LuckyStrike88 said:
As soon as you meet a girl that you really like you and end up in a relationship with her, you limit yourself in your manhood and do things that are ineffective. Letting her walk over you too much, not doing or saying the things you actually want to do/say.
:
- When she does something you don't like you take it and let her get away with it.
- When you think of something edgy, ****y/funny thing to say you hold it in. Because you are too afraid to upset her.
- When she complains about something you do, you apologize. Sometimes even letting her walk over you when deep down you know in some cases she had no right to complain and she is just having an attitude.
- You kiss up to her and treat her like a queen, when she hasn't done anything special to deserve that. Some even asked for it and you mostly just say "Sure baby". Money, gifts, taking her places.
- When she feels bad about something you get nervous and try to do anything in your power to keep her happy. Instead of giving her the opportunity to solve some problems herself and for her to grow on it.
- You don't tease her when she does something silly because you are afraid to upset her.
- You generally just stay very passive and try to keep her happy, so that you don't lose this what you have convinced yourself of being the perfect girl. But doing these things actually cause you to slowly but surely lose her.
In time, being guilty of one or more of these things. It eats you up, you will start to feel weak, unhappy. Knowing that she wears the pants, and she knows it too. She will start to get distant, showing less intimate interest. Which makes you feel even weaker and repeating the same mistakes that brought you to this point. It's a cycle that continues untill she has had enough, and breaks up with you.
Very good analysis. This is very similar to some of my friend's mindset and actions towards women. Its interesting because my best friend has said something along the lines of "I'm whipped man.. this f*cking sucks" meaning he was her b*tch yet he didn't do anything to fix it or want to learn how to fix it. He just let it happen. I was around him and his girl often and I basically saw first hand how his relationship with her crumbled. She sh*t tested and even just regular "man" tested him(leadership, decision making, etc..) so much and he did much of what you stated above in hopes to make her "happy."
It sort of blows my mind that I knew exactly what was wrong with his, or hers, relationship and knew how to fix it.
LuckyStrike88 said:
Thanks MOTU, i got a feeling i should go read this book
You have peaked my interest concerning helping another person with their problems in a relationship. You say it totally shifts a relationships dynamic?
Yes it does.
When you basically be a women's gay male girlfriend in a relationship or out, you become less from a potential "lover" to a potential "provider." Or also known as a boyfriend to a father/friend. There is a triangle that
JoshSway made that describes it perfectly, I don't know the link sadly.
It is not your job to be her therapist or dad, it is your job to be her boyfriend. Well not really your "job" but it is highly advised to stick to being her boyfriend/lover and nothing else. So when a girl tells you her problems, just listen! Don't give her any advise unless she asks for it!
LuckyStrike88 said:
A girl that broke up with me was actually dealing with problems, in the form of getting rid of an addiction. And it's hard for me when i care about someone like that not to do anything to help her and i tried my best to do so near the end of the relationship. How do you handle that? Isn't it obvious that you will help your girlfriend out with her problems or is there something i am missing here?
First off, why would you get exclusive with a chick that has serious problems to begin with? If you can avoid a problem then avoid it! Don't make things harder than they should be.
But If I ever get into that situation that you were once in, I would maintain my frame and ONLY be there when she needs me most. I will not treat her any different than I would with a normal girl actually. When it comes to relationships, your frame means everything.
LuckyStrike88 said:
Eventually she told me she wasn't ready to have a relationship, that she wasn't herself right now. And that she had to love herself again first. To start a new relationship. Before we got into problems i actually made her feel better and she was recovering well. But at a certain point me being with her wasn't making her feel better anymore, my gut tells me that she didn't feel the same for me anymore after being too much of a niceguy
. Or she might just really have needed her alone time. I still don't know what to make of it.
Could you elaborate on the helping another person in this case girlfriend with her problems and what your thoughts are on my situation? Thank you
The part I highlighted in
bold is crap. What she really said is that she isn't ready to have a relationship with YOU. You've clearly lost your frame with this girl so I guess you can consider this a "light breakup."
You can never go wrong about leaving a girl alone. Only be there when she needs you most, so in this case, maybe a public meeting on her recovery or something.
Just read this and you'll be in good hands:
Des said:
