Different girls... some like players, other don't.

[danielzxc]

Are you for real man? You actually answer questions like that? Lol.

I'm all for being a bit mysterious, but there are FAR more artful ways of doing it than "it's a 4 door"... "green". That sounds so incredibly lame I can't believe it made the "bible".

Also, you can't just apply the same formula to EVERY girl. Girls, just like guys, are DIFFERENT. If you've got some quiet chick, who finds it hard to talk to guys anyway, and you break out in stupid conversational "games", you're much more likely to PUT HER OFF than to INTRIGUE her. But if it's some "bubbly" type of girl, who does a lot of talking, then you can "game" the conversation more, because clearly she is better equipped to handle that sort of thing.

It takes a bit of practise reading people, but it's not THAT hard. Quiet types are usually pretty quiet right from the beginning, and talkative types are usually pretty chatty straight away, so it's not difficult to tell them apart. One bit of advice I would give is that "icy" or "bytchy" girls sometimes seem "quiet", but if you get them to open up a bit, they often be quite talkative, so don't make the mistake of treating them the same way you would a REAL "quiet girl".

 

[Babnik]

Are you for real man? You actually answer questions like that? Lol.

I'm all for being a bit mysterious, but there are FAR more artful ways of doing it than "it's a 4 door"... "green". That sounds so incredibly lame I can't believe it made the "bible".

Also, you can't just apply the same formula to EVERY girl. Girls, just like guys, are DIFFERENT. If you've got some quiet chick, who finds it hard to talk to guys anyway, and you break out in stupid conversational "games", you're much more likely to PUT HER OFF than to INTRIGUE her. But if it's some "bubbly" type of girl, who does a lot of talking, then you can "game" the conversation more, because clearly she is better equipped to handle that sort of thing.

It takes a bit of practise reading people, but it's not THAT hard. Quiet types are usually pretty quiet right from the beginning, and talkative types are usually pretty chatty straight away, so it's not difficult to tell them apart. One bit of advice I would give is that "icy" or "bytchy" girls sometimes seem "quiet", but if you get them to open up a bit, they often be quite talkative, so don't make the mistake of treating them the same way you would a REAL "quiet girl".

And if you don't notice her and she comes to you and starts asking YOU question and act interested?

How can you tell from the very very beginning what she is like and what will make her more interested?

It takes very little to put a girl off...

 

[danielzxc]

And if you don't notice her and she comes to you and starts asking YOU question and act interested?

Well, what about it? That is obviously a VERY GOOD THING.

How can you tell from the very very beginning what she is like and what will make her more interested?

Well, if she comes up to YOU, then obviously she's not exactly shy... so you can express yourself a bit more freely.

I didn't say you can know EVERYTHING about her, though, so there's no standard answer to what would make her more interested. Typically, it's the kind of things that this site recommends. Being mysterious and interesting, not coming off as a wussy, etc. But this means you still need to TALK to her. Not just 'hang back', hoping that she just keeps asking you questions. To me, that is an extremely unlikely formula for success. You can still be mysterious and talk a lot, too. The trick is not divulge too much information about yourself. Things like where are you from, it's okay to answer them. It's about stuff when she trys to pry too far into your character and your values and your 'hopes and dreams' that it's better to play it more aloof. That's easy though, because almost every understands that THOSE topics are not something you discuss with someone you just met. At the same time, just respond with your OWN questions. Obviously if you are asking HER questions it means that you can't be talking about yourself at the same time. So put it on to her. Then you can have a great conversation, that makes you sound interesting, and you can stay "mysterious" at the same time.

It takes very little to put a girl off...

If a girl comes up to YOU, you would really have to say pretty stupid shyt to get her to lose interest in only a few minutes.

 

[Babnik]

Well, what about it? That is obviously a VERY GOOD THING.



Well, if she comes up to YOU, then obviously she's not exactly shy... so you can express yourself a bit more freely.

I didn't say you can know EVERYTHING about her, though, so there's no standard answer to what would make her more interested. Typically, it's the kind of things that this site recommends. Being mysterious and interesting, not coming off as a wussy, etc. But this means you still need to TALK to her. Not just 'hang back', hoping that she just keeps asking you questions. To me, that is an extremely unlikely formula for success. You can still be mysterious and talk a lot, too. The trick is not divulge too much information about yourself. Things like where are you from, it's okay to answer them. It's about stuff when she trys to pry too far into your character and your values and your 'hopes and dreams' that it's better to play it more aloof. That's easy though, because almost every understands that THOSE topics are not something you discuss with someone you just met. At the same time, just respond with your OWN questions. Obviously if you are asking HER questions it means that you can't be talking about yourself at the same time. So put it on to her. Then you can have a great conversation, that makes you sound interesting, and you can stay "mysterious" at the same time.



If a girl comes up to YOU, you would really have to say pretty stupid shyt to get her to lose interest in only a few minutes.

Its hard for me to draw the line of what the other person should know and shouldn't know about me.

I guess if I see her interested and she goes too deep I can say "I'll tell you... if you on a date with me"

 

[danielzxc]

I guess if I see her interested and she goes too deep I can say "I'll tell you... if you on a date with me"

Well....try to phrase it a little differently.

For example, "Well...now that's a pretty deep question... I'll tell you over a coffee sometime..."

 

[theposter]

I have a story kind of related to this. I picked up a gf about 5 months ago by using the typical techniques, teasing and so on. The thing is, she gets that from lots of men in her life, from what I hear, but for some reason she chose me even though we live pretty far apart. Despite the separation I can tell she has a high interest level due to a couple things. I'm the first person she im's when she signs on, she texts me all the time, and is constantly bringing up ideas for what we'll do together when we see eachother soon. She also had a steady relationship of 4 years just two years prior to her getting to know me (we were aquantences before, but not really friends), which indicates to me that she's the kinid of woman who will stick with a guy.

Anyways, before we actually started doing thinigs together 5 months ago, we had talked online for well over a year. We just talked about politics , life, and general chit chat. I wasn't showing any signs of interest in her, although looking back she definitely was to me. What I think was happening is she was learning to trust me, and realized that I was a "nice guy" who wouldn't hurt her emotionally. She never talked about her relationships, but I did ask her once and she told me that most guys don't give her enough attention and she gets bored with them. She must think I'm not one of those guys, because she's put off dating for the past 5 months while I live 1000 miles away.

All is fine in the relationship and I'm confident I can hold her interest at least through the summer, but I have always wondered what exactly it is that she likes about me. I have been pretty AFC with her in the past, but I do try and send her mixed signals, especially through some pretty risky negative hits. I've called her fat, said she's clingy, criticized her for not getting a good job, and said I wanted to **** her roommate. She relishes it and asks for more. I also have promised to send gifts and do other romantic things, and haven't once followed through. Somehow this is overpowering my wussy side which I made the mistake of showing her. I have *****ed to her about being broke (I have no summer job lined up, and will most likely be making mininum wage somewhere because I procrastinated and don't have any connections), told her I have few friends (also true, because I am still pretty introverted), and actually have made fun of myself numerous times. Since that didn't turn her off, do you think maybe she has self-esteem issues and still feels that I am superior to her? Her parents are loving and she has always been popular at school, and not just for her looks (she got an 8.5 on hotornot when I convinced her to put up a photo, I got a 6.5 btw). Does she feel sorry for me? Am I a project for her to work on?

 

[Babnik]

Well....try to phrase it a little differently.

For example, "Well...now that's a pretty deep question... I'll tell you over a coffee sometime..."

Horrible. In college dude, this will be taken as a friends thing.

I see boys and girls in college in coffee shops all the time and those are SO not dates.

The problem is that you have to be BOLD and make sure she understands its a DATE and not just a coffee thing. Girls and guys in college hang out just as friends or fun all the time, so the idea is for to get it straight you want to hit it.
Often people are interested in you, very interested, because you have similar interests but they have no intention of hooking up with you.

So, the bottom line is to go on DATES and not waste time on just friends thing.

I had this happen to me once. I wasted 3 hours on a "date" and we flirted but it wasn't even a date!

