"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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dilema with girlfriend because of porn

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flyinshark

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A few nights ago i went clubbing with my girlfriend and we got drunk. On our way back, still drunk, she was in a horny mood and told me that once we get home she would like to watch porn from my own collection with me.

That made me become defensive, because i have never shown her nor talked with her about the kind of porn i like. As many men, i have my own kinda weird fantasies, and i own a collection of porn reflecting that. For the record, i like bondage, rape simulations and shyt like that. To some of you that may sound creepy or sick, but hey, that stuff turns me on and it's just the way it is.

So there i was, in a sucky situation...I told her that she may be shocked to see the kind of porn i like, so maybe we should forget about it. She became very emotional, telling me that she feels like i am hiding stuff from her. She said that she thought that we could share everything and she is hurt that i keep secrets from her. I said that it is none of her business to see my porn, as that belongs to me and contains my fantasies, and fantasies are usually personal, until the person feels ready to share them with someone else.

I gradually moved to other topics and she kinda forgot about it by the time we were home. We slept together and all was great. She hasn't brought it up again till now, but i think she might bring it up again in the future.

What are your thoughts about all this? What would u guys do in this situation? Would you tell her what the porn is about? Show her? Or keep insisting that it is none of her business?

It's a very delicate situation for me and i just don't know how to handle it. Thanks a lot for any thoughts.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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kiz

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none of her business. if she feels you are hiding things from her it's because you are. do you have any "normal" more mainstream porn that you could watch with her though?
 
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spider_007

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you over reacted bud.

you should have made fun of her for waning to see somthing "that nasty". You should have played a squicky clean guy who "doesn't do that kind of stuf";). And maybe on your way home should have picked up some of the "normal" stuff......

What ever you do, don't show her your colection..... she will likeley be turned off. She made a remark while drunk, and would most likeley not be into that kind of stuff.......

UNLESS SHE IS A FREAK, AND YOU KNOW IT.:D
 
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flyinshark

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Originally posted by kiz
none of her business. if she feels you are hiding things from her it's because you are. do you have any "normal" more mainstream porn that you could watch with her though?
Click to expand...
Yeah, i have a small collection of "normal" porn too:). Geez, that sounds funny for some reason. Anyhow, yeah, i have conventional stuff as well. Maybe i should have showed her that and shut up about my other, more extreme, tastes...then again i was drunk and i wanted to be honest.
 
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flyinshark

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Originally posted by spider_007
you over reacted bud.

you should have made fun of her for waning to see somthing "that nasty". You should have played a squicky clean guy who "doesn't do that kind of stuf";). And maybe on your way home should have picked up some of the "normal" stuff......

What ever you do, don't show her your colection..... she will likeley be turned off. She made a remark while drunk, and would most likeley not be into that kind of stuff.......

UNLESS SHE IS A FREAK, AND YOU KNOW IT.:D
Click to expand...
AAArgh...hehe. I dunno man. She says she likes it when i talk dirty to her. It turns her on a lot, she says. But from talking dirty to tying her to the bed and raping her there is a small stretch.

Actually, you just made me think...She may enjoy it, after all... We have fore played a bit in that sense before and she liked the idea of having her hands tied. Another time i very lightly "abused" her, by taking her clothes off a bit aggressively and touching/banging her while she was trying to resist, all in a playful manner.

So, maybe she would like this stuff done on her, yet she could be shocked to see it in my porn collection, u know? She may think that i am imagining those porn scenes while i am having sex with her, or think that she isn't good enough.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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MacAvoy

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Originally posted by flyinshark
Yeah, i have a small collection of "normal" porn too:). Geez, that sounds funny for some reason. Anyhow, yeah, i have conventional stuff as well. Maybe i should have showed her that and shut up about my other, more extreme, tastes...then again i was drunk and i wanted to be honest.
Click to expand...
Thats what I was going to suggest, if you don't have any normal porn, get some, next time she's drunk, you can suggest that your willing to share that experience with her.

You should be freakin happy you got a women WANTING to watch porn w/ you.
 
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JonJack

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Sometimes one has to be comfortable with and accept what he chooses to do. Hiding from the fact only shows others that you know what you're doing isn't exactly normal or right but yet you continue to do it and try your best to hide it from the world. If you truly believe it is nothing to be ashamed of, you should be able to convince your girl the same. If she leaves you because of who you are, then she isn't worth your time in the first place. Think about it.
 
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SAYNO

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I agree with the posters above me

I would have showed her and if she didn't like it....oh well, next!


Sayno'
 
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flyinshark

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Thanks guys for your replies. JonJack, your post makes a lot of sense and i think that should be the frame of mind i should be in. I already thought about not caring what others think of my tastes and not being scared to be open about them. You're right, if my gf leaves me after seeing my porn, then maybe she isn't the right one for me. I feel better now, and what used to feel like a dilemma isn't so awful a situation in my head now.

Thanks again guys, i feel better!
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Good_ol_boy

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Could have been worse, could have been male gay porn. Anything else, don't sweat it. If she doesn't like too bad.
 
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flexion_

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I like the idea of just showing her some mainstream porn.
 
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Soprano

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download some normal porn as a front ;) hide your real porn in the deep dark depths of the "tax stuff" folder
 
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JonJack

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Again I stress on being at peace with what you choose to do. It says a lot about one's character and confidence.

Hiding? That's for the wusses.

If she decides to dump you because she's afraid you'll become like one of 'those' guys in the video, then she's a real dumb ass. Some of you might be able to settle for that, and I'll advise you to only settle for her for a fling.
 
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