Dissolving My Marriage

[RickTheToad]

Update

I couldn't stick to it.
I was watching a movie on the couch with my daughter (7) and she just came over, put her head on my chest and nuzzled into me. I cried.

I was watching my wife withdraw completely. She was on the way out, at least emotionally. It wouldn't have been long before she was on board with the full divorce and off doing whatever it is she wanted to do... and I'd be losing so much time with my daughter that I wouldn't know the next time I could hold my daughter like I was in that moment.

Despite my better judgement, I went with the only choice I could bear to handle. I'm staying married.
Honestly, I feel like a pvssy for it. I don't know if this decision will come to bite me in the *ss, but if it happens - at least I can tell my daughter I did everything in my power to keep our family whole.


On the upswing...
- My wife has cooked more family meals in the last 2 days than she has in the last 2 years (literally two, but hey).
- I am very pointedly aiming myself at becoming indifferent to my wife's emotions, that way I can mute any arguments before they happen. I've also been watching some Psyhacks videos to help... Sandwich Method for feelz and learning to tame my own anger (only way to win is to not play).
- My wife is looking at daytime collars (her decision), beginning lapdance/twerk lessons tomorrow, and getting into the best shape of her life. I am helping her with what I can here.
- I told my wife to keep her instagram account to stay in touch with old friends (there is 0 evidence of shady behavior here, so I believe my wishes for her to delete the account are too controlling).
- I will be actively gaming other women for catch and release, as well as increasing my own social skills as I'm decidedly stunted here.
- I am upgrading my wardrobe, getting things tailored, etc.
- I will be limiting my time on this forum and /MRP.
- I've started reading The Art of Seduction and will be leaning into building emotional connections (something I'm deficient in).
^much of this is effectively Dread, but without the covert contract

Things I need help with:
Getting wife to come back to me after an argument.
Helping guide my wife to improve herself as I have been doing (encouragement, etc.).

I think you are making a mistake. You're not happy; she's not happy. It's a recipe for disaster.

 

[Money & Muscle]

I think you are making a mistake. You're not happy; she's not happy. It's a recipe for disaster.

You very well could be right, my friend.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I think you are making a mistake. You're not happy; she's not happy. It's a recipe for disaster.

When in human history has “happiness” been the requisite for marriage?

 

[Money & Muscle]

When in human history has “happiness” been the requisite for marriage?

Why in the world would someone get and stay married to someone who they were not happy to be with? Or perhaps genuinely unhappy with?

Ironically, you advocate to get a side piece, and faithfulness is absolutely considered requisite for marriage.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Why in the world would someone get and stay married to someone who they were not happy to be with? Or perhaps genuinely unhappy with?

Happiness is not the point of getting or staying married. Never has been. This is western modern disney shvt.

Ironically, you advocate to get a side piece, and faithfulness is absolutely considered requisite for marriage.

Not what I advocate. You are mistakenly equating the sexual fidelity of men and the sexual fidelity of women as equal. They aren’t.

In my opinion you should stay married, honoring the commitment that was made to god and family. It is on you to figure out how to be happy within that framework.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Happiness is not the point of getting or staying married. Never has been.

Avoiding a lifetime of financial ruin was never the point of staying married either. Just saying.

You are mistakenly equating the sexual fidelity of men and the sexual fidelity of women as equal. They aren’t.

I don't view them as equal, but marriage laws and vows typically do. I must have misunderstood what you were advocating, my apologies.

 

[BeExcellent]

Guys. It is complete rationalization to think that infidelity by either husband or wife is permissible in marriage. Its a fantasy expectation. It's against the vows. When you say "Forsaking all others" that IS the vow of sexual fidelity. It applies to both husband and wife.

I love how you guys justify male infidelity and are appalled by female infidelity. Look. If you are going to go planting your sperm in other women you deserve the risk of raising another man's spawn.

If you cheat sexually, I hope your wives do as well. See how you like the type pain breaking the vow of fidelity that you cause her.

Even stephen boys. You live by the sword, so shall you die by the sword. Infidelity is not Ok. Otherwise the vows would not specifically address sexual fidelity.

