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Dinner with girl and her friend

H

harpomarx

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(This got accidentally posted in the HS forum, not sure how - I'm sure I posted it from here...)

Hey everyone, haven't posted here in a long time but have made a lot of progress with approaches, etc, since my earlier posts. I've had a dating situation come up tho that I'd love some advice on...

I've been out with this one girl 3 times in the last couple of weeks. I felt it was going really well until the last date when - sparing details - things didn't go so well and I felt she was less enthusiastic about going out again than she had been before. Anyway, we were supposed to go out again on Friday (tomorrow) but today she texts me and asks if I'll go out to dinner and some show with her and her friend instead.

I haven't responded definitively yet, but I see a few problems with this right away: (1) it doesn't give us any alone time, (2) it seems like a bit of distancing after the last date, and (3) well... it could be awkward if it's mainly just the 2 of them talking amongst themselves. On the other hand, maybe it's a chance for me to be fun and sociable, show her another side of me, and maybe get her friend on my side as well.

Right now I'm leaning towards telling her to just go out with her friend and we'll get together some other time... However, I'd love to hear some advice from people who have been on this sort of date before, whether there's any advantage at all in me going... Please respond ASAP!

Thanks...
 
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imaginemypotential

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One can argue that going out with a girl along with her friend who rapture with can do some serious damage on the other hand.

I say go for it,as long as its not a guy. Think of it this way, you could neg her friend and make her even more attracted to you, and you could be of those lucky bastards who gets a threesome, you never know. Try to split the attention between them.

I'm just talking from experience, the attraction level usually ascends, when I go out with her friends or friend.
 
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JCballin88

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In my experience this hasn't always worked out very well. The friend is usually a UG who is going to be a ****block more than anything else.
 
S

scrouds

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Assuming this is a female friend, would ramping it up on the friend work to create some jealousy with the primary girl? If things go well, # close the friend and watch the other girl come running back.

Of course, this could severley backfire, but try and be in control, don't leave the date to the 2 friends, that would be bad and totally not in your favor. If it becomes about them two, then you're pretty well screwed.

Also, I wouldn't a single word or hint about any threesome. With you saying your girl is running cold, its totally not in the cards.
 
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trajhenkhet02

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This set up can work for you, but you have to have a very strong personality. People that are good at neg's thrive in this situation. Sounds like some kind of social test. Good luck. You'll be able to tell what evening your in for in about the first 15 minutes of the outing. If you end up getting ignored, tuned out, disrespected or other social shenanigans, that's probably not a good sign. Before you pass judgment try conveying a strong neg personality first if this starts to happen.
 
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harpomarx

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Thanks everyone. I told her I'd go. Turns out it'll just be dinner and her "friend" is actually her co-worker that she talks to every day. I think she's definitely just trying to get an opinion on me from someone she trusts.

Please post if you have any more tips on how to handle this one. I'm not going for her friend's number and definitely not for the 3some (ha!) - I guess I'll just try to come off as outgoing and attractive and hopefully get her friend on my side...
 
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RandallLambert

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With these things it is usually best to strike whilst the iron is hot. That means make your moves during date one, and at latest date two. By date three, she is getting the impression that you have needed three dates to figure out if you want her or not, not that you are trying to take it slow or whatever. Also a woman wants to be 'taken' and not 'deliberated over'. I would say arrange that date with her and her friend, and then not show up, or show up with another girl, and not explain who she is.
 
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Igetit!

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harpomarx said:
I've been out with this one girl 3 times in the last couple of weeks. I felt it was going really well until the last date when - sparing details - things didn't go so well and I felt she was less enthusiastic about going out again than she had been before.
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So you've already been on three dates with her,and yet for some reason,she still needs conformation from a third party about you?

That's weird.

Obviuosly you didn't make her feel comfortable enough on the first three dates. I guess she needs another opinion before making some sort of judgement on you,however,I don't know what she's expecting her friend to learn about you by bringing her along.

It would have been a LOT easier to know exactly what was going on here if you had given some detail about what went on on the first three dates.
 
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harpomarx

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Igetit! said:
Obviuosly you didn't make her feel comfortable enough on the first three dates. I guess she needs another opinion before making some sort of judgement on you,however,I don't know what she's expecting her friend to learn about you by bringing her along.

It would have been a LOT easier to know exactly what was going on here if you had given some detail about what went on on the first three dates.
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Well... the first 2 dates went well - had fun and lots of making out, etc... 3rd date she was gonna stay over but we'd had a lot to drink and I got whiskey d*ck and that was pretty much that. And now this. So I can't help but think that that messed things up big-time for us, or that she's gonna friend-zone me, or that she wants to see how I do in a social setting with her friends before we get that far again...
 
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Igetit!

