Disrespect

[catch227722]

Here is my situation:

I met this girl and we hit it off, I have been a challenge and she is really into me, she has a lot of guy friends and even hangs out with an ex but it doesn't phaze me. I persist with her but am not attached because I know that if it doesn't work out there are plenty of ladies out there. Thing is we party at my house on the weekend with a bunch of people and get drunk, now my bestfriend and roomate party with us and we he gets drunk he thinks he is the ladies man and all girls want him, even though he usually gets ugly chicks. Now I know this is a good mentality to have abou being a ladies man, but he gets drunk and says **** to the chick I am seeing, she brushes it off, but I feel disrespected by it. I mean if she said that she liked him I would next her and move on, but she is into me. I'm not jealous but I get pissed because I just feel disrespected by his actions. Any advice on how to deal with a situation like this? I am not trying to act beta but I hate being disrespected.

 

[Latinoman]

1- How old are you?

2- It appears that you two are not dating at all.

3- It appears that if you two are dating...there is nothing really going on as to indicate that's the case.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

... Any advice on how to deal with a situation like this?

Invite her over and nobody else, and for once in your life, try to actually do something with her. If she is not receptive, move on... why waste time? Life is short.

 

[catch227722]

Actually we are dating and we have sex all the time. I am just curious about how to deal with disrespect from others, especially from one of your boys.

 

[Sinistar]

she has a lot of guy friends and even hangs out with an ex

... clutch outcast AW. A complete waste of a good man's time (IMHO).

Now for a lesson in 'incongruity'

...she is really into me, she has a lot of guy friends and even hangs out with an ex but it doesn't phaze me.

...she brushes it off, but I feel disrespected by it.

I mean if she said that she liked him I would next her and move on, but she is into me.

I'm not jealous but I get pissed because...

...I am not trying to act beta but I hate being disrespected.

...but, but, but ... you are incongruent dude!

 

[catch227722]

I guess I have a lot to learn.

 

[Sinistar]

Actually we are dating and we have sex all the time. I am just curious about how to deal with disrespect from others, especially from one of your boys.

...actually (from what I read) your friends probably aren't disrepecting you! They are just seeing this *type of girl* for what she is and treating her that way. The difference is that you probably have some degree of feelings for her whereas the others don't. So you are perceiving their actions as direspectful.

Often a call (or demand) for respest is a covert attempt to balance an unbalanced equation - where the unbalanced equation is IL/Desire. Your girl is showing a lot of attention to other guys, your friends, her ex, etc.

Now if you were 100% comfortable with that you would be congruent and thus I would argue that you never would have posted in the first place. Yet you did.

...Or if your girl had mega IL/Desire she most likely would not be paying any of these other guys nearly the amount of attention that she is. And that in turn would leave you more at peace and far less sensitive to disrespect from others.

Girls (like the type you mentioned) rarely make good LTR material. And if you believe that then you'll probably want to detach from any level of feelings for her if you truly want to be FB's. And in either case (remain FB's or you move on), start seeing other women and you'll balance that equation in no time at all.

 

[speed dawg]

A girl with lots of guys friends is nothing more than a fukk buddy in my book. And it seems your boy is one of those ****y mofo's that thinks he can disrespect anyone. Depends on what he's saying to her. What is he saying? Only reason I would worry is because he is your pal. If it were some random guy I'd say don't sweat it because you can't make people respect you, and frankly, they don't matter enough. The girl should be able to take up for herself.

 

[catch227722]

Sinistar, you are right on being congruent thing, alot of time it's easier for others to see your mistakes. A lot of things have been clarified here. I guess I was wondering how you would deal with your closest buddies when they do **** like this whether you are serious about the girl or not.

 

[catch227722]

We have been out several times and from what I have seen she isn't a flirt, as a matter of fact most of the time she is all over me, I think it is more like Speedwag said, the only reason I posted because this is a close buddy of mine not some random guy.

 

[Sinistar]

Sinistar, you are right on being congruent thing, alot of time it's easier for others to see your mistakes. A lot of things have been clarified here. I guess I was wondering how you would deal with your closest buddies when they do **** like this whether you are serious about the girl or not.

...here's the thing: I have only experienced what you've mentioned when I have been with women whom didn't really respect me. Back then I figured it was my friends/guys that weren't respecting me when in reality it was her. And to take that a step further, those women didn't respect me because they simply weren't that into me.

Dude, your buddies are just doing what average guys do around this type of woman - giving her attention. The odds are, if your buddy was truly disrespecting you AND your woman had a cranked IL for you, that your girl would be mentioning (to you) that this is making her uncomfortable. Then I would step in and say something.

However, if your girl seems okay with all this attention and you are serious enough about her for it to bother you then I think you should ask yourself a few questions befor taking any actions. For example, why really does your friend show her this attention? Perhaps he doesn't really think you two are serious/dating. If that's the case is what he's doing really wrong. Actually then, what she's doing is not wrong either - is it? And ask yourself why she's accepting all this other attention? Perhaps she's totally okay with the FB thing so she's holding up to her end of the bargain - playin' the field with no strings attached.

It would seem you *expect* your buddy to *respect* you and your relationship with this woman. Yet what you've described is not exactly a relationship.

So what exactly do you *expect* of her and of your friend given your current situation with her?

 

[Wyldfire]

When your roommate starts hitting on her take her to your room and have really LOUD sex with her.

 

[catch227722]

Your right again

Thanks Sinistar, one AFC habit I still have is over analyzing things. My head is pretty clear now and I learned a lot. Seriously thanks man.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Actually we are dating and we have sex all the time. I am just curious about how to deal with disrespect from others, especially from one of your boys.

ahh, ok, so she is more than just a friend. In that case, when he's sober, tell him since he is so desperate and has to resort to hitting on his friend's girls, maybe you can help him get a girl of his own. If he says he was just kidding, say great, cause you've always wanted to kid around with his mom the same way.