Dissed by friends

[RestoretheROAR84]

I've noticed as I've gotten more social and confident that some of my closest friends are really disrespectful to me at times. I think I was so shy before that I didn't even notice/care. They'll do stuff like step in front of me and cut me out of a circle of people talking, try and boss me around to do little things for them that they could easily do themselves, and just generally try to keep me below them. I don't have this problem with people I haven't known for long because when they met me I wasn't a shy pushover, just those that I have known for a long time, it's as if they have this need to keep me below them because they still perceive me as someone that can be taken advantage of. It makes me really mad sometimes and I don't want to abandon these guys because they've been my best friends for so long. Any suggestions?

 

[theunflushables]

Tell 'em to knock it the fvck off. Explain to them you arent the same person you were before. And if they arent going to stop using like you did before then your done.

Basically then you will learn if they are trully your friends or not.

 

[Roulette]

I've noticed as I've gotten more social and confident that some of my closest friends are really disrespectful to me at times. I think I was so shy before that I didn't even notice/care. They'll do stuff like step in front of me and cut me out of a circle of people talking, try and boss me around to do little things for them that they could easily do themselves, and just generally try to keep me below them. I don't have this problem with people I haven't known for long because when they met me I wasn't a shy pushover, just those that I have known for a long time, it's as if they have this need to keep me below them because they still perceive me as someone that can be taken advantage of. It makes me really mad sometimes and I don't want to abandon these guys because they've been my best friends for so long. Any suggestions?

Yeah, totally man.

First of all, I'd say that these are not true friends if they have a need to "keep you below them". Continue being who you are and put yourself out there in a real, genuine way. Perhaps you should consider making new friends and only occasionally hanging out with your so called "best friends".

If they're trying to keep you below them, they're not worth it man.

Kudos,
Matt

 

[Max Power]

Well, I don't have this problem cause even before I discovered the community I was the more dominant one of my friends. I didn't diss my friends, like your friends are doing, but I led.

The decision is up to you. What's more important? Living your life the way you want or keeping friends who have permanently placed you some place in the food chain?

If I were you, I would do what I would do with a chick who was pissing me off or giving me a hard time. I would gradually withdraw my interaction with them and make myself less available until they started treating me the way I deserve to be treated.

 

[d9930380]

It's weird as that happens to most people who change positively.

It happened to me too. I actually had a "friend" say to me "I have to keep you in your place". We don't speak now, I just distanced myself from him and moved on. I don't hate him or dislike him, he just sees me a certain way and I've come to accept that will never change but ultimately I've changed so we're no longer compatible to be close friends. Maybe you have to make the same decision.

Because I hate to say it and take it from someone who knows. You won't change these people's oppinion of you, if anything you'll be the one that changes back just to conform to the group's view of you. (As humans we naturally conform to groups and our place in a group to survive). I wouldn't even introduce them to your new group as they'll probably sabotage your position there, so you'll be forced back into their group.

Move on and forget about them and every now and again meet up just to catch up. It's weird doing that as it's like going back in time. Like staying with parents who still see you as their little boy.

 

[On Point]

When you grow personally you'll outgrow some of your friends. It sucks, but look at it as a positive reflection of how you've changed. I've gone through this several times in my life.

Don't tolerate other people disrespecting you. If they can't deal with how you've changed you've got to NEXT them too. Some people derive part of their self-esteem by feeling superior to the people around them. It sounds like some of your friends are that way and now you're challenging their fragile egos.

Trying to hold on to them will drag you down with their BS and negativity. They will hold you back. Drop them and think of it as making room for better friends to come. It's hard but you'll find better friends who will help you achieve your potential. It's the difference between being a big fish in a small pond or choosing to be small fish in a big pond and grow. Why not strive to be the 800 lb. gorilla fish in the biggest pond? Sounds like more fun to me.

I've noticed as I've gotten more social and confident that some of my closest friends are really disrespectful to me at times. I think I was so shy before that I didn't even notice/care. They'll do stuff like step in front of me and cut me out of a circle of people talking, try and boss me around to do little things for them that they could easily do themselves, and just generally try to keep me below them. I don't have this problem with people I haven't known for long because when they met me I wasn't a shy pushover, just those that I have known for a long time, it's as if they have this need to keep me below them because they still perceive me as someone that can be taken advantage of. It makes me really mad sometimes and I don't want to abandon these guys because they've been my best friends for so long. Any suggestions?

 

[Obsidian]

These guys sound like @ssholes. Drop 'em like a rock. You don't have to put up with that sh1t.

Seriously, read about "indirect bullying." These guys are acting like teenage girls.

 

[oteao99]

"It's weird as that happens to most people who change positively.

It happened to me too. I actually had a "friend" say to me "I have to keep you in your place". We don't speak now, I just distanced myself from him and moved on. I don't hate him or dislike him, he just sees me a certain way and I've come to accept that will never change but ultimately I've changed so we're no longer compatible to be close friends. Maybe you have to make the same decision.

Because I hate to say it and take it from someone who knows. You won't change these people's oppinion of you, if anything you'll be the one that changes back just to conform to the group's view of you. (As humans we naturally conform to groups and our place in a group to survive). I wouldn't even introduce them to your new group as they'll probably sabotage your position there, so you'll be forced back into their group.

Move on and forget about them and every now and again meet up just to catch up. It's weird doing that as it's like going back in time. Like staying with parents who still see you as their little boy."


damm that is great advice and it is so true!








pick 1 for a fight and show him who's boss (don't accualy hurt him thou). Then the other's will respect you more. Also don't react to their little games just ignore them. If they get all up in your face, let them know who they r f ucking with. Don't take sh1t, it's so un dj like.

 

[onyx]

I had the problem with people I didnt know well. But with my close friend I'm the center of attention the whole time.

I've changed over the last 3 years though and got like super confident whereas before I was quite shy and quiet. But in my growing as a person I have outgrown at least 3 groups of friends. I think the friends I have now though are my friends for the long term.

 

[Boschy]

If you want to have good friends, you must be a good friend. Turn your analysis on yourself to see if you might be doing something that is making this happen. And if you come up blank (you're perfect?) then ignore the behaviour and just be a good friend to them...unconditionally.

 

[Phyzzle]

^^WWJpD?

(What would Joe Pesci do?)

 

[Obsidian]

wow, that looks like a cool movie. I need to watch that.

 

[Max Power]

This would be quite extreme to do, but it shows a perfect way around it. In the movie "Goodfellas" there is a good scene just like your situation. Joe Pesci and his girl walk into a bar and an old friend had just got out of prison. Him and the supposedly old friend hug and what not, Billy Batts the guy from prison starts to break his balls. Joe Pesci goes the nicest way to get him stop, but still firm. He dosent listen and Joe Pesci snaps, he shows him that he disrespected me and this is what happens when you do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oP1NMB_I0s

Watch the whole scene

This is what you should do. Make sure you have that Donovan song playing when you do it.

 

[Max Power]

Yo, Luke.

Way down below the Ocean
Where I wanna be ... she will be!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCSUfTEcWow