Dilemma

[yogy]

So I am with this girl for about 5 months.This is my longest (exclusive) relationship.And I am in a big dilemma about her.What I mean is that she has a lot of red flags,but at the same time a lot of green ones.It's like for every red she has a green one if you know what I mean.
Here are some examples:
Red:
- had an physical abusive relationship ( beat her to the hospital )
- bad relationship with her parents (divorced,left home at 18-19 years) -
specialy bad relationship with her father
- likes (liked after we talked) to drink
- love clubs,partys ....
- not sure,but I think waaaaaaaay too many guy friends
- all her previous jobs where in the "entertainment" department (bartender,hostess... you know what I mean)

Green:
- likes to help people ( always there if I need help)
- gets along very well with my parents/friends
- not boring ( very important for me)
- good in bed
- she is a good cook (not that important but it's nice )
- mature for her age ( I don't like little spoilt princesses :nono: )

The thing is that I do like her a lot,but all those red flags .... I don't know.
What do you think ? I am doing a big mistake if I stay with her ??

 

[MisterMcGee]

MANY girls have those red flags (drinking, partying, etc). I don't count them as red flags any more, personally, unless it seeps into their personality too (which doesn't seem to be the case with this girl).

 

[The Bat]

Maybe you're overanalyzing?

Lot of girls like to drink, love clubs/bars, have way too many guy friends (who are usually orbiters), worked as waitresses/hostesses, etc.

I'd be worried about that first red flag. And the girls who have daddy issues are ALWAYS excellent in bed...for whatever reasons...maybe Freudian complexes? :crackup:

Anyway, I don't see a major problem from what you've told us so far. There must be a reason why you brought this up though. I feel that you aren't telling us something. :trouble:

 

[WC2]

The real question is, is she still into you?

If you're posting on these forums my guess is NO. No because you got this weird gut feeling that she may be fooling around, right?

Look, you can post as many red flags as you want, however it's really up to you what you want. If she makes you happy and still holds you in high interest, then give it a break.

The only red flag I see that would really affect me is the amount of guy friends she has. Almost every girl I've met who has lots of 'guy' friends has either banged them or is en route to banging them in the future. It never fails, no matter how innocent they may seem around them.

 

[yogy]

Maybe you're overanalyzing?

I know that,maybe this is the problem,but as I said the my first EXCLUSIVE relationship so .... :kick:

 

[The Bat]

I know that,maybe this is the problem,but as I said the my first EXCLUSIVE relationship so .... :kick:

So what's the big deal? You worried about losing her? If you answer yes, then you completely missed the point of a relationship.

Again, you are either bored and wanted to talk about this or there is something else you aren't telling us.

 

[Lotusman]

It depends on what you want from this girl and what your principles are that will influence your perception of what color the flag is.

your post reminds me of a previous relationship of mine... though the flags were slightly different: she was 5yrs older, had been divorced twice, cheated on 2 LT bf's, loved to flirt and party). I was having a great time but when i saw the signs that she wanted to step up the relationship a gear all those flags instantly turned crimson and I felt that this girl was just not LTR material for ME.

It hurt like hell for a bit bec i missed the passion and intimacy but the commitment was just not there from my part bec i didn't have that mindset and her red flags made me distrust her.

hope this help
good luck