Dirty Weekend Boyfriend Obstacle

[Crow]

I met a girl over the summer who had a boyfriend she was unhappy with, knew I had a girlfriend. We had awkward sex and she moved to another ocuntry, but it was very on. We talked a few times in the next few weeks and decided to have a weekend together.

Right before leaving, she tells me she has to tell me something. I respond that she really doesnt have to tell me anything sensing in her vagueness that it's not something I want to know. It turns out, that she really can't not tell me and when we meet she says she met a new dude and is "really" in love. I dismiss it.

Later on she brings him up again to protest sex. Just when I have enough, she relents and everything is good.

Next day though, same ****. This time, I just get really annoyed and fall asleep - not able to power through it like a Jedi master.

I don't know if she is trying to make me jealous and its fabricated or if it's real, but she's doing my head in.

Any advice to roll over it on this last day/night would be appreciated. She's getting so iced after this.

 

[vitor]

Well either
A. Just ignore it sleep with her one last time and who cares.
B. Just leave or ask her to leave

Whats the problem here?

 

[Crow]

I am going for A, but it's just not working out and was hoping for some constructive encouragement.

 

[Crow]

It was all a fiasco and now I am back in the states and am having the hardest time of my life not calling. Wish someone could come and slap me in the face.

 

[Scars]

I'd cut her off. Unfortunately, she's going to ride a few d!cks whether you like it or not. But if you leave without a good bye, then eventually she is going to come back. It's going to fvck with her head a bit. When she does, don't give in just yet. Let her wonder, let her anxiety grow. Eventually she is going to beg for you. Then you have her on your leash again, fvck her as you please. When you leave suddenly the girl will always wonder and come back, she may even have a boyfriend or still be dating the guy, just get her feeling amazing. Remind her why she cheated with you, why she was fvcking you, and how she felt when you were together. Her emotions will over ride her logic soon enough, just give it some time. Start spinning other plates and distract yourself from this chick for the time being.

 

[Crow]

Thanks. I know your right. She emailed me once on Tuesday. I have been totally quiet so far, but it's hard to not respond or reach out, because she's all over my brain like white on rice. Mostly working alone lately with not that much to distract isn't helping. I've got other plates, but they don't really cut it in the same way.

The other guys don't really bother me so much. She's HB11, it's inevitable. Not being there, I don't really feel any right to be possessive in that sense.

The real problem at this moment is that I am having a hard time treading through these frequent moments of weakness when I am alone and not reaching out when I really feel like I want to.

 

[Crow]

This whole thing is still wearing on me. I've successfully not drunk dialed, emailed or texted since parting, but fight everyday with myself to maintain this.

Looks like I'll be back in her part of the world in a few months. She knows this is a possibility and we will run into eachother if I am there. The question is, should I perpetuate the cold treatment and risk it being weird when I go? or should I reach out occasionally in a friendly way just to keep things 'normal' knowing that she'll respond if I do?

Also, can we move this to mature man, since my age was not posted before and is now?

 

[Crow]

The problem is that if I call her and try to play it cool, it's likely to turn out badly, which tells me it's better just to keep things on ice for a while more.

Me: hi
HB11: I'm with d1ckx (or y).
Me: **** off.[click]

 

[jophil28]

I met a girl over the summer who had a boyfriend she was unhappy with, knew I had a girlfriend. We had awkward sex and she moved to another ocuntry, but it was very on. We talked a few times in the next few weeks and decided to have a weekend together.

Right before leaving, she tells me she has to tell me something. I respond that she really doesnt have to tell me anything sensing in her vagueness that it's not something I want to know. It turns out, that she really can't not tell me and when we meet she says she met a new dude and is "really" in love. I dismiss it.

Later on she brings him up again to protest sex. Just when I have enough, she relents and everything is good.

Engrave these thoughts deeply in your belief system.

"I am lusting after, and emotionally attached to, a woman who has casual sex with random men .
She recruits them as members of her fan club, and plays one off against another like chess pieces for her ego convenience and to maintain absolute control.
I am merely one of her fans while ever I remain in contact with her. "

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Repeat this too: I am going to stop being a chump, and if I am going to worry about anything in life, it will be things that actually matter.

 

[Crow]

Wish I had read this yesterday before a total lapse. I called and it was fine, but this chick really pulls the worst out of me. I just can't maintain control as easily as with others.

