Divorce...now what?

[Dukester101]

I'm no secret to the DJ boards, and in fact, I used to be a Master DJ here back "in the day." I went by the username of Dukester. I forgot my password and e-mail address that I used when I signed here over 6 years ago.

A lot has happened since 2004/2005 and I don't remember anybody or anything on these boards. In fact, this whole place has changed SO much since I last visited.

A little background for those that don't care to delve into my post history under my other username:

I was a ****y, arrogant azzhole to say the least. I was a DJ, and in college I had a lot of success with women. One of my last posts here was about one girl in particular. That girl had a boyfriend and I ended up breaking them up and getting with her. The thing was though, I fell in love.

The relationship started in 2005, and it really took full bloom in late 2005, early 2006. We dated (and lived together) from then till now. We finally ended up getting married in 2008. I joined the military later that year (at 24), and it really fvcked up our marriage and our relationship.

Now, I'm currently deployed to Iraq and she's sent me the divorce papers in the mail. My question to all you guys is... how do you cope with this? How can you move on after having a 5+ year relationship?

I feel stupid for coming back to the boards with a question like this knowing full well the guy that I used to be... a successful DJ who knew all the tips, tricks and successful things to get women. I feel like I've lost everything, and all hope is gone for even picking up girls again. What pisses me off is that I used to be able to do it. So how do I get back into the game again, and are there any knew things that I need to learn, or should I just "re-learn" the basics again?

Thanks for any and all replies from the DJs here. And here's hoping that I can find the game I had 5 years ago when I was a young, arrogant DJ. Also, Sorry for the long post.

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds like you've identified your problem already: You know the lingo just haven't internalized it. You don't live it, ie you're faking it. You have to practice that stuff, man, know it and believe it.

The military didn't screw you over, YOU screwed you over. If this chick really loved you, she would have followed you to Iraq (realize that's not possible, but you catch my drift).

 

[jester1x]

She's doing you a favor. If there are no kids involved then all the better. Your paths will never have to cross again. Thank her for showing you how much she supports the men in her life early in the game.

Man, enjoy "The Rock." Hit up BC Street, Moromi or maybe downtown Naha. You're single (again) and Okinawa is a great place to be in that stage of your life.

You are fulfilling your duty obligation while she is not. Thank her also for saving you from having to give her half of your retirement pay if you decide to become a lifer.

Frankly, I would sign the papers then return them certified mail with a "THANK YOU" card to show her my appreciation for not doing this twenty or thirty years from now.

 

[brokenupinside]

I'm no secret to the DJ boards, and in fact, I used to be a Master DJ here back "in the day." I went by the username of Dukester. I forgot my password and e-mail address that I used when I signed here over 6 years ago.

A lot has happened since 2004/2005 and I don't remember anybody or anything on these boards. In fact, this whole place has changed SO much since I last visited.

A little background for those that don't care to delve into my post history under my other username:

I was a ****y, arrogant azzhole to say the least. I was a DJ, and in college I had a lot of success with women. One of my last posts here was about one girl in particular. That girl had a boyfriend and I ended up breaking them up and getting with her. The thing was though, I fell in love.

The relationship started in 2005, and it really took full bloom in late 2005, early 2006. We dated (and lived together) from then till now. We finally ended up getting married in 2008. I joined the military later that year (at 24), and it really fvcked up our marriage and our relationship.

Now, I'm currently deployed to Iraq and she's sent me the divorce papers in the mail. My question to all you guys is... how do you cope with this? How can you move on after having a 5+ year relationship?

I feel stupid for coming back to the boards with a question like this knowing full well the guy that I used to be... a successful DJ who knew all the tips, tricks and successful things to get women. I feel like I've lost everything, and all hope is gone for even picking up girls again. What pisses me off is that I used to be able to do it. So how do I get back into the game again, and are there any knew things that I need to learn, or should I just "re-learn" the basics again?

Thanks for any and all replies from the DJs here. And here's hoping that I can find the game I had 5 years ago when I was a young, arrogant DJ. Also, Sorry for the long post.

Being deployed did not phuck up your marriage,it was doomed form the get go by KARMA.You got in the middle of a relationship and broke it up,picked up the remains and run with it and got married?
What did you expect her to do to you after she did that to the other guy.

I know cause I've been there,that's why wise guys on this board like Jophil recommend not to get involved with women that are taken so to speak.

Thank her and move on.:box:

 

[Ridingthelightning]

Everyone has already said it, move on.
Life doesn't have a manual, no instructions.
Let bygones be bygones. What do you want outta life? If you thought it was this chick then I'm sorry, she is gone. DON'T chase it, you won't get it back. Acceptance isn't coming soon, but you don't have to accept anything to move on. Just start putting the wheels in motion. Start by signing the papers and mail them. Do the actual physical process as fast as you can.
This is a case of when life hands you lemons you go looking for an apple tree.

