"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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dilema with girlfriend because of porn

flyinshark

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A few nights ago i went clubbing with my girlfriend and we got drunk. On our way back, still drunk, she was in a horny mood and told me that once we get home she would like to watch porn from my own collection with me.

That made me become defensive, because i have never shown her nor talked with her about the kind of porn i like. As many men, i have my own kinda weird fantasies, and i own a collection of porn reflecting that. For the record, i like bondage, rape simulations and shyt like that. To some of you that may sound creepy or sick, but hey, that stuff turns me on and it's just the way it is.

So there i was, in a sucky situation...I told her that she may be shocked to see the kind of porn i like, so maybe we should forget about it. She became very emotional, telling me that she feels like i am hiding stuff from her. She said that she thought that we could share everything and she is hurt that i keep secrets from her. I said that it is none of her business to see my porn, as that belongs to me and contains my fantasies, and fantasies are usually personal, until the person feels ready to share them with someone else.

I gradually moved to other topics and she kinda forgot about it by the time we were home. We slept together and all was great. She hasn't brought it up again till now, but i think she might bring it up again in the future.

What are your thoughts about all this? What would u guys do in this situation? Would you tell her what the porn is about? Show her? Or keep insisting that it is none of her business?

It's a very delicate situation for me and i just don't know how to handle it. Thanks a lot for any thoughts.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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kiz

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none of her business. if she feels you are hiding things from her it's because you are. do you have any "normal" more mainstream porn that you could watch with her though?
 

spider_007

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you over reacted bud.

you should have made fun of her for waning to see somthing "that nasty". You should have played a squicky clean guy who "doesn't do that kind of stuf";). And maybe on your way home should have picked up some of the "normal" stuff......

What ever you do, don't show her your colection..... she will likeley be turned off. She made a remark while drunk, and would most likeley not be into that kind of stuff.......

UNLESS SHE IS A FREAK, AND YOU KNOW IT.:D
 

flyinshark

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Originally posted by kiz
none of her business. if she feels you are hiding things from her it's because you are. do you have any "normal" more mainstream porn that you could watch with her though?
Yeah, i have a small collection of "normal" porn too:). Geez, that sounds funny for some reason. Anyhow, yeah, i have conventional stuff as well. Maybe i should have showed her that and shut up about my other, more extreme, tastes...then again i was drunk and i wanted to be honest.
 

flyinshark

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Originally posted by spider_007
you over reacted bud.

you should have made fun of her for waning to see somthing "that nasty". You should have played a squicky clean guy who "doesn't do that kind of stuf";). And maybe on your way home should have picked up some of the "normal" stuff......

What ever you do, don't show her your colection..... she will likeley be turned off. She made a remark while drunk, and would most likeley not be into that kind of stuff.......

UNLESS SHE IS A FREAK, AND YOU KNOW IT.:D
AAArgh...hehe. I dunno man. She says she likes it when i talk dirty to her. It turns her on a lot, she says. But from talking dirty to tying her to the bed and raping her there is a small stretch.

Actually, you just made me think...She may enjoy it, after all... We have fore played a bit in that sense before and she liked the idea of having her hands tied. Another time i very lightly "abused" her, by taking her clothes off a bit aggressively and touching/banging her while she was trying to resist, all in a playful manner.

So, maybe she would like this stuff done on her, yet she could be shocked to see it in my porn collection, u know? She may think that i am imagining those porn scenes while i am having sex with her, or think that she isn't good enough.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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MacAvoy

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Originally posted by flyinshark
Yeah, i have a small collection of "normal" porn too:). Geez, that sounds funny for some reason. Anyhow, yeah, i have conventional stuff as well. Maybe i should have showed her that and shut up about my other, more extreme, tastes...then again i was drunk and i wanted to be honest.
Thats what I was going to suggest, if you don't have any normal porn, get some, next time she's drunk, you can suggest that your willing to share that experience with her.

You should be freakin happy you got a women WANTING to watch porn w/ you.
 

JonJack

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Sometimes one has to be comfortable with and accept what he chooses to do. Hiding from the fact only shows others that you know what you're doing isn't exactly normal or right but yet you continue to do it and try your best to hide it from the world. If you truly believe it is nothing to be ashamed of, you should be able to convince your girl the same. If she leaves you because of who you are, then she isn't worth your time in the first place. Think about it.
 

SAYNO

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I agree with the posters above me

I would have showed her and if she didn't like it....oh well, next!


Sayno'
 

flyinshark

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Thanks guys for your replies. JonJack, your post makes a lot of sense and i think that should be the frame of mind i should be in. I already thought about not caring what others think of my tastes and not being scared to be open about them. You're right, if my gf leaves me after seeing my porn, then maybe she isn't the right one for me. I feel better now, and what used to feel like a dilemma isn't so awful a situation in my head now.

Thanks again guys, i feel better!
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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Good_ol_boy

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Could have been worse, could have been male gay porn. Anything else, don't sweat it. If she doesn't like too bad.
 

flexion_

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I like the idea of just showing her some mainstream porn.
 

Soprano

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download some normal porn as a front ;) hide your real porn in the deep dark depths of the "tax stuff" folder
 

JonJack

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Again I stress on being at peace with what you choose to do. It says a lot about one's character and confidence.

Hiding? That's for the wusses.

If she decides to dump you because she's afraid you'll become like one of 'those' guys in the video, then she's a real dumb ass. Some of you might be able to settle for that, and I'll advise you to only settle for her for a fling.
 
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