Not to defend her, but I was the one who recruited her for casual sex to satiate my own ego, so even if she is doing the same, where is my moral high ground. The real problems are to do with emotional attachment.

Tjanks guys for the responses. They are helping me maintain perspective in the face of my biologies pull of irrationality.

 

[jophil28]

You have tangled with a woman who uses casual sex to hook men rapidly and then when they start developing "feelings" (which she is expert at detecting) she backs away .
Her melodramatic revelation that she was "in love" with another guy was an invention to set you up to play her alltime favorite game called, "Let's you and him fight over me". She is pedestalizing herself.
This game can be played even if the other guy does not exist. She only has to suggest that he does. How would you know any different ?
However this type of mindfvcking woman usually has a few guys orbiting or warming on the bench .
IF you are smart enough to eject, she merely pulls another one of them forward and repeats the same scam. Wash, rinse, repeat .

 

[Colossus]

All hot women cheat.

Sounds like you were very attracted to her, and this game of push-pull stirred up your emotions and developed into a bit of One-itis. It happens, don't beat yourself up. Just look at WHY it happened and what factors predict this outcome. Be cognizant of those in the future.

 

[Crow]

You guys are all pretty spot on and I know this already, but it helps to hear it. This thing can probably stretch out, but it's not likely to be more than what it is for a long time. If I can detach a little, it would be a lot more fun. And YES, I have oneitis event though I have a girlfriend, and plates and the world at my feet.

 

[jophil28]

You guys are all pretty spot on and I know this already, but it helps to hear it. This thing can probably stretch out, but it's not likely to be more than what it is for a long time. If I can detach a little, it would be a lot more fun. And YES, I have oneitis event though I have a girlfriend, and plates and the world at my feet.

You can "spin plates" all day and all night but it really does not help much if you have caught oneitis for a woman who is clearly toying with you .
Drawing men into her web, and then pushing them away when they start to show signs of attachment, is her main game. In fact it is her only game...it is pvssy power in it's most callous form. She deliberately sets men up to be hurt by exploiting their natural emotional responses to a hot woman.

The only effective counter to this tactic is No Contact. She is an expert at playing this game and you are not. Whatever you do and whatever stategy you adopt will never 'win' against a woman who behaves like this.

She is demonstrating some Cluster B signs and symptoms.
Consider this - what kind of woman fukks you and then tells you soon after that she is in love with another man? When,and how did that happen ? She was seeing someone else(and probably fukkin him too ) as well as fukking her B/f, and also doing you on the side?

Think long and hard about the wisdom of continuing to talk to her.

 

[Crow]

You can "spin plates" all day and all night but it really does not help much if you have caught oneitis for a woman who is clearly toying with you .
Drawing men into her web, and then pushing them away when they start to show signs of attachment, is her main game. In fact it is her only game...it is pvssy power in it's most callous form. She deliberately sets men up to be hurt by exploiting their natural emotional responses to a hot woman.

The only effective counter to this tactic is No Contact. She is an expert at playing this game and you are not. Whatever you do and whatever stategy you adopt will never 'win' against a woman who behaves like this.

She is demonstrating some Cluster B signs and symptoms.
Consider this - what kind of woman fukks you and then tells you soon after that she is in love with another man? When,and how did that happen ? She was seeing someone else(and probably fukkin him too ) as well as fukking her B/f, and also doing you on the side?

Think long and hard about the wisdom of continuing to talk to her.

You are absolutely right. I just wish I could internalize what makes so much sense. My weakness keeps haunting me. Sitting alone at work with not enough going on, my mind keeps returning and then the moment overwhelms sensibility.

I need a babysitter!

Let me clarify that she had a boyfriend and when we ****ed she was never leading. She broke up with him and moved. Then we planned to meet a few weeks in advance of it haPpening and the new dude happened in the meanwhile. I never wanted exclusivity and maybe made the mistake of saying so in a misguided gesture of largesse.

 

[jophil28]

You are absolutely right. I just wish I could internalize what makes so much sense. My weakness keeps haunting me. Sitting alone at work with not enough going on, my mind keeps returning and then the moment overwhelms sensibility.

I need a babysitter!

Let me clarify that she had a boyfriend and when we ****ed she was never leading. She broke up with him and moved. Then we planned to meet a few weeks in advance of it haPpening and the new dude happened in the meanwhile. I never wanted exclusivity and maybe made the mistake of saying so in a misguided gesture of largesse.