 

[Dukester101]

I think my thread was posted twice. It looks pretty identical to the one I made last week... weird.

Thanks for the replies though guys... working on a girl over here right now. She's not the typical dirty military ho either.

I got a few months left, so why not give it a shot.

 

[Atom Smasher]

brokenupinside is right. Why do some of us think it's ok to invade another man's relationship and destroy it? If we don't show respect to each other, how can we expect women to show us respect?

 

[Rescue Mission]

The relationship started in 2005, and it really took full bloom in late 2005, early 2006. We dated (and lived together) from then till now. We finally ended up getting married in 2008. I joined the military later that year (at 24), and it really fvcked up our marriage and our relationship.

I usually empathize with the man in most cases of divorce, but wow, I feel REALLY bad for this woman, REALLY REALLY BAD!!

I am going to break the niceness in this thread and dish out some harsh truthful words to you Dukester.

you are a selfish egotistical prick

Let me explain.........you had a great loving relationship for 3 years, and got married to a girl who was ready to give you her life, and instead of putting HER first and putting YOUR FAMILY first, you put your damn SELF first, by joining the military and pretty much DROPPING the woman who loves you to go and take the easy way out ( I am assuming you lacked education and/or a job, so of course military is the way to go, right?).

So now you throw this BOMBSHELL into this poor woman's face, by just disappearing into another world far far away from your WIFE, who SHOULD have been the FOCUS in your life after you got married......but nooooooo it's allll about you - you dropped her pretty quickly for the military there, and did not even think about how much this was going to hurt HER and your FUTURE FAMILY (you know, the one that you don't give a fvck about because you joined the military AFTER 3 years of promising this woman that you are dedicating yourself to her).

I hope she cheated on you as much as she possibly could, after all this wasn't a real marriage after all because YOU as the man chose to not participate!!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY GET MARRIED??? They move in together, they hang out all the time, have sex all the time, and build on their love for a few years, then have a kid or two, and continue to build their family and their love! What did YOU do? You left your wife, who you promised to love and cherish till death do you part, to go be a soldier whose life may be at stake on any given day. YOU BROKE UP YOUR FAMILY IN ONE INSTANT AFTER BUILDING IT UP FOR 3 YEARS!!

God I feel bad for this woman......she will probably never believe in love again.

 

[Rescue Mission]

I must have left this whole place speechless with the harsh reality I provided for this guy.

edit: Let me also add........THIS is the issue with marriage in this country - people just get married left and right like little morons who are just running around without any direction, without any UNDERSTANDING that a REAL marriage means that you are ready to give your life and your love to ONE person for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, and that your FAMILY, your NEWLY CREATED FAMILY becomes the most important thing in the world.

Not some of this bullshyt about getting married like it's a retarded little "required process" and then just randomly joining the military and leaving your wife and new family in the dust.

 

[Joe Stud]

wow rescue, you say it like it is. it makes one think tho, especially since you are always right on with your input.

 

[Rescue Mission]

Dukester, I am not going to let this thread die until I know that you have read what I said........how very convenient of you to forget about your own thread, thus bumping it way down so no one sees what a selfish jerk you truly were.

 

[italostud]

.

I hope she cheated on you as much as she possibly could, after all this wasn't a real marriage after all because YOU as the man chose to not participate!!

That's just crossing the line, man. You're not impressing anyone with your histrionics.

I agree with some of your statements, but you come across like you're trying to be an internet bad-ass. Learn how to use some tact given the fragile emotional state of who you're talking to.

The guy just got served divorce papers while he's overseas. Even if joining the military after getting married, or getting married to a girl of questionable virtue, was a stupid thing to do, don't kick the guy while he's down.

Dukester:

I feel for you man. It's especially hard since you probably feel pretty powerless to do anything being overseas. I'm in a similar state right now where I'm pretty isolated away from friends/family after a bad breakup. At least I have the option of moving back. At least you've got your military buddies to hang out with and duties to keep you busy.

Bottom line is that if she served you divorce papers in the mail while you're over there, she obviously is not the kind of woman you wanted to invest the rest of your years with.

I'm not going to make a judgement on her character since I don't know her, but I can tell by her actions that she's not worth your time anymore. Grieve for a bit, it's normal. The best thing you can do after that is to work on yourself. Pick one way to improve yourself and do that. Build up your confidence again. When you get back, just go straight into pimp mode, find yourself a new woman, and start the process over again.

 

[italostud]

Dukester, I am not going to let this thread die until I know that you have read what I said........how very convenient of you to forget about your own thread, thus bumping it way down so no one sees what a selfish jerk you truly were.