 

[Raikojo17]

Badnik, good to see you're back.

but bro, sorry to say that it doesnt look like you've improved much...

first, you're over thinking all of these stupid things way too much.
no girl really LIKES a player. girls are only more drawn to players because they are able to charm and make them comfortable and feel special better than other guys can. they are drawn to that, not the fact that a guy is a player.
im willing to bet that if you walked up to a random chick and told her that you were a player that she wouldnt jump on your nuts. players use girls. who likes to be used? no one.

second, you seem to think that being nice to a bad thing. again, that's the entire case. Being nice is not a bad thing, it's a good thing. who would u be more drawn too? a nice person who enjoys your convo, or a stuck up bastard who acts like they wish u weren't there?

being nice is a positive quality. when you respect people and make them feel good when they are around you, they will naturaly want to be with you more.

I think you're getting nice and chumpish mixed up. when you are chumpish you do things for the girl just so she can like you. chumps suck up to her. chumps treat her like she is the love of their life. chumps come on too strong.

there's nothing wrong with telling a girl where you live outright. all these beating around the bush games make really no since. if she asks about you, then tell her. nothing wrong with being a bit mysterious, but you dont wanna come off as a total stranger.

this middle ground you're talking about is nothing more than being a nice good person, but also not being a pushover. simple as that.

also, if a girl is put off by flirting, than it's not flirting. flirting builds attraction and should never put anyone off. if it does then you're doing something wrong.

 

[Babnik]

Badnik, good to see you're back.

but bro, sorry to say that it doesnt look like you've improved much...

first, you're over thinking all of these stupid things way too much.
no girl really LIKES a player. girls are only more drawn to players because they are able to charm and make them comfortable and feel special better than other guys can. they are drawn to that, not the fact that a guy is a player.
im willing to bet that if you walked up to a random chick and told her that you were a player that she wouldnt jump on your nuts. players use girls. who likes to be used? no one.

second, you seem to think that being nice to a bad thing. again, that's the entire case. Being nice is not a bad thing, it's a good thing. who would u be more drawn too? a nice person who enjoys your convo, or a stuck up bastard who acts like they wish u weren't there?

being nice is a positive quality. when you respect people and make them feel good when they are around you, they will naturaly want to be with you more.

I think you're getting nice and chumpish mixed up. when you are chumpish you do things for the girl just so she can like you. chumps suck up to her. chumps treat her like she is the love of their life. chumps come on too strong.

there's nothing wrong with telling a girl where you live outright. all these beating around the bush games make really no since. if she asks about you, then tell her. nothing wrong with being a bit mysterious, but you dont wanna come off as a total stranger.

this middle ground you're talking about is nothing more than being a nice good person, but also not being a pushover. simple as that.

also, if a girl is put off by flirting, than it's not flirting. flirting builds attraction and should never put anyone off. if it does then you're doing something wrong.

But coming from personal experience, when I ask a girl question and being a **** to her in regards to answering her questions about me (not giving her full answer, not giving her what she wants) then they just have this "Oh...who's this guy? I want to know him better!" attitude. As soon as I give them a bit of myself, I become "Oh...its this guy. He from there and does this. Lets find another guy"

As soon as a chick knows things about me - I am no longer interesting.

In some lays I got, the girl had no idea who I was whatsoever. I just kept being interested in her and if she asked me, I would give her "oh, its not important. So, why did you decide to join this bla bla?"

Heck I used to work in an office for student affairs and I had girls behind my back SAY it "Oh, he is so mysterious" and they would give me the flirty eye and smile. As soon as I start a small conversation and opened up - THE END.

And even at the end of 1st dates, girls would often playfully slap my arm and say "I didn't learn anything about you! Its unfair!" so i would say "Looks like you got yourself a second date then!"

Maybe I don't want to open up because I am different. I find no similarities with people around me due to cultural differences. I have completely different interests. So, girls often find out we are on 2 different paths and that turns them off. I am not gonna suck up and say "Oh I love dogs too" when I like cats. Thats definitely a big issue... they often look for someone with similar interests or someone who is like them. I am not. I never will be.

