Difficult Situation

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

So this week has been stressful. Probably since I went to homecoming with a girl, from a different school... and whom me and her had a "thing" for each other nonstop beginning May 2005, *3 weeks ago* and we never talked since then, mainly because she never returns calls. Subconsciencely I'm probably thinking of her or things that keep reminding me of her during school... or just pretty much sleeping.

I never really think about me and her from summer. But today was the first time she really came to my mind. I was on my bed... I just woke up, and I seriously was like about to tear in the eye... cause I missed her... and wanted her to know it--instead of acting like I was okay with everything.

I already know she's going to college out of state (this summer) and is highly devoted to her school related things. I'm doing poorly in school, I have no motivation, but to see her (until we stopped talking). I don't graduate this year since I'm only a 10th grader, and she's, as I said, is graduating this year.

She is the only girl who I came close to having a relationship with, whom I actually liked so much, but many times with her... I screwed up... badly. And during homecoming, things got really good between us, me being pathetic, I actually got my first hug from her, even though she always said she wanted one from me. I wanted to have the first real kiss... but never did it. Weeks before we kissed/pecked only... only because a game of spin the bottle, but never on our own, and never again after. After homecoming not much happened, we wanted to hang out right after the dance, but she had to go home according to my parent, we have't spoke since then, I gave up on trying to talk to her after two weeks. She never returned my phone calls or my online-IMs (I called probably like two times since homecoming, and left like 3 messages to her screen name).

I was telling a guy-friend of mine all of this about 3 days ago (I talk to him about everything, mainly girls, mainly THIS girl). I remember he said something that slapped me into reality was: "I think you are in love. I seriously do." We usually joke around with him about "awww are you in love?"... but I could tell he was serious this time.

All of the things above is a detailed version of what I was telling my other friend friend online. All he could say was: "Call her up. You don't even know how she feels."

With all of this background, should I:

Call her
Give up (I won't listen to you if you say this... most of the HS forum members say to give up pretty much on everything I noticed... I'm only going to give up until its a definate 'no')
Remain attached with no contact until she says something (which she has done before)
Or what?!

Just give me some advice, not put-downs. I'm not looking for the usual High School Forum put-downs this time. I'll try doing the advice that looks right, and I'll update it here if I ever speak to her again in the same tone as we used to, and if anything happens between me and her.

 

[SynapsyS]

You're not going to like what I'm about to write my friend.

Reading that, I can at least sympathise with you. Having a girl go "quiet over the airwaves" can be pretty damn frustrating. It's happening to me right now, but I'm not worried because I don't actually want to talk to her anyway (I'm going to break up with her if she contacts me, i'm such a mean bastard ).

If she hasn't returned your calls for 3 weeks, then something is up. There are an infinite number of possibilities, some more logical than others. For all you know, she could be dead.

The problems here are:

- Her age. From what I can guess, she's...2 years older than you? Dating girls my own age is hard enough, but older girls are even harder to keep.

- You are infatuated by her. Love is a strong word, and isn't justified if you just went to home coming with her (or if you haven't been going out for more than a couple of months). Of course, i'm talking about actual love, not just using it affectionately.

As I said from the beginning, you're not going to like what i'm about to say.

Drop it. Move on. Honestly, unless she's in hospital or something, there is no conceivable reason why she couldn't contact you for 3 weeks. You know i'm right. You know, deep down, that what I'm saying is truth.

She's just not into you any more man. Don't worry, it happens, a lot, the best thing to do is learn from your mistakes and move on.

Sorry.
Syn.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

I like your reply. Would it be a waste to actually call once more?

Honestly, I only called her the week after homecoming, and messaged her that same week I called her, not the two weeks after I stopped calling (if you follow that and understand). Besides we were big on talking online and never on the phone unless we were planning something. We pretty much stopped talking on the phone and internet because I was always shy around her since I never could say anything (since we said everything on the phone/online).

Sounds like I'm making an excuse to hold on tight, ya know?... But I'm not.

I'm only thinking this is the last time to try. If you think this makes sense, I'm going to make sure it's definate YES or definate NO with her now -- instead of stalling as if I had to wait for her to jump down her pedastal to be with me.

*Going to bed, have school tomorrow... feedback in the morning is much obliged )

 

[SynapsyS]

So, what you're saying is, you contacted her, and it's been 2 weeks with no reply?

Ok, then I stand by what I said.

I understand your need for closure. However, you have to let go before you can go for closure. Because that's what it is, a definate end. If you're still wanting to get back with her, and you attempt to find out how she's feeling, it'll only end bad. Bad being, an AFC style "break-up"

So,

Step One - Accept that the relationship is over.

Step Two - Call her up, and ask straight out whether she still has feelings for you or not.

Step Three - UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU ACCEPT HER BACK INTO YOUR LIFE AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. She may reply that she's just been busy, but still wants to date you. This is more than likely a lie. She's realised she can string you along for a bit longer. And even if she is telling the truth, what does it matter? You effectively end it then on your terms. If she does still want to be with you, after such a hiatus, then tell her that you still value her friendship, but that you're sick of being messed around. At least that way, if you want to get with her friends, you've got a chance, because you showed respect.

I hope that made sense. If not, post.

Syn.

 

[LikRetsam]

Standard case of oneitis.

If this chick wanted to see you again, a) she'd return calls/messages.
b) She'd try to contact you and get together.

However, she has done neither, I therefore conclude that you are not on her mind.

When members say next, it doesnt mean give up and try your luck elsewhere. They mean you fukked up and now you're done.

So in the great words of sosuave,

NEXT!

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

Got it, she has a few of my shirts she borrowed and a track jacket of mine... gahhh, I don't want to sound like an a-hole and be like... "Can I have my stuff back now (only because we aren't talking anymore)?" What to do?