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harpomarx said:
Well... the first 2 dates went well - had fun and lots of making out, etc... 3rd date she was gonna stay over but we'd had a lot to drink and I got whiskey d*ck and that was pretty much that. And now this. So I can't help but think that that messed things up big-time for us, or that she's gonna friend-zone me, or that she wants to see how I do in a social setting with her friends before we get that far again...
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This isn't really that helpful. You say that you two had "fun". What I meant was what did you two talk about on the dates? What EXACTLY did you talk about? And all the "making out" that you did on the dates,how far into the first date were you when it happened? Also,how much time passed between the 1st to 2nd date,and from the 2nd to 3rd?

Just saying you two had "fun" won't cut it. We need to look under the hood to find out what's really going on.
 
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harpomarx

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Igetit! said:
This isn't really that helpful. You say that you two had "fun". What I meant was what did you two talk about on the dates? What EXACTLY did you talk about? And all the "making out" that you did on the dates,how far into the first date were you when it happened? Also,how much time passed between the 1st to 2nd date,and from the 2nd to 3rd?

Just saying you two had "fun" won't cut it. We need to look under the hood to find out what's really going on.
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OK... well we met at a party where we made out for a while within like an hour or so of meeting. I think she may have regretted it later or didn't want to seem like that sort or girl or whatever - talked on the phone about how she wanted to see me sober and go on a proper date. So we did dinner for the 1st date - pretty standard conversation I think, coulda been better. Started off about school, family, what we wanna do, etc... Later on I teased her a bit, and got a couple SOIs in - about her playing rugby in high school and for wearing cosmetic glasses for the sexy librarian look. We kissed for a bit across the table and then stopped and made out a few times on the walk back. She had to get home and lives out of town so that was it.

For the 2nd, took her to a park on an island and walked around drinking wine from the bottle, rolled around on the ground for a while. It was cold but we had a blanket that we huddled under and walked around in most of the time. Figured things were going well cause she initiated things a lot and kept trying to get me to make plans with her for later in the summer - go to vegas, theme parks, etc.

Then Date 3 she comes to my place I think with the understanding that we're gonna f*ck. I told her to come over and have some daiquiris and teach me some of her rugby moves. Obviously I ended up with too much to drink cause I came up lame - she txted me the next day and said not to worry about it and that she'd been pouring extra rum in my glass all night - don't know if that's true or not, but whatever. Then to make matters worse she missed her last train home that night (she couldn't stay over) and got stranded for hours in some subway station on the wrong side of town. Had to get her brother to come pick her up at like 4am.

Anyway, she seemed a bit less enthusiastic about going out again after that - whereas previously she had agreed right away with no questions, this time she seemed to keep hesitating and asked for specifics on what we'd be doing. Then she txts me today saying I should just come out with her and her friend for dinner on Friday... not sure what that means, obviously, especially with respect to what happened last time. Shoulda mentioned getting whiskey d*ck in my original post, but it's kinda embarrassing... but I can't help but wonder if it's caused her to lose a bit of interest and whether that's connected to just wanting me to hang out with a friend this time...

Hope that helps... can't recall a lot of exact conversation, but I felt most of the way through that things were going well...
 
D

DonJuan11

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harpomarx said:
I've been out with this one girl 3 times in the last couple of weeks. I felt it was going really well until the last date when - sparing details - things didn't go so well and I felt she was less enthusiastic about going out again than she had been before. Anyway, we were supposed to go out again on Friday (tomorrow) but today she texts me and asks if I'll go out to dinner and some show with her and her friend instead.

Not good dude. As soon as a girl feels its ok to invite a friend along, you are dangerously close to the friend zone. If you really wanted to sleep with a girl, would you phone your buddy and ask for him to join you and her on a Friday night?

I haven't responded definitively yet, but I see a few problems with this right away: (1) it doesn't give us any alone time, (2) it seems like a bit of distancing after the last date, and (3) well... it could be awkward if it's mainly just the 2 of them talking amongst themselves.

You got it!

On the other hand, maybe it's a chance for me to be fun and sociable, show her another side of me, and maybe get her friend on my side as well.

Unless you want to sleep with her friend, that's a negative. No friends allowed until you are sure she's 115% into you.

Right now I'm leaning towards telling her to just go out with her friend and we'll get together some other time...
Click to expand...
You don't seem to need our help, your last line was good enough.
 
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I.A.F.Y.B.

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I'm hoping this friend is a girl. If its a guy.. dont bother.

But, if it is a girl-friend. Flirt with both of them. If the girl your seeing is interested in you still. She will get jealous and upset that your flirting with her friend and she will be wanting more of your attention.
 
H

horaholic

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With this situation, I say do it. Her interest plummeted, and this may be your saving grace.
 
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