 

[Money & Muscle]

It is complete rationalization to think that infidelity by either husband or wife is permissible in marriage.

No one said it is permissible, we said it is different.

A man can cheat on a woman and still respect the woman he is cheating on.
A woman cannot do the same.

Men can love women whom they don't respect.
Women cannot do the same.

The two simply are not the same, that's all that's being said.
*not to mention that most of the time when women cheat, they then view their affair partner as the one they should be loyal to. As in, sleeping with the person they are promised to becomes cheating.
Again, this is a feature that men do not have.

 

[BeExcellent]

No one said it is permissible, we said it is different.

A man can cheat on a woman and still respect the woman he is cheating on.
A woman cannot do the same.

Men can love women whom they don't respect.
Women cannot do the same.

The two simply are not the same, that's all that's being said.
*not to mention that most of the time when women cheat, they then view their affair partner as the one they should be loyal to. As in, sleeping with the person they are promised to becomes cheating.
Again, this is a feature that men do not have.

That depends on the individual my dear. Not the gender.

 

[Money & Muscle]

We need an eyeroll emoji reaction.

 

[The Duke]

Im totally against male and female infidelity, But women seem to be more tolerant of it than men so. There's a reason for that and it's been that ways for years.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Happiness is not the point of getting or staying married.

Then I don't advise doing it. Marriage is not a basic need so if you're going to be miserable you're wasting your life on it.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Guys. It is complete rationalization to think that infidelity by either husband or wife is permissible in marriage. Its a fantasy expectation. It's against the vows. When you say "Forsaking all others" that IS the vow of sexual fidelity. It applies to both husband and wife.

I love how you guys justify male infidelity and are appalled by female infidelity. Look. If you are going to go planting your sperm in other women you deserve the risk of raising another man's spawn.

If you cheat sexually, I hope your wives do as well. See how you like the type pain breaking the vow of fidelity that you cause her.

Even stephen boys. You live by the sword, so shall you die by the sword. Infidelity is not Ok. Otherwise the vows would not specifically address sexual fidelity.

I think 100% fidelity and monogamy by either sex is what the human race seems to rationalize.

Otherwise we wouldn't need vows and courts and judges. Personally I accept that it's just not realistic.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I think 100% fidelity and monogamy by either sex is what the human race seems to rationalize.

Otherwise we wouldn't need vows and courts and judges. Personally I accept that it's just not realistic.

Monogamy is NOT natural. Rather it is enforced, and for good reasons most people do not even think about, I believe, and why non-Western peoples copied it. Yes, it is sexual socialism.

The alternative is polygamy (sexual Darwinism) which makes society unstable, violent, and low-trust, and makes a sexual underclass of men who are checked out, unproductive, or anti-social and violent, and low-invest parenting with a bunch of bastards running around. I challenge anyone to think of a polygamous place on earth in which they want to live. Likely they can’t, and despite their image of themselves of being the big guys on the block, in such places they wouldn’t be.

Though monogamy certainly isn’t thrilling it greatly benefits men, women, and children.
1. High investment parenting.
2. Builds trust and lessens conflict between men.
3. Gives nearly all men a stake in the future.
4. Unlocks the productivity of ordinary men (disparagingly called betas).
5. Curbs female anti-social and nation-wrecking behaviors (having an excess of unmarried and childless women is an enormous societal burden).

JD Unwin wrote in the societies he studied, in those which gave women sexual freedom, they were wrecked in three generations. I believe that.

 

[RickTheToad]

When in human history has “happiness” been the requisite for marriage?

It seems pretty pointless to submit yourself to misery voluntarily. There's ups and downs, but I do not think most people would subject themselves to misery to procreate. You can do this without a license and lose more than half of your assets. Just saying.

 

[Gamisch]

This thread is GOLD. As i mentioned, I've been laying down flat for a damn week with stomachaches ,been hospitalized 3 times,BUT the crazy/ most beautiful thing about this 247/7 suffering is that it completely changed my view on life. (Gof the better)

All men must read this ! My illness really came to the surface when I heard my daughter isn't doing too well. My baby momma SACRIFICED our daughter to make a point towards me she hates me more than she loves her own child ...no i am not trying to hijack the thread. I am trying to tie it all together: the endless love for your offspring combined with your (ex) wife possible merciless towards you = literally a sickening/life altering situation.

