DJ Holmes or AFC Kops?

[Juando]

Wanting feedback but first,

just to give you a little background on my personality, here's a little true story: once upon a time I found myself moving through a ticket line at a big event film screening. The woman who took my ticket was an absolute knockout, wearing a tight little red dress. Throngs of people, no time to linger, I think all I got out was something like "you are amazing in that little red thing".
That was it but I could not get her off my mind, so I called the facility, with only "girl in red dress" as hard data.

They told me that they had no idea who she was, that someone not affiliated with them took care of getting volunteers to work the event and they had no idea who any of these people were.

Ok, a sane person would have stopped there, but not me.
I stayed on it for a couple of weeks, ignored all the dead ends, finally talked to one of the projectionists who thought he knew somebody who might know somebody....

Next day I had her name and work number. BINGO!

Long story short, a week later I met her. She was totally amazed that I had tracked her down, and we started to have a relationship but suffice to say that we had a little bf problem that scuttled things....

I have a bunch of stories like this one. I do like the chase especially when there's an almost impossible challenge involved. Go figure. Sometimes the "reward" at the end of the chase is nice but in these instances I really get off on the pursuit.

Ok, to the present, and my question, especially if some of you guys can relate to my mindset:

Beautiful Latina at work who appeared a couple of months ago.
Really stunning blonde, amazing body, single mom, funny, flirtatious,
etc. I made it my business to get her to notice me, and notice me she did.

I had been holding back from making a final approach for one reason only, that we're co-workers, although she's in a totally different area. But a couple of days ago she tells me that Friday is her last day, so naturally I take this as my cue to move in.

I tell her I want to meet her for coffee after she gets off the following day and she tells me to check with her that day to verify when she's getting off.
I go to check but can't find her and eventually realize I missed her.

I go today and find out that she's gone. For good.

So, normally I would go into high pursuit gear at this point: my idea right away was to approach the supervisor of her dept., whom I don't really know, but that would not stop me, tell her I want to send Miss X a card and can she help me? etc.

I don't have any contact info for her and her co-workers were withdrawn when I started to ask questions; maybe they did not like her, I dunno but they were not helpful...

I know how to do this stuff but my question is- is this totally AFC behavior or just clean fun? Some guys like video games, I am drawn to this kind of challenge.

Don't get me wrong, this is NOT my MO; I've got other plates who don't fall into this category at all. But in the past, my knee jerk reaction would have been to "let the dog hunt", but now that I have some DJ backup I'm wondering about your take on this kind of scenario: AFC waste of time or not? Anyone out there can relate?

 

[STR8UP]

Depends.

The right guy can pull off things like this. Are you the right guy?

It comes down to the delivery being more important than the message. If you can manage to master the whole "it's not what you say it's how you say it" thing, then more power to you. If you don't have that "essence" I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[iqqi]

Men who pursue, but aren't desperate for just anyone, are HOT.

 

[joekerr31]

J, you are the man. great attitude towards life.

as for your current predicament - do whatever you want man.

i mean, one day when you die you aren't going to regret pursuing this a bit further right?

and since you seem to actually enjoy the hunt, i'd say by all means continue on with the hunt.

id be interested in knowing whether this aggressive pursuing has ever got you in trouble though? have you ever creeped a woman out pursuing beyond conventional standards?

 

[guru1000]

As long as you pursue with the clear picture "I am of higher value".

When STR8UP says "It's how you say it" ; what that means is the frame of which you say it. Do you say it from a position of "The PRIZE".

I can't hear your tone, but from the way you paint the picture in words , it sounds as if you have the correct frame.

Pay attention to the frame of your interaction. As long as you have the correct frame , you can basically do anything.

AFC= frame of lower value.

 

[joekerr31]

you know, im beginning to think i should create a 'drink' (like red bull kind of thing) that is called 'liquid courage'. and i would market it as having a unique blend of dopamine enhancers which optimize confidence, and i'd market it as a drink that you down right before you go mack on a woman, or go for a job interview, etc.

of course it will all be just a placebo effect, but i bet that sh*t would sell like hot cakes.

i dont knwo why this thread made me think of this.

 

[Juando]

J
id be interested in knowing whether this aggressive pursuing has ever got you in trouble though? have you ever creeped a woman out pursuing beyond conventional standards?

