Dilemma: Should I Still Try Talking to This Woman at My Gym or Simply Try Another?

[Frank2500]

I noticed a woman checking me out when I was working out seriously at the gym last Saturday. She was on one of the stationary bikes and each time I climbed on one of the pull-down machines to work on my triceps, she would look at me constantly without turning, each time I walked past her. It wasn't until I climbed back onto the machine that she stopped looking. I was dressed in a long-sleeve under armour shirt that seems to do a good job showing my triceps and biceps in general. She was tall and kinda seemed Eastern European.


Given the fact that I had noticed this woman checking me out, I was looking for an opportunity to make my move when she was done working out on the stationary bike. She left the stationary bike area and began to do sit ups by the water fountain. I wasn't sure if it was going to be a good idea for me to just show up all in her face like that in the middle of her workout, especially considering the fact that she had ear phones on, of course.


But then, before I knew it, some other guy who was obviously faster than that began hitting on her. He was drinking water from the fountain and then the next thing I knew, there he was sitting on one of the machines right next to this woman. And this time, her ear phones were taken off. They had a very long conversation as if the guy was trying to persuade her to give him her number. It seems as if it took about 37-42 minutes. Finally, I saw the guy punching her number in his cell phone. He was a black guy as well, average height wearing a bandana. He had short dreadlocks and a thick beard. As soon as I saw this happen, I lost interest and realized that I had once again possibly missed another chance.


After the two had finished their conversation and the guy left to workout on another machine, I decided to try a little experiment. I walked past the woman again to see if she would still check me out if I did so. I left the area where I was working out, walked to the water fountain, and from the moment I left that area, drank water and returned, that woman was still turning around and checking me out the entire time.


So here's my dilemma: If I should happen to run into this woman some time by herself, should I take a chance and still introduce myself to her and try talking to her, or should I just forget about it? As you guys know, men get very jealous and quite violent in this country when it comes to seeing women they are interested in or seeing talking to other men. I don't want to put myself in a situation where a guy gets jealous and the next thing you know, you're getting shot. After all, he's got her number already, and for all I know, maybe he even bedded her over the weekend if they hooked up. I saw him smiling at her on her way out of the gym and she also waved and smiled at him, since they had a very lengthy conversation. So what do you guys think? Do I just forget about this particular woman? Either way, I'm also concerned that it may be risky to try talking to her at the gym in the first place, since the other guy will probably like to be there whenever she's around so that they could be working out together.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Have you been making fun of her like I told you? Did you call her 'headphone lady', yet?

Notice what that guy did well, which is not hesitate. He's not a master pua if it took him 40 minutes to get a number, but notice that not hesitating went well for him. They call it the '3 second rule,' to not wait longer than three seconds to act on an impulse to talk to a girl. Overly analytical people like you (and me) do well to follow this rule. The next time it pops into your head that you might create a sosuave thread about a girl, just walk right up to the girl and talk to her then. If you do that, you will be here posting lay reports more than asking for advice.

If I saw a girl get hit on and give her number out, especially with the headphone defense act, I would tease her about it, mostly because that is some funny sh!t. You could say, "I saw that! You're just here to pick up guys, aren't you?" And laugh about it. Make her get red in the face. Then leave after you have had a good laugh. Get a running joke going with her, every time you see her tell her she can't have your phone number. If you would let go of caring about whether or not you get her, then you can actually have fun with the interaction. Paradoxically, caring more about enjoying yourself than getting laid is the best way to get laid.

Try using the three second rule and some light teasing in your interactions.

 

[joekerr31]

frank, listen to me very very carefully.

whatever you do, please god, whatever you do, DO NOT SAY HELLO to this woman.

if you say hello all hell might break lose. she might call the police and have you thrown in jail. her brothers might be terrorists and they will come kidnap you and torture you in their basement by attaching leeches to your testicles.

and thats not to mention this other guy. i mean, if he sees you saying hi to her who knows what he might do. i mean, he might do a drive by and kill you with an uzi.

for god sake man, whatever you do NOT say 'hello' to this woman.

i mean, what if you say hello and then that starts a conversation. anything could happen from there.

its just too damn risky man. do NOT say hello to this woman.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

I hear you, Joekerr. I thought the same myself. The fact that she's given him her number already and I saw it all unfold is more than enough evidence for me not to bother. I know how violent men can get in this country when it comes to women, and I'm not going to do something that might put me at risk. Even if she continues to check me out, I'll just act as if I didn't notice it.

 

[Frank2500]

Re: For Bible Belt

Bible Belt, the lady I'm referring to in this post isn't the "headphone lady" with the big ass I had mentioned about a while ago. I haven't seen that one at the gym in a while.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I hear you, Joekerr. I thought the same myself. The fact that she's given him her number already and I saw it all unfold is more than enough evidence for me not to bother. I know how violent men can get in this country when it comes to women, and I'm not going to do something that might put me at risk. Even if she continues to check me out, I'll just act as if I didn't notice it.

Brother Joekerr was being facetious.

You should absolutely say hello. But ONLY hello. Then go back to your business. Throw the bait out and she'll circle around wondering whether or not to bite it, but if you act correctly, she will bite it.

How do you know she gave this idiot her real phone number and not her standard fake? You're assuming facts not in evidence.

 

[Bible_Belt]

How do you know she gave this idiot her real phone number and not her standard fake?

or if she will answer or call him back even if it is real. I was thinking the same thing.