 

[persiangino]

All HOT women LOVE players (ie psychopaths)

hahahaha

 

[danielzxc]

Horrible. In college dude, this will be taken as a friends thing.

I see boys and girls in college in coffee shops all the time and those are SO not dates.

The problem is that you have to be BOLD and make sure she understands its a DATE and not just a coffee thing. Girls and guys in college hang out just as friends or fun all the time, so the idea is for to get it straight you want to hit it.
Often people are interested in you, very interested, because you have similar interests but they have no intention of hooking up with you.

So, the bottom line is to go on DATES and not waste time on just friends thing.

I had this happen to me once. I wasted 3 hours on a "date" and we flirted but it wasn't even a date!

Dude, i AM in college, let's get that straight.

Now, I, personally, wouldn't use that line AT ALL. I just think it's an improvement over your "I'll tell you... if you go on a date with me". I like my line better, but really, I don't like this approach at all. It's kinda like trying to "trick" her into going out with you.

What you need to understand about "friends" is that it's not always terrible to do "friend" things with a girl. Friends AND lovers BOTH have coffees together. You can't say it's ONLY a friends thing. But even if something IS much more a friends thing than a lovers thing, it doesn't mean she's gonna LBJF you STRAIGHT AWAY. Geez. It's when you are NOTHING BUT a "friendly" chump, who doesn't light a spark in her at all, that she gets rid of you with lbjf.

Anyway, if YOU have all the answers, then why fkk bother asking us questions man? It's like you ask something, then everything that people answer to you is "horrible". Wtf??

Remember dude, YOU started this thread. Apparently, your aloof approach was putting off the "nice girls". Well, the answer is simple then -- stop being so fkking aloof. "Oh, but being aloof gets me lays!!" you say. Then fkking choose what you want man! You want lays with slvts, who like your "mysteriousness", or you want make a better impression on these supposed "good girls"? It's up to you. Like I said to you, if she's quiet and shy (most likely "good"), then try being more open. If that's too hard for you, then fkk, what can anyone do or say to you?

 

[Babnik]

Dude, i AM in college, let's get that straight.

Now, I, personally, wouldn't use that line AT ALL. I just think it's an improvement over your "I'll tell you... if you go on a date with me". I like my line better, but really, I don't like this approach at all. It's kinda like trying to "trick" her into going out with you.

What you need to understand about "friends" is that it's not always terrible to do "friend" things with a girl. Friends AND lovers BOTH have coffees together. You can't say it's ONLY a friends thing. But even if something IS much more a friends thing than a lovers thing, it doesn't mean she's gonna LBJF you STRAIGHT AWAY. Geez. It's when you are NOTHING BUT a "friendly" chump, who doesn't light a spark in her at all, that she gets rid of you with lbjf.

Anyway, if YOU have all the answers, then why fkk bother asking us questions man? It's like you ask something, then everything that people answer to you is "horrible". Wtf??

Remember dude, YOU started this thread. Apparently, your aloof approach was putting off the "nice girls". Well, the answer is simple then -- stop being so fkking aloof. "Oh, but being aloof gets me lays!!" you say. Then fkking choose what you want man! You want lays with slvts, who like your "mysteriousness", or you want make a better impression on these supposed "good girls"? It's up to you. Like I said to you, if she's quiet and shy (most likely "good"), then try being more open. If that's too hard for you, then fkk, what can anyone do or say to you?

Well, I don't like being a wuss who goes round and around asking a girl on a date.

I just need more ways of making sure she knows its a date or that I am sexually interested. Going around and asking to hang out often comes off as wussy..