I know you're not really talking about stalking or anything like that, but actually that's a valid question, and no, the worst reaction I've gotten is disinterest.

Naturally I like it when my target is receptive and appreciative of my efforts.

It's great sport on occasion but hanging out with you guys has taught me the value of rapid, efficient, closes.

Actually in this particular case I can't fault myself- as soon as she told me that her last day at work was going to be in three days I sprung into action:
I asked her what time she got off work and was set to make a date to meet her, but I got foiled by circumstances.

I can see it both ways- it's fine to take a stab at approaching and closing and then letting go when it blows up in your face. Or on the other hand, for me, go into "pursuit" mode for those special occasions, when there's a sliver of possibility for later contact. But I definitely think it should be for very special
pu$$y and when the sport of the hunt is its own payoff regardless of results.

I can step up when necessary but I'm sure most of the guys here have had to deal with awkward situations; for example, the office manager at my dentist's office seemed to be showing me a little extra IL and this is a very public place where it would have been really awkward for HER to be hit on- so I approached via email, which is usually NOT the best way, but I was very polite, gave her a lot of space, and she was glad and receptive.

Ah, the hunt.

Hunt, hunt, gotta get some -------.

Thanks for the encouragement, it actually helps both ways: to let go without obsessing or to go for it with the spirit of adventure!

 

[Juando]

you know, im beginning to think i should create a 'drink' (like red bull kind of thing) that is called 'liquid courage'

I thought that was VODKA.:yes:

Last night at a party I shared a some sake with a cute hb; I'm not much of a drinker but I've gotta say- suddenly the party dropped away and the two of us found ourselves in a cozy "cocoon". Hmm, I wonder how much credit goes to the sake for the wet kiss I got later coupled with "let's talk and get together"....

 

[joekerr31]

J,

well you've mastered something i havent. while im fine at cold approaches, where i really fail is in public places where people basically are watching me take my shot.

like cold approaching a woman in line at walmart or something. you got the mother with her 3 kids behind you, a bunch of old ladies to your right and to your left, etc - and everyoen is standing around bored waiting to get checked out (so you know EVERYONE is going to be glued to the spectacle of you hitting on this woman).

the thought of bombing with a bunch of strangers around me is just too much and i often chicken out.

im pretty much rock solid in every other social circumstance, but that one still strikes the fear of god into me.

 

[Juando]

J,

well you've mastered something i havent. while im fine at cold approaches, where i really fail is in public places where people basically are watching me take my shot.

like cold approaching a woman in line at walmart or something. you got the mother with her 3 kids behind you, a bunch of old ladies to your right and to your left, etc - and everyoen is standing around bored waiting to get checked out (so you know EVERYONE is going to be glued to the spectacle of you hitting on this woman).

the thought of bombing with a bunch of strangers around me is just too much and i often chicken out.

im pretty much rock solid in every other social circumstance, but that one still strikes the fear of god into me.

No worries, JkR.

First: You are an extraordinary guy and a woman approached by you is LUCKY.
A woman hit upon by you, well, she's hit the jackpot.

The bored people standing around are not thinking about you, they're thinking about paying the rent, xmas gifts, maybe that unwanted pregnancy.

You are NOT hitting on that woman in public. You are being friendly, casual, talking about that CD she's buying, what is she gonna do with those chilis, etc.

You will hit on her, later, when she's a few feet away from the unwashed crowd. If she's lucky. If she's not lucky it's awkward circumstances and the next lady will be the lucky one. No loss to you.

A couple of months ago I would not believe the approaches I'm doing now.
I see a target surrounded by others and I'll just go up to her, crack a joke that includes everybody, then everybody relaxes and I start to focus on her and I feel everybody's APPROVAL.

Worst case, for example, was a case recently where I had no choice but to hit on an hb with a lot of guys standing around. They were looking, snickering, I'm sure predicting failure on my part. I closed her. Who gives a fk about them- I taught them a lesson.

I'm not perfect by any means. There are times when I know it's gonna be tough and I go for it anyway for the experience. Other times when like you I say I'm just not up to it and I just tell myself it's ok there will be other opportunities.

Don't stress. Start practicing at a comfortable level. I did that and I was amazed and pleasantly surprised that when you project confidence the bystanders pick up on it by accepting your alphaness and going about their business, even if it's being bored. Sometimes they even join in because they are attracted by the energy and that just gives you more validity.

Go for it and report back to me.