 

[Tazman]

I think Frank2500 actually has reason to be a atleast a little uneasy. Didn't you write a post about an attractive woman you greeted at the gym and she blew up at you?

I'm a little lazy about searching for it at atm.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

Thanks for your responses, folks. I appreciate it.

 

[Interceptor]

Frank, there's a lot of things I can offer,now, I may be way off base here, but something tells me I'm not, but there's something (that I'm sure you are aware of)about your writing style really gives me some clues about your behavior.

I'd say the number one thing that really sticks out to me about yourself is that you are WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TOO into "your head" observing yourself and how the people around you perceive you.

It seems that you are so obsessed in analyzing every little minute detail, that your main problem is how to deal with you "paralysis by analysis."

The way you describe yourself, and the interactions recording every little minute detail ("It seems as if it took about 37-42 minutes" WTF??! I mean..who writes like this???!! Most people will say "half and hour or so." But you know EXACTLY the length of time in minutes!! What were you doing? Looking at your watch the entire time??!!!) really shows the type of thought process you're struggling with.
I just think that analyzing yourself in a manner like "look how good I look in my tight UnderArmor longleeve shirt that displays my bulging biceps and triceps" is really going to hurt you in the long run.
Then translating that analytical style to women, is just going to be a disaster. Once the sh*t tests start flying at you, you will break. And IF...IF you may get past that because of woman's High IL, then she will start to see the real you, and the chinks in your armor. You won't get into LTRs this way , man. If that's what you want.
You have serious questions and concerns about your perception, from others and from yourself.

You need to get this handled, because it wil bite you in the ass in the future.



You are so focused inward in every thing you do, that it's affecting your ability to just be open, casual, comfortable, and approachable.

Relax, and accept yourself. Allow yourself to be relaxed, cool, casual,and comfrotable around yourself...be comfortable in your own skin.

Trust me, Frank. The benefits of doing this will be far reaching, the difficulties will only grow if you don't handle it. Frustratrion usually begets more frustration and negativity, and then a downward spiral. You don't want to be there.

Get out of your own head for a while. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. And try not to obssess on how you look.


Good luck.

 

[joekerr31]

I hear you, Joekerr. I thought the same myself. The fact that she's given him her number already and I saw it all unfold is more than enough evidence for me not to bother. I know how violent men can get in this country when it comes to women, and I'm not going to do something that might put me at risk. Even if she continues to check me out, I'll just act as if I didn't notice it.

hahaha.

ok frank, we just got to the bottom of yoru problem.

the fact that you took what i said seriously, which was obviously absurd, is a clear indicator that you have a serious issue with the fear of confrontation and the fear of what others think of you.

this exhibits itself in a form of obsessive analysis of your environment as well as a neurotic state of negative thinking.

you need to STOP thinking and just act. you need to stop worrying about outcome and focus more on the moment. you not only need to stop worrying about what others thing about you, but YOU have to STOP worrying about what YOU think of yourself!

frank, it is ALWAYS ok to say hello to someone. you SHOULD say hello to everyone you bump into - you will be amazed how you find yoruself in conversations with new people simply because you said hello.

because the moment you say hello to someone you are saying to them 'hey, if you ever want to chat with me, feel free."

because so many people are just like you - they are worried that the person they go talk to won't want to talk to them and that it will create a big awkward moment etc.

just the act of saying hello to people will open up your world in ways you couldn't imagine.

 

[joekerr31]

I think Frank2500 actually has reason to be a atleast a little uneasy. Didn't you write a post about an attractive woman you greeted at the gym and she blew up at you?

I'm a little lazy about searching for it at atm.

well once again... no one will blow up on you for saying hello.

hello is also a great way to test the waters before you make a an approach.

if you say hello to someone nad they give you a cold 'umm, hi.', then its more risky to approach.

but if you say hello to a woman and smiles back and appreciates you saying hello, then you're in good shape to go in for more.

 

[Tazman]

I agree with that, I was just stating that I thought there was a particular incident that caused Franks hesitation at the "gym" specifically.

 

[Frank2500]

Re:

That was some good insight, folks. I never thought about things that way, so it's always helpful to see other people's perspectives. The only negative experience that I had so far with a woman at my gym was the one who got up from her seat when she was working out and proceeded to yell in my face when I was trying to make my move. I stood up to her and told her I wasn't going to tolerate such disrespect from her and she suddenly became so humble and left. Other than that, things in general haven't really worked out with the women I have met at my gym for the most part, in terms of reciprocity of attraction and interest. And I have learned from my mistakes. I guess my main problem with the gym environment is that I hate to be in a situation where you try to talk to a woman (especially those with headphones) and everyone in there sees what's going on and she either refuses to take off her headphones to give you a chance to speak to her or gets up from her seat and walks away for attention purposes. Not that I'm scared or bothered by rejection, but you just never know what could happen with some of these women.

 

[jophil28]

.. Not that I'm scared or bothered by rejection, but you just never know what could happen with some of these women.

Frank, you are TERRIFIED of rejection - that is why you are analysing this gym thing to death. You are trying to understand how to "act" in minute detail,in order that you are NOT rejected.
Men who have little fear of rejection just act and approach - agonising will always provide you with "reasons" why you should NOT approach (to keep you safe from rejection)
This gym thing is getting old Frank - how about B & N instead. You are a 'head' person - go read some books.