Disappointed, either with the Situation or Myself

[Amon Rob]

I met a girl a while ago in another state, we hit it off instantly. I was only there for three days, but things were pretty cool. We kept in touch, she got a boyfriend, I concentrated on doing my own thing (and in the process got played by three women in a row). As a result of all the bull****, I developed a woman-hating personality (which I've gotten over). This summer she started calling me, talking about the possibility of me comming to see her (while she still had a boyfriend). I refused, completely convinced I was going to get used.

Then she tells me she and what's-his-face break up, and asks about me driving down. Again I refuse, not wanting to be somebody's rebound action. After a few weeks, we start talking, and she makes the decision that she'd like to take time off and drive up to see me instead. At this point, seeing as how I like the girl plus it doesn't cost me anything, I agree. She's excited to see me, makes plans, gets things in order, etc. Days ago, her roommate (who owns the car) and her have a falling out, and she can't come. Seeing as she went through all the trouble of setting this thing up, and I have nothing better to do, I offer to drive down.

For the past few weeks she sent messages telling me how psyched she was, calling to ask if I have a GF, by now I'm starting to expect things(physical). I was supposed to be driving down there today, but yesterday she sends me this message saying Gabe (her ex) is really excited to see me. At this point I'm like "what the f?!"

Called her, had a long-a$$ discussion. She says they're seeing other people, I tell her I'm not going to waste my time comming to see her if she's still attatched, I ask why the hell she wants me to come. She admits she still likes me, but knows the long-distance thing won't work. She wants to hang out, she wants me to meet her friends, see where she grew up, etc. I tell her that I still liked her and wanted to see her, but I wasn't going to bend over backwards just to end up feeling like I've been toyed with. I cancel on this weekend, telling her that if she ever gets things together she can call me, but expecting never to talk to her again.

So here I am, feeling like a complete AFC and wondering what the hell I've been doing for the past month. Considering her excitement, showing interest, our past connection, asking if I had a girl, etc., was it foolish of me to expect anything? I know I probably shouldn't have cared so much about one girl, but I guess I couldn't help myself. Any advice or input would help here.

 

[dereklearnslow]

I don't think that was an AFC move to tell her you weren't coming cause she was still attached/talking to her ex. That could have been the right move on your part.

Then again, you coulda got some free head or something. Who knows.

 

[Amon Rob]

Thanks man. I'm just wondering if it was an AFC move to spend so much time playing around with this long-distance girl in the first place.

 

[##17]

I met a girl a while ago in another state, we hit it off instantly. I was only there for three days, but things were pretty cool. We kept in touch, she got a boyfriend, I concentrated on doing my own thing (and in the process got played by three women in a row). As a result of all the bull****, I developed a woman-hating personality (which I've gotten over). This summer she started calling me, talking about the possibility of me comming to see her (while she still had a boyfriend). I refused, completely convinced I was going to get used.

Then she tells me she and what's-his-face break up, and asks about me driving down. Again I refuse, not wanting to be somebody's rebound action. After a few weeks, we start talking, and she makes the decision that she'd like to take time off and drive up to see me instead. At this point, seeing as how I like the girl plus it doesn't cost me anything, I agree. She's excited to see me, makes plans, gets things in order, etc. Days ago, her roommate (who owns the car) and her have a falling out, and she can't come. Seeing as she went through all the trouble of setting this thing up, and I have nothing better to do, I offer to drive down.

For the past few weeks she sent messages telling me how psyched she was, calling to ask if I have a GF, by now I'm starting to expect things(physical). I was supposed to be driving down there today, but yesterday she sends me this message saying Gabe (her ex) is really excited to see me. At this point I'm like "what the f?!"

Called her, had a long-a$$ discussion. She says they're seeing other people, I tell her I'm not going to waste my time comming to see her if she's still attatched, I ask why the hell she wants me to come. She admits she still likes me, but knows the long-distance thing won't work. She wants to hang out, she wants me to meet her friends, see where she grew up, etc. I tell her that I still liked her and wanted to see her, but I wasn't going to bend over backwards just to end up feeling like I've been toyed with. I cancel on this weekend, telling her that if she ever gets things together she can call me, but expecting never to talk to her again.

So here I am, feeling like a complete AFC and wondering what the hell I've been doing for the past month. Considering her excitement, showing interest, our past connection, asking if I had a girl, etc., was it foolish of me to expect anything? I know I probably shouldn't have cared so much about one girl, but I guess I couldn't help myself. Any advice or input would help here.

I have no idea why you'd be mad at yourself. Sounds to me that you handled the situation perfectly, except for letting yourself feel that way towards her.

--You waited until she broke up supposedly with her boyfriend. Smart. You don't want to be palyed for aa chump, likely if you went down to see her.

--You `tested' her correctly to see if she would come up and see you. Smart.

--When you realized that she indeed would but could not due to circumstances beyond her control (sort of) you offered to drive down. Another good move on your part. A lot of guys getting into the game don't know when to bend.

--When she let on that she was still attached to her ex, you called her out on it and cancelled. Smart move. If you had gone down, you probably would have gotten played.

I don't know how you could have handled this better.

 

[niceguydying]

I agree w/ Derek!!! You did exactly what I would have done. You did the right thing by first allowing her to drive to you, but then when she couldn't make the drive you offered only to hear more crap later. Finally, being the smart man you are you say forget it!

Women and their games is something you do not have to put up with. Sure you wasted a month on this flake, but the lesson learned would be better than anything you would have gotten from a relationship.

 

[Amon Rob]

Thanks guys, I'm still starting off in the game, so I tend to be hard on myself. But I now that I look at this objectively, I actually feel pretty damn good.