I've been here where OP is, and all of my biggest fears are coming true. All the anger, frustration lead to next to NOTHING. Some women are just as vindictive as it gets..using their kids as tools to manipulate you, literally to a ( physically financial and spiritual) death. Luckily we can be reborn if the grand reaper doesn't come for us!!!!!

OP ,i want you to take your pain and use it as I say: to be reborn. You can't go on the way you went about it until now. You are (understandably) in WAY too deep, an emotional car crash and unfortunately completely dependent upon HER emotions..her fickle emotions.

Listen!!! Fecking listen to us bro!! Lawyer the hell up, you showed your cards and there is no way back. Just like for all fathers: YOU(WE ME) consciously impregnated her, and yes the consequences of this will be carried out UNTIL WE DIE.

Yiur daughter is just 7? You really think that you will be able to keep living like this gor God knows how many years? I thought the same...

We only life once man..gotta get the max out of it. FECK SPENDING time on a ungrateful woman! Think about it with a positive but HONEST and RATIONAL mind!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Then I don't advise doing it. Marriage is not a basic need so if you're going to be miserable you're wasting your life on it.

It seems pretty pointless to submit yourself to misery voluntarily. There's ups and downs, but I do not think most people would subject themselves to misery to procreate.

Therapy, gentleman. Therapy.

As I was saying, humans have never married for “happiness.” That concept is modern Disney / Hallmark propaganda.

 

[Gamisch]

There has not been ONE freaking academic from the right or left who has been able to challenge the extensive investigation Dr. Baskerville has done on the subject. “It’s a business of extortion and kidnapping,” he said. And that’s the truth!

What I do wonder about, and where I agree with @EyeBRollin is whether men generally are properly vetting women they plan to marry. I think some do a horrible job, just as many women do with men. Again, not all men, as there is no freaking way to predict anyone’s future actions or behaviors. And women are not only financially incentivized to divorce, they are so socially as well. That’s why some are applauded and view themselves as powerful for no-fault divorcing, despite ruining their families’ lives and disgracing them.

Quote from Sexual Utopia in Power:

“Divorced fathers have their cars booted and their driver’s and professional licenses revoked, which prevents them from getting or keeping employment. They routinely lose their houses, and many end up in homeless shelters, which one philosophically described as “better than being in jail.” Baskerville cites one case of a father being hospitalized for malnutrition because he was not left enough money to feed himself adequately.”

Why would a man in his early 40s want children? That's likely to mess up his retirement.

I haven't ruled out having children but not very inclined to have them because of that reason. Also, I can have a nuclear family without the state getting involved too.

This. Mentioned before that ironically TWO of my long term (ex) bff,s are early 40,s both literally now waiting for their foreing wives to come to Europe and stir up the shyte pot( as we experienced fellas know).

It's baffling, but I don't wanna be the bearer of bad news and " mr manosphere -know -it-all". I just can't imagine being 40 and going through the bs i went through from my 20,s to my 40,s just to please an ungrateful woman . Tbh, I feel so powerfull after my stint with the grand reaper that I actually cant wait to "wipe the dust of my mouthpiece " and get out there again and get p00sy for the whole team..

The problem with these weak azz passport- bro -arranged marriages- shyte ,is that its nearly always about a horney ,lonely and desperate man who refuses to take chances and prefers an easy way out.

One nice party/ festival/ boys night out with the right attitude could give these men what they REALLY want : namely " just" a nice woman to vibe with..that's all. Just a decent looking woman who isn't completely nutz The sadness is these men (former friends) are losers...hate to say it, love them to death..but they are losers, and the biggest L is yet to come..

 

[Slowhandluke]

That depends on the individual my dear. Not the gender.

No, women and men are different
it's biological.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Im totally against male and female infidelity, But women seem to be more tolerant of it than men so. There's a reason for that and it's been that ways for years.

for the whole of human existence it's been like this..