Discussion about what to say in emails for online dating

[omkara]

Hi... I actually found this discussion really helpful for insight on what to write and what not to write when hitting on girls online. I am still terrible at it though. I would recommend not to use C & F unless you really know what you are doing. I have broken off more email communications with C & F than with anything else. Even just boring conventional chit-chat would be better. I have used C & F very well on dates, when there is more of a vibe, but I think in email it often just makes them write you off as being an a-hole. I think being friendly comes first, unless you have some more advanced way of creating attraction. If the girl is interested in you, maybe it's better to just let her hang around long enough for rapport to develop, before starting in with the negs and takeaways. At least that's the theory I'm operating under right now.

http://ask.metafilter.com/104704/Help-me-write-excellent-online-dating-emails

Here is a sample of the discussion, which has a lot of input from different viewpoints... girls (sorry I mean women), narcissistic girls, AFC's (the one asking the questions), and regular guys:

Some of my male friends routinely paste me their dating site messages to girls. These are the biggest (and let me tell you- glaring) mistakes along with the impression created:

- Way too freaking long. More than like 3 sentences (unless girl in question herself wrote over a thousand words) is way too long. Don't you have things to do with your time? How much have you invested in this email, etc.
- Play by play commenting on things in the profile. Oh, my god, did you have two windows up when you did this? Don't you think being interested in every single thing I mentioned seems a bit disingenous? The best way to avoid this is to make one (1) joke based on something in her profile -- that's it.
- Telling her she's cute or seems interesting. Well, duh! "I think we'd get on fine" is also unnecessary, but doesn't always come out tacky, if you must.
- Sounding like a job application. Your profile is the job application. The email is more of a "hey girl, what's up?" (see: informalizing).

General tips:
- In general I'd worry a lot about doing the whole play by play setting up of pros and cons thing: this is what your replies are looking like.
- Most ladies over 22 do not like poor grammar. Many do not care about capitals, but don't throw in errors to appear "casual".
- There are no set rules for this. Your first email can suggest a meeting. Don't be shocked if she doesn't accept until you've chatted once or twice. People who want to talk forever probably aren't that interested in actually meeting up.
- Persevere. Sometimes you will hit on someone cleverly and they will stop replying. Trying again in a week or two could work People are busy, etc.

thx peace