Dilemma regarding cold approaches vs. girls you know

[orly]

The usual disclaimer: I'm an AFC, and a virgin one who's never had a girlfriend at age 27 at that.

This is my "variety" of approach anxiety. In one sentence, I think it's an issue of the balance of fear/anxiety vs. how much I'm attracted to a girl.

The problem with most cold approach scenarios is that I don't find myself attracted enough to complete stranger girls to overcome fear. Most of the time, looks alone isn't enough to spur me forward. In the few cases where looks enough is enough, the girl in question already has someone.

Which leads to girls I know. I've made some attempts, and they all ended badly. As in, catastrophically bad, totally ruining existing social dynamics, messing up my mind, etc. Which has lead me to be very wary of "warm approaches".

But it seems I need to get to know a girl to a certain degree first before the balance of fear vs. attraction swings towards attraction.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I posted this awhile back, it might help:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=144879

Most girls DO date guys in their social circles, or that are "friends of friends." If you can get "pre-approval" from a girl's friends, it will make your job MUCH easier. A woman will often go out of her way to disqualify a guy that approaches her at a bar, but if it was a friend of one of her friends, you can bet she'll let her guard down a bit.

The easiest way to increase your options is to aim to expand your social circle in a variety of directions. Start fishing with a net instead of a pole.

 

[scribblec]

I posted this awhile back, it might help:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=144879

Most girls DO date guys in their social circles, or that are "friends of friends." If you can get "pre-approval" from a girl's friends, it will make your job MUCH easier. A woman will often go out of her way to disqualify a guy that approaches her at a bar, but if it was a friend of one of her friends, you can bet she'll let her guard down a bit.

The easiest way to increase your options is to aim to expand your social circle in a variety of directions. Start fishing with a net instead of a pole.

sound advice, what happens though when you **** up the chance u had

basically we went raving with my friends and her friends and i was grindin all night but wasnt escalating, which i think put her off, so i thought **** this and went to find next girls to dance with, but the afc in me now wants this chick more cos she wasnt easy.

so i just deleted all ways of contact and now waiting to see what happens, im sure our paths will cross again cos her friends going out with my friend and ****, but who knows, also apperently i was getting into lots of arguments that night with random guys, i probably did but i couldnt give a **** i wasnt gonna let no mug try push me around, could that have been a bad point?

 

[The Texas Tornado]

The usual disclaimer: I'm an AFC, and a virgin one who's never had a girlfriend at age 27 at that.

This is my "variety" of approach anxiety. In one sentence, I think it's an issue of the balance of fear/anxiety vs. how much I'm attracted to a girl.

The problem with most cold approach scenarios is that I don't find myself attracted enough to complete stranger girls to overcome fear. Most of the time, looks alone isn't enough to spur me forward. In the few cases where looks enough is enough, the girl in question already has someone.

Which leads to girls I know. I've made some attempts, and they all ended badly. As in, catastrophically bad, totally ruining existing social dynamics, messing up my mind, etc. Which has lead me to be very wary of "warm approaches".

But it seems I need to get to know a girl to a certain degree first before the balance of fear vs. attraction swings towards attraction.

Hey man. You don't have some "unique breed" of approach anxiety. The only thing unique is your rationalization for it. Approach anxiety is largely a physical feeling that you get. There is a mental aspect too but you need to push yourself in field to really get over approach anxiety. No amount of reading, posting, rationalizing, or positive thinking will make an inch of progress in getting rid of AA unless you're in field. Honestly if you would fvck her then approach. If you are 27 years old and haven't been with a girl then you should not have such high standards that none of the girls you see during the day are worthy of approach. It is all rationalization and it is just the fear of approach that is holding you back. Nothing anyone here can tell you will really help though, you need to get in the field and start approaching.