Seriously man, calm down. You're making yourself look like an egotistical idiot.

 

[Rescue Mission]

That's just crossing the line, man. You're not impressing anyone with your histrionics.

I agree with some of your statements, but you come across like you're trying to be an internet bad-ass. Learn how to use some tact given the fragile emotional state of who you're talking to.

The guy just got served divorce papers while he's overseas. Even if joining the military after getting married, or getting married to a girl of questionable virtue, was a stupid thing to do, don't kick the guy while he's down.

Dukester:

I feel for you man. It's especially hard since you probably feel pretty powerless to do anything being overseas. I'm in a similar state right now where I'm pretty isolated away from friends/family after a bad breakup. At least I have the option of moving back. At least you've got your military buddies to hang out with and duties to keep you busy.

Bottom line is that if she served you divorce papers in the mail while you're over there, she obviously is not the kind of woman you wanted to invest the rest of your years with.

I'm not going to make a judgement on her character since I don't know her, but I can tell by her actions that she's not worth your time anymore. Grieve for a bit, it's normal. The best thing you can do after that is to work on yourself. Pick one way to improve yourself and do that. Build up your confidence again. When you get back, just go straight into pimp mode, find yourself a new woman, and start the process over again.

Of course I am trying to come across as an internet bad-azz......its because i act badass in real life, im not going to be fake online!

This guy married a GREAT girl, no questionable virtue at all......he decided to completely leave his family high and dry to go be a soldier, all AFTER he was married. IF he was already a soldier when he first met her, it would be a different story.

One cannot be stupid enough to treat marriage like some kind of toy.......if you get married, you better be ready to put your wife and family FIRST - this is why so many damn marriages fail these days - because moronic guys get married without even knowing why they are doing it.

This guy Dukester, who is still too much of a pvssy to reply to me like a man, thought that playing war would be better for HIM, not even thinking about his own family that he created (when you get married, you create a new family moron.....if you don't wanna create a new family, don't FVCKING get married in the first place!!! moron)

I swear to god, I see the same story from EVERY chump over and over and over again, and they NEVER LEARN.

 

[Trader]

you are a selfish egotistical prick

Let me explain.........you had a great loving relationship for 3 years, and got married to a girl who was ready to give you her life, and instead of putting HER first and putting YOUR FAMILY first, you put your damn SELF first, by joining the military and pretty much DROPPING the woman who loves you to go and take the easy way out ( I am assuming you lacked education and/or a job, so of course military is the way to go, right?)

Talk about making assumptions. Who said he did it to take the easy way out? Maybe him and his wife were suffering financially and he did because he THOUGHT it would help the relationship.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY GET MARRIED??? They move in together, they hang out all the time, have sex all the time, and build on their love for a few years, then have a kid or two, and continue to build their family and their love! What did YOU do? You left your wife, who you promised to love and cherish till death do you part, to go be a soldier whose life may be at stake on any given day. YOU BROKE UP YOUR FAMILY IN ONE INSTANT AFTER BUILDING IT UP FOR 3 YEARS!!

I agree, it was a bad decision for him to go to the military. Girls demand that you be there for them. Working long hours at work already strains them, not to mention going abroad for years.

I must have left this whole place speechless with the harsh reality I provided for this guy.

Now you're just being ridiculous. Check yourself, stand down.

Dukester, I am not going to let this thread die until I know that you have read what I said........how very convenient of you to forget about your own thread, thus bumping it way down so no one sees what a selfish jerk you truly were.

Now you are just being a drama queen, attention wh0re exit stage left - NOW

Interestingly enough, your name is Rescue Mission. It's one thing to share advice, swap experiences. It's quite another to jump on the soap-box all day long and 'save the poor men who just don't get it.'

Rescue Mission? More like Captain Save-a-Hoe, or more precisely Captain Save-A-Loser.

 

[jophil28]

So how do I get back into the game again, and are there any knew things that I need to learn, or should I just "re-learn" the basics again?

Beautiful Iraq..eh ?

Eat only in the DF and stay away from Fat Alley. Work out every day, be respectful to your Lt, and write your mother often.

OK, seriously, your post raises a number of issues -

Did you discuss your enlistment with your wife - was she supportive and enthusiastic?
Was your relationship with her healthy and mutually rewarding when you signed on ?
Did you and she have concrete plans for when you were eventually discharged?

There is something not quite clear about your story. You and she married two years ago after being together for a couple years before that. Something has changed for her.. ??

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I saw my buddies in the Corps get married and divorced within a matter of months. Marriage and the military just don't mix, whether you're a US Marine or an ancient Centurion, when the dog's away the cat will play.