^Fair enough!
Then DON'T make the commitment/take the vow and promise to 'forsake all others" (sometimes before God) and remain faithful to your spouse in matrimony for as long you both shall live.
OR if you do take such vows and realize down the road you cannot control yourself and your urges, redefine your vows
omitting that vow.
Anything other than that is
dishonest and
deceptive to both your wife/spouse and your children if you have anyway.
Surely no one advocates deception do they?
Well that's exactly what cheating is - it's lying and it's deception plain and simple.
By practicing deception, what kind of example do you think you're setting for your kids? Not to mention your own personal values.
I am not a man obviously but that does NOT mean I don't understand a man's biological desire to seek and have sex with many women, I grew up with five brothers!
And was raised by a dad who had other women while married to my mom.
BUT he did NOT "cheat" because my mom was fully aware, they had discussed it and it was a condition my mom agreed to because she wanted to preserve the family unit.
She was not in love with my dad anyway, nor was HE in love with her, they married for other reasons. Societal and to have a family.
They eventually divorced and my dad married a woman who became the love of his life and to whom he remained faithful, to my knowledge.
My mom actually pursued my dad because my dad was studying to be an attorney, he was handsome and had what you guys refer to as high SMV.
My dad married my mom because she was beautiful, a professional model at the time, her dad (my grandfather) was a prestigious judge in NYC and could open doors for my dad which he did.
But there was NO real love, my dad was unhappy, my mom was in denial about that which in retrospect was NOT a good and positive environment for us or children to be raised in. But that's another thread.
Anyway, my point IS although my dad acted on his male "biological imperative," he did NOT "cheat" he did not "deceive" my mom, they essentially re-defined the vow to "forsake all others," it was all out in the open,
which deemed him a man of strong character and integrity.
Had my mom not agreed, they would have divorced.
Do you understand the difference?
Having sex with others beside your spouse in and of itself is
not cheating nor deceptive. It's only cheating when it's done
without your spouse's or SO's knowledge and approval which makes it
deceptive and therefore wrong.
This is what I don't get. Why lie, why deceive?
Some of you discussed a time when men had many wives or "girlfriends," and this was accepted.
The difference between then and now is it was not a secret, there was no deception and as such no cheating. The women knew there were other women and they accepted it.
Just to be clear, I have absolutely NO issue with men acting on their biological imperative to have sex with many women, spin plates and not be monogamous.
Doing so does NOT make him a man lacking character and integrity.
He becomes a person of poor character lacking integrity when it's done in secret, when he/she breaks their commitment, does not keep their word/promise to "forsake all others" and is lying to and deceiving his spouse.
I dunno guys, I realize I'm not gonna change the world here and most of you may ignore me or not "get" what I'm saying, but let me ask you, what kind of world is it when lying and deception become OK?
Or that marital vows are meaningless and women should simply accept being lied to and deceived because of man's biological imperative to have sex with many? And cannot control their urges?
I don't understand that. Again, if you cannot control such urges and desires, which is fine, I have NO issue with that, then DONT take the vow to forsake all others OR again redefine the vows later if the situation changes but you still want to preserve the family unit in a marriage.
