation on me like a attack dog smells fear.

So a couple of days ago I decided to swing it around. Instead of "this girls great" I think "man, you p*ss me off" and instead of "I hope this girl likes me" I'm like "I cant stand you". All the while I'm making convo. Maybe its a bit extreme. I'm not sure. I must admit I haven't tried it out on many girls yet (being the middle of the week) but its promising. I feel less worried about what they have to say and what I say to them. I can be more myself with someone I dont care about.

What do you guys think when you are talking to girls? Or am I worrying to much about something thats unimportant?

Thanks everyone.

 

[Big Pappy]

I don't really try to think. I just act.

It's very easy to get caught up in assessing interest level from a hottie while you talk. Checking out her pupils, pitch and tone of voice, mirroring...etc. I just stopped caring whether she has interest level or not. Lately, my motivation for talking to new girls has been to know their name and find out what they're doing in my seat. Whereever they may be sitting, I always sit there.

 

[RandomGuy]

Djs mindset is I DONT GIVE A FVCK!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

does a animal predator think about what its' prey thinks of him - absolutely not - they persue out of natural instinct - so it is with a man - although u don't have to bite her on the neck and kill her - if she says no to your interest then move on to the next prey (this one just happened to get away) - eventually your appetite will b satisfied but not necessarily at your convenience.

 

[Beige]

Some time ago I was on a camp. Sth around 200 girls to pickup and to choose from, all at my age, most of them good looking. You know what my problem was?

To find the one that was in my type.

My mindset changed drastically. I had 5 minutes to evaluate every girl I talked to and decide if I wanted to #close or to ever see her again.


So - go somewhere where there are many girls. There is a place in your city when it is possible. A campus, a club, yoga lessons, dance classes, whatever. Go there today, look around and ask yourself a question: "How can I find the one that's in my type?".

 

[WizardOfOz]

am I worrying to much about something thats unimportant?

Hell no.

Your mindset will make itself known to the ladies (mostly through your body language and tone of voice). So it's essential that you're in the best frame of mind.

Your post clearly shows that you have experienced two very different outcomes with two very different frames of mind.

Your new mindset might be a little bit extreme but it's certainly going to get you further than your old one. Don't tone it down unless it's doing obvious damage (eg like making the ladies all fear you and then not want to talk to you).

I used to think all AFC myself (which got me nowhere). My insecurities and lack of confidence were probably visible from a mile away.

These days my mind set is totally different. I engage conversation with females while thinking things like "I am a DJ therefore I have nothing to prove" "OK what have you got to offer me?" "Why should I want to spend time with YOU?" "Are you smart enough to understand my sense of humour?" This is like a double edged sword. It gets her thinking "This guys got his stuff together. He knows he's got what the ladies want. I hope I can get a piece of him?" and meanwhile you're not being self conscious so you'll be coming accross relaxed which will only further support her opinion of you. You are now in the drivers seat.

To extend this post just a little. Don't ever call a woman when you're in a negative frame of mind. I made this mistake last week. It was a terrible phone call. I called her a couple of days ago (after first making sure I was in the right frame of mind). She was laughing and being playful for the whole call. She called me all sorts of sweet things and sincerly thanked me for calling her at the end.

The moral of my post - you can dictate the outcome of a conversation by controlling your mindset/thoughts.


According to the forum this is post number 69 for me. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me

 

[silverwex]

I used to be into this HB8.5

I never ended up going out with her but we did kiss now and then.

Anyway, i totally changed my attitude towards her (the 'I dont really like u and im gona tease you' attitude!).

After this SHE start coming onto me...

This works well BUT there needs to be some attraction on the girls part.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by RandomGuy
Djs mindset is I DONT GIVE A FVCK!

Uh, not quite

 

[jungleman pete]

Hey everyone.

This site and the people on it totally rock. Thankyou all for your responses. I'd just like to single out a few and comment if I can.

Beige:

Thats a great idea. Seeing that many girls around would instantly give you an advantage, not only in your improved mindset, but also with just increasing your odds to find someone who YOU want to be around. And in doing this you go from them qualifing you to you qualifying them. Which cant be bad!

Wizard of Oz:

Great 69th post!!

Thats really what I was thinking.

I go into conversations being myself which is outgoing and friendly, but I really think that this makes me come on too strong and definitely looking like i'm a bit needy.

One thing I have noticed is that in changing my thinking from "I want to impress you" to "You impress me for once" not only am I more relaxed but my tone of voice goes from being high to a more deeper tone.

I see this girl quite regularily through work and last week when I was being more outgoing conversations were like:

Pete: "Hey, how are ya?"
Her: "Not bad"
Then I would have to say something to keep the conversation going.

Last couple of days its been:

Pete: "Hey, how are ya"
Her: "Aw, its been one of those days. I really tired.."
And on from there. I dont have to draw out a convo, it sort of flows out more naturally.

Possibility it might be coincidence, but as you said, as long as i'm not freaking anyone out I think i'll run with it for a while.

Anyone else experienced something like this?

Thanks once again for your help everyone!