DJ Advice needed.

[TheDoctor]

Would you let your girl (1 year LTR) go to a lingerie themed party with her work pals while you were home for the night with work the next day? She said she wouldn't wear lingerie, just a sexy outfit.

Opinions please. Just wanted to know where other dudes stood on this situation.

 

[WhtRbt]

Since you don't own the girl and she isn't under your control, you can't really 'let' her do anything. She will do as she pleases and the best thing for you to do is let her do as she pleases without whining, complaining, or acting jealous.

I'm guessing you are afraid of what might happen at an event like this. That your girl may do something foolish.

You let her do whatever she will, and just observe. If you don't like her behavior, you drop her. If she's your style and makes you feel comfortable and happy, keep her.

Right now it seems she is wanting to do something that you don't really find appropriate. You will have to ask yourself if you can live with her going to lingerie parties or not. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about lingerie parties. It only matters what you think.

Maybe you don't know what you should think. Should you be upset over this? Should this even matter?

It doesn't matter what you should think. It matters what you FEEL. Write down how the situation makes you feel and then look at it. That's where you'll find the answer.

Good luck.

 

[WhtRbt]

Is this like a party where they sell lingerie or is it like a college lingerie party where it's a party with everyone in underwear?

Will there be guys there? Alcohol?

 

[TheDoctor]

Since you don't own the girl and she isn't under your control, you can't really 'let' her do anything. She will do as she pleases and the best thing for you to do is let her do as she pleases without whining, complaining, or acting jealous.

I meant "let" as in let her go without being angry about it. She will do as she likes.

I'm guessing you are afraid of what might happen at an event like this. That your girl may do something foolish.

I'm not afraid that she will flirt or cheat or do anything foolish. I'm not afraid of anything, I am however of the mindset that this is an inappropriate function for a commited woman.

You let her do whatever she will, and just observe. If you don't like her behavior, you drop her. If she's your style and makes you feel comfortable and happy, keep her.

I will be at home.

Right now it seems she is wanting to do something that you don't really find appropriate. You will have to ask yourself if you can live with her going to lingerie parties or not. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about lingerie parties. It only matters what you think.

I know this. I know what I think. I'm not cool with it, I let her know I'm not but at the same time I said whatever, if you wanna go fine, just know I don't think it is appropriate the right thing to do. If you still want to go, go but be safe and call me when you are home safely.

Maybe you don't know what you should think. Should you be upset over this? Should this even matter?

I know what to think. I think I'm not cool with the idea but I won't be too controlling or to AFC and make a big deal of it.

It doesn't matter what you should think. It matters what you FEEL. Write down how the situation makes you feel and then look at it. That's where you'll find the answer.

I know how I feel, I feel upset that she finds going to lingerie parties acceptable. Bet your sweet a$$ that I would catch hell if I called her up and said hey, I'm going to a lingerie party tonight. Call you tomorrow. hahaha, she said it's different because I'm a guy and I can look at the sexy girls. I said just exactly is it that you will be doing? She said hanging out with my friends.

FYI it is a party at a hott local bar, lingerie themed with dudes and booze.

Good luck.

See replies in BOLD above.

 

[TheDoctor]

I just wanted other opinions on how they would handle the situation. Get a feel for my behavior. My behavior will be what it is, I just want to see if I'm being to tough or being a pushover in the communities eyes.

Thanks

 

[WhtRbt]

Man I thought it was a lingerie party like at a chicks house where girls buy lingerie, not some hott bar lingerie party.

Yeah I definitely wouldn't be cool with that either. She also seems to be disrespecting you, not cool.

Bet your sweet a$$ that I would catch hell if I called her up and said hey, I'm going to a lingerie party tonight. Call you tomorrow. hahaha, she said it's different because I'm a guy and I can look at the sexy girls. I said just exactly is it that you will be doing? She said hanging out with my friends.

I've been in many similar situations and done the whole 'well how would you feel if I went to a lingerie party' blah blah.

The correct thing to do is not bring it up with words. Just GO to a lingerie party. Might as well grab some new numbers while you're there too.

I SURE AS HELL wouldn't be sitting at home, or even be home when she gets done during this party. I also wouldn't talk to her after she heads to the party for several days unless you live together.

This is one of those times where you have to show her that you are willing to walk away at any moment. To demonstrate this to her properly, you have to actually walk away. Don't answer her calls, don't respond to messages, etc until she's knocking your door down apologizing.

She knows how you feel about the situation, yet she's gonna do it anyway and piss you off. I would completely disappear on her for a lil while.


Edit: I think anything less than disappearing and showing her that you are GONE if she disrespects is being a pushover in this situation, and she will continue to disrespect you in the future even worse. By you not disappearing, you are saying that her behavior is A-OK and she should continue to piss you off and do dumb **** in the future.

 

[slaog]

I said just exactly is it that you will be doing? She said hanging out with my friends.

And she needs to go to a lingerie bar to do that? She's going there to have a good time. Shes not too concerned about what you think. The chances are that shes going there with good intentions. She probably intends to just have a good time with her friends but good intentionsdon't mean much for weak people who are drinking.


Talk to her about it calmly. Tell her you're not comfortable with your girlfriend going to a lingerie bar without you. If she still goes then let her know that you'll have a think about being in a relationship with her because she's not the person you thought she was.


What you must remember is that if shes doig something like this now she'll do it and more in the future. She'll do what suits herself and disrespect you.