I understand how you feel about her because I had a year long "relationship " (of sorts) with a stunning woman who used the same tactics. THis was in 2006.
The painful demise of that relationship brought me to this forum three years ago.
I could write 10K words about what happened to me with her, and what I have learned from the collective wisdom of the guys here.

Everything that they told me back then came true, and was true.

Like you I looked for small signs of hope that she was NOT a CLuster B nut who enjoyed inflicting psychological pain on men, BUT I could find none of any substance. All the evidence pointed to a mentally diseased woman who looked like a goddess but behaved like Satan's daughter. I wanted to believe that she was a victim of her cir5cumstances, but her actions said that she was an abuser - an emotional abuser. She was an expert at playing the poor hurt woman when in fact she was a toxic evil shrew who used her attractiveness and her sexuality to stab men in the heart and then discard them.
Eventually the evidence prevailed, my head overruled my heart and I went No Contact.

The next time you are casting around in your head searching for reasons why you think that it can "work out ", ask yourself whether it is normal to have a woman who pushes her love for another guy in your face to fend off your advances ?
Is this the kind of woman who would make a suitable G/f for you?
Are you willing to continue pursuing her knowing that she is also fukking another guy ( and perhaps others who are caught in her web ).

Your choice, my man.

 

[Crow]

Thanks. I really really appreciate your posting. It's painfully clear to me that this isn't going where I want it. Yet, I want so badly to believe that things don't have to be formulaic.

Why is it the nature of desire to want what you can't have?

 

[jophil28]

Why is it the nature of desire to want what you can't have?

I believe that there is more going on here than "the forbidden fruit" syndrome.
Women like you describe have a polished style about them which is contrived to appeal to a man's desire to mate with a woman of 'quality'. They are experts at drawing your focus towards them by demonstrating sweet, compliant or uber feminine behaviour. Then they offer sex to complete the deal, and within a few weeks you are sold .
However, women who are personality disordered, or who have Cluster B traits, know that their recruitment of you will rapidly lead to your wanting some kind of future with them or at least an attachment which may further develop into an LTR. NOw she has a problem.
Women with Cluster B disorders tend to resist attachments in which they are require to commit or contribute in mature ways. They are incapable of creating or maintaining an adult relationship. They regard such an arrangement as restictive, and suffocating and so the mindgaming begins a few weeks into your connection with her. Typically she introduces your 'rival' into her conversations with you.
After about two months of dating, a 'normal' woman usually starts to feel safe, comfortable and secure with a new guy. In contrast, a Cluster B starts to feel engulfed and smothered by the prospect of exclusivity and commitment to one man. And this is when she starts her mindfvcking in earnest..She may provoke arguments, flake, cheat and let you know about it, or accuse you of undeserved wrongdoing. All this is designed to push you away just enough to allow her to start her favorite attraction game all over again with you..and so the breakup-makeup cycle becomes established as your sanity spins downward.

Because she has the emotional development of a child she regards you merely as playmate who is in her life to entertain her and provide fun excitement. But her version of excitement always includes inflicting pain on the guy.

You ever watch a cat chase a mouse around and play with it ?
Every once in a while the cat will slap the mouse just to hear it squeal in pain.

Cluster B woman are cats and their gullible playmates are mice.

 

[Crow]

It's true, there's a lot more that I didnt say here. Regardless of these facts, you are correct that she's toxic. Of course, sex with her was better than with anyone else lately.

Some facts, I'm probably painting a more negative picture of her than I'd like to because my take on the whole thing left me cold.

Last night, when I called even though I maybe shouldn't have she said she was scared to call me the entire 10 days I ignored her because she thought maybe I thought she was a ***** (I told her I never said I didn't think that).

My social standing is something that makes it hard for me to really connect with women. Even though I can score, it's always when I hide the fact that I am highly successful and make a lot of money. In this case it was really hard, because I was a peer of her boss and she really doesn't have anything being in grad school. It killed me that it would take very little for me,using my money, to make her life infinitely easier, but that if I did that, she would only be driven away by it.

This only starts to touch it.

Since starting this thread, I've pursued my other plates, and would have made any forum member here proud, but I'm still feeling a little off kilter. While I won't be calling this one for a while, it still feels like it's going to need some time to shake her hold on me.