Disappointment - Reality vs. Expectations

[Upside]

Tuesday night, I invited a girl over for dinner. For all intents and purposes we are bf/gf and have had sex, but I have avoided "the talk" for some time. She has been great to me thus far, but now her mood swings are becoming far more frequent than I am willing to handle. It is happening far too often for me just to rationalize it as a girl being emotional. A common hang-up she has is:

1) I don't seem to really care.
2) Afraid of losing me.
3) Bottle up my emotions, etc.

I don't verbalize my feelings much and it isn't a product of learning game. Naturally, I have become reserved and introverted growing up. She equates my lack of verbiage to mean that I don't like her much, which isn't true. She's great (cooks, pays her way + my way sometimes, supportive, engaging conversations at times)...outside of her moodiness and criticism of my behavior. Funny enough, any criticism I lay on her behavior becomes a tear-filled experience I must have to deal with. I.e. telling her to have fun while doing something instead of worrying whether I care enough. I have already cut down on how much I sleep over and spend time with her. More time apart will do her good and maybe I can determine whether or not I will have to screen this one out.

Back to Tuesday. The plan was for her and I to make a relatively simple meal together just for kicks. I supply the goods and she was going to be fun and help me out. Then after we hang out for a bit and do the deed. Plan went wrong.

She came over to my place straight from a yoga class, which is fine because I love ladies in yoga pants. I had my laptop set up with the directions of how to make our meal and I had a baseball game on my computer as well. Just something to look at in-between this and that. Before we even started she wanted to look at her facebook page. This fvcking piece of $hit website has become the bane of my existence and especially for this evening.

Whatever, a quick peek isn't going to be the end of the world. But it was more than that. 10 minutes in as I am cracking eggs and getting the meat ready, she is having a wall conversation on facebook. It was clear to me at this point that she was more interested on whatever was on her computer than making dinner and talking to me. I lose it. I didn't lose my temper, but I become very short with her. I explicitly told her to get off my computer, and then she told me that she would just go get her computer instead.

At this point I just give up on the idea of this littler dinner date I planned. I pretty much prepared 70% of the food and cleaned 90% of the dishes while she was in her own little world. The tension in the air was so thick and I wanted her to feel it. I didn't even want her to eat but that would have been to explicit. She barley spoke while eating. She was very cold and barley looked at me. Afterwards she helped clean up a bit more and then just left. The plan was for her to stay over, but I didn't even care.

What bothers me is that she was so interested in doing this. Asking when we would make dinner. Telling me she was excited and couldn't wait. But no less than 15 minutes her attention was not on the dinner but on her computer. I didn't have candles. This wasn't meant to be fancy. Just two people enjoying each others company. Honestly, I would have had a better night cooking if she wasn't there.

Haven't talked to her since last night when she left and I am debating whether to respond to her when she does. I don't have facebook and it was apparent that the facebook world was more important than the one she was actually living in while supposedly her "favorite person" was in the room looking to enjoy some time with her. I didn't touch my phone all night. It has been increasingly difficult to get her to pay attention to me without some distraction. Her words and the expectations I have of her are disappointing in comparison to her behavior.

This turned me off A LOT. I know I'll get over. But I have never been this upset with her before. Not during her tear-filled cries for my affection, not during her moodiness, not even over some random other things that at times annoy me. This takes the cake. She is becoming less and less LTR worthy as I experience more of these disappointments. I expected better of her at this point. She knows my views on a lot of things (i.e. no texting while on a date outside of emergencies) and she still pushes my buttons over this bull$hit. Maybe this was a $hit test and I failed. I don't know how to handle this really. My **** wants her and her femininity and she has great potential, but my brain is telling me that she's been in the minors for far too long. She either meets that potential soon or she's a bust, so to speak.

 

[GotED?]

definite signs of an Attention Wh*re - she ain't getting it enough from you, I recommend you start spinning plates and looking for the light elsewhere than from her goldplated p*ssy.

 

[Fly By Night]

Man, I think you kind of lost your temper just a bit. I go on FB and I might end up looking at stuff for 30 mins, and I hardly even talk to people on it. I'm sure she would have been done within 30 mins and you guys would have had a better night. FB is one of woman's best friends because it lets them snoop in other people's business and talk about her emotions to the whole world.

You might see a heavy mood swing coming up :l

 

[cstrife32]

Should have told her to leave when she said "I'll go get my computer instead." Definitely was a **** test. She seems like the type who does this a lot and from your posts it seems she has succeeded before. Once you fail a sh!t test, they don't stop coming. Don't take it harshly, definitely go no contact for a while and let that hamster wheel turn.
If you guys hang out again, monitor her behavior really closely. If she gives you any more sh!t tests, you have to just say to her, "I don't like what you're doing, if you're not gonna stop acting this way, you should leave." You have to set your boundaries with women, it is the most important part. You would have no problem saying no to your mother, so you shouldn't have a problem saying no to her. If she isn't willing to respect your boundaries, she doesn't respect you. If she doesn't respect you, she doesn't belong in your life.

 

[flashpoint]

i am just wondering ... if you never tell her how much you like her and like being with her, how is she supposed to know that this was somehow important? to cook together and do couples stuff?

and it might even really have been a test, just showing you how she feels when she is with you. just a theory. and doesnt the whole situation itself illustrate one part of the problem? you were clearly upset but didnt talk about it, just showed her your cold shoulder and let her feel it. maybe another thing she wanted to provoke, to have real human reaction from you so she can relate to something.

ok call me a fagott for it, but i feel there are two sides and it is too easy to get caught up in these games where everyone only tries to protect him/herself in one way or the other.

 

[Stagger Lee]

It just doesn't seem to be working out. It may not matter why because it may not be really salvagable. With limited information, I get a sense that maybe you are a little too closed off emotionally and too dominating or alpha behaving. I'd hesistate to say you should engage her emotions more and show more vulnerability as that is as likely to backfire on you as not. It just doesn't seem continuing to do more of what you've been doing is going to change her around much. So other than changing up how you interact with her, what else is there but to let this one go? Maybe she's just not that compatible, interested or not relationship material.

I see flashpoint's post now and it'ss along the lines of what I was getting at.