 

[Wyldfire]

theposter...the reason you've held her attention is because the two of you have built an emotional attachment online...a real friendship. If you can overcome the distance you could actually probably have a very successful and healthy relationship with each other. This site is SO WRONG about the whole "AFC" thing. It's not being nice, attentive, romantic or getting attached to a woman that drives them away. It's being too clingy and needy or being an ass, pushing the woman away or treating her badly. Good women never stay with jerks and they never stay with men who suffocate them and act too needy. The best balance is to be yourself without being an ass or needy. I'm extremely picky when it comes to men and am very hard to hold onto. The men who have succeeded to gain my devotion, love and loyalty and who I will forever hold in the highest of regard were NEVER jerks and NEVER too clingy/needy. They treated me good and consistently exhibited many "AFC" traits minus the jealousy, clinging, insecurity and neediness. What you are doing works, obviously...and most likely will continue to as long as you don't become so insecure it leads to the behaviors I mentioned that always turns women off.

 

[Babnik]

theposter...the reason you've held her attention is because the two of you have built an emotional attachment online...a real friendship. If you can overcome the distance you could actually probably have a very successful and healthy relationship with each other. This site is SO WRONG about the whole "AFC" thing. It's not being nice, attentive, romantic or getting attached to a woman that drives them away. It's being too clingy and needy or being an ass, pushing the woman away or treating her badly. Good women never stay with jerks and they never stay with men who suffocate them and act too needy. The best balance is to be yourself without being an ass or needy. I'm extremely picky when it comes to men and am very hard to hold onto. The men who have succeeded to gain my devotion, love and loyalty and who I will forever hold in the highest of regard were NEVER jerks and NEVER too clingy/needy. They treated me good and consistently exhibited many "AFC" traits minus the jealousy, clinging, insecurity and neediness. What you are doing works, obviously...and most likely will continue to as long as you don't become so insecure it leads to the behaviors I mentioned that always turns women off.

Isn't an emotional online friendship simply a platonic relationship without sexual desires?

See, it would be great if you could go from friend to lover, but for most women it won't work. These days girls are very sexual and they literally have to be WET for the guy to be his GF or lover. If its emotional then its just friends...

 

[Wyldfire]

Isn't an emotional online friendship simply a platonic relationship without sexual desires?

See, it would be great if you could go from friend to lover, but for most women it won't work. These days girls are very sexual and they literally have to be WET for the guy to be his GF or lover. If its emotional then its just friends...

You can go from friend to romantic relationship and it actually makes for the best relationships. The prerequisite is that both people are physically attracted to each other and are compatible. You also have to be honest about the attraction right from the get go and not act asexual around her. The mistake many guys make is forming friendships with women with the expectation of it eventually becoming more without testing the attraction dynamic first.

I've loved two men deeply in my life...the last one was my best friend who lived 3000 miles away from me. We were best friends for over 6 years and first met online. We grew very close and loved each other very much. Sadly, he passed away last August. We weren't able to overcome the distance and an issue he had before he passed away...but if we could have overcome those things, he is the only man I would ever even consider marrying. We were always attracted to each other, though...and neither one of us ever hid that...so there were always romantic overtones the entire 6 years.

 

[Babnik]

You can go from friend to romantic relationship and it actually makes for the best relationships. The prerequisite is that both people are physically attracted to each other and are compatible. You also have to be honest about the attraction right from the get go and not act asexual around her. The mistake many guys make is forming friendships with women with the expectation of it eventually becoming more without testing the attraction dynamic first.

I've loved two men deeply in my life...the last one was my best friend who lived 3000 miles away from me. We were best friends for over 6 years and first met online. We grew very close and loved each other very much. Sadly, he passed away last August. We weren't able to overcome the distance and an issue he had before he passed away...but if we could have overcome those things, he is the only man I would ever even consider marrying. We were always attracted to each other, though...and neither one of us ever hid that...so thereI were always romantic overtones the entire 6 years.

I guess by attraction dynamic you mean flirting?

But if you do that from the beginning and the other person responds then its no longer friendship.

See, friendship is when you are just friends... no feelings, no desires, BUT they can appear later.

Sorry for your loss.

I personally burned a couple times by not making a move from the beginning while the girl wanted me and that was the end. How could such thing happen in a friendship? It would take a long time for both of you to get to know each other, to explore each other feelings' BEFORE you make a move.

It means you could be friends for 5 months, no sexual advances, and then date.

And yet girls quickly flake if the guy doesn't make a move on at least 2nd date.