Difference between relationship game and gaming a girl for sex?

[rhcp83]

I seem to have no problem when I meet a girl I'm attracted to and actually click with. It's natural. You're talking to her because you like her and you have a rapport with her.

Where I have difficulty is when I see women that I probably would just want for sex...approaching them...and even if I do approaching them, gaming them properly and putting myself in scoring position so to speak.

My eventual goal is an LTR anyway with a girl my type...but in the meantime, I want to lose my v-card. I've done "everything else" and am just really curious what the big deal about intercourse is that guys on this site for example would jump through hoops to get it. Part of me also, after having the fooling around/fondling etc would like some of that again also.

I'm just not sure how I can adapt the proper game. I'm a nerdy guy. Not nerdy like Screech or Urkel...but just awkward. When girls like me, they don't care and it doesn't bother them...but as you know, if you're looking for a hook-up or quick lay, that the whole nerd/awkward thing isn't conducive to getting laid to the type of woman that would put out quickly (and isn't fat or UG.)

I'm also not sure where I should be looking. Bars aren't my thing...been there, done that, and also can't even remember seeing a girl at the bar where it was like "I want to take her home." This whole "hot girls love to party" thing is overblown. UGs/fatties/averages love to party just as much if not more.

The good news is, I'm not setting any outrageous goals like getting laid within the month or something...I'm trying to get this done within the next few months or so...like let's say the spring or summer.

I'm just wondering 1.)How I can adapt game that suits my personality. 2.)Where I can go to meet the type of woman that would be a hook-up type...or gaming them with a sexual undertone so I don't just become one of those guys that she wants to go on a dinner date with.

 

[CuriousGirl]

What's the difference between nerdy and clever? Make that change? All girls like intelligence in men, not all girls like nerdiness.

In fact I would go as far to say it's not your nerdiness that's holding you back, it's helping you with girls you 'click' with, because I would guess you click with girls who are more intelligent and therefore appreciate your intelligence moreso (and obviously conversationally you are more suited). With less intelligent girls your intelligence is still attractive but she won't appreciate it as much because its something she'll find more difficult to engage with (really don't mean to sound offensive here!) and if you have nothing else to offer that suits her (if not other attributes then good game) then that's where she loses interest.

 

[rhcp83]

I think you're missing the point. I was just told by a girl on pof (the skanky kind I'd like to have non-emotional sex with) "you're not ugly, but I go for ripped muscular pretty boys." And she's at tops a 7, if that, has a kid, etc. .

I look "nice." I could have a goatee, different outfit, tattoos, have big muscles, but I'd still look like a "good person." (I work out fwiw but I do that for me. If I were doing it for results from women I would have quit long ago as I'm not getting any attention.)

The problem is that I'm not meeting any good/smart/pretty/relationship quality girls, the type that would like me back, etc., but I want to lose the v card and can't wait for the next time I meet one. I'd like to have unemotional sex with some skank or older woman, but they don't seem to want me or pay me any attention since I'm not hot or dangerous looking.

I'd much prefer just meeting someone good and having sex with her, but I can't wait.

 

[Mike32ct]

Good questions and good thread. As sort of a "nerd" myself, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. While some nerds have reasonably handsome faces and ok bodies, women generally don't consider us for casual s*x. At best, we might be the relationship guy MUCH later on. Ugh.

Even worse is when girls say, "I don't think of you in that (one night stand) kind of way." While nerds are not OVERTLY sexual, on the inside, we're just as horny as the bad boy. (I would argue that nerds can be more horny than the bad boy sometimes. This is why so many nerds are into porn. Of course nerds would prefer the real thing. The difficulty is getting the real thing.) We are not necessarily looking for a relationship. Sometimes, yes, nerds just want to get some quick action.

Plus, being intelligent can actually hurt you if you're JUST trying to get laid. You can overthink. You can be more socially awkward at times. I've been there.

I understand Curious Girl's point that intelligence can be attractive, and intelligent guys would do better with an intelligent woman. I agree there. You willl generally "click" better with an intelligent woman. I LOVE intelligent women. It's uber sexy. But here is the problem with intelligent women IME:

1. Some are too conservative, i.e. only want relationships, not a one night stand. Or MOST commonly #2.

2. If she does want casual s*x, it's NOT with another super intelligent (nerdy) guy. She wants the quickie with the bad boy, even if he is only average intelligence. For example, she is the medical student, and he is the bartender with tattoos and a motorcycle. (No offense to bartenders, just an example.)

3. Or she wants that super rare intelligent AND hot guy to have the fling with.

I don't have a specific answer to your problem. It's an ongoing dilemma for the nerdy guy. However, I will give a few tips that I learned along the way.

1. Stay away from bright colored clothing. Wear dark colors like black, gray, etc. If you are like me i.e. perceived as not that masculine/bad boy, you will look totally gay in light colors like pink. Wearing black will give a little bad boy appeal. It's not a silver bullet, but it definitely helps a bit for pulling ONS'.

2. Maybe grow a little stubble, i.e. 5 o'clock shadow for additional slight bad boy look.

2. Try older women. I don't mean ancient grannies, but nothing wrong with one 5 or more years older than you that still looks good. I know you haven't had much luck with them yet, but they can generally be MUCH more forgiving of nerdiness than younger ones. While the nerdiness can be a liability, your youth (compared to her) is an asset that can compensate. Plus sometimes nerdiness is cute to an older woman. She might want to be the "teacher."

3. Traveler women are usually intelligent and sometimes look for flings. Hotel bars are not bad. Or maybe a lounge or martini bar rather than a local frat boy bar. More upscale venues might attract a bright, slightly older broad.

4. Go on vacation/holiday. Sometimes even a nerd can score on vacation because women are feeling more open and adventurous.

If your question is how to b*ng the sl*tty bad girls as a nerdy guy, I have NO friggin' clue . While not impossible, that is extremely difficult to pull off.

The BIG misconception is these sl*ts are easy and will b*ng most anyone. Wrong, wrong, wrong. They can be easy, but ONLY with a certain type of guy, usually the bad boy who is muscular and/or physically big. The "easiest" girls are the most picky. It's a paradox.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

I think you're missing the point. I was just told by a girl on pof (the skanky kind I'd like to have non-emotional sex with) "you're not ugly, but I go for ripped muscular pretty boys." And she's at tops a 7, if that, has a kid, etc. .

Ok, so you are both superficial and shallow. Get over it. Move on.

I look "nice." I could have a goatee, different outfit, tattoos, have big muscles, but I'd still look like a "good person." (I work out fwiw but I do that for me. If I were doing it for results from women I would have quit long ago as I'm not getting any attention.)

I have big muscles, look hot to most women, and still am a good person, and look like one. What makes you think you are above people who look better? It is that attitude that is keeping you down.

I could solve the cure for cancer if I really wanted to, but I don't want to.

What makes you think that that is what women want? Start taking care of yourself for you.

The problem is that I'm not meeting any good/smart/pretty/relationship quality girls, the type that would like me back, etc., but I want to lose the v card and can't wait for the next time I meet one.

Why would the good/smartpretty relationship quality girls want you, when they can have their pick of any man? What makes you think those types are willing to settle?

So you are not meeting that type and you are not having success with the "skanks". There is one common denominator. YOU. You are just not attracting any type of women. Time to make changes, and change your predicament.

I'd like to have unemotional sex with some skank or older woman, but they don't seem to want me or pay me any attention since I'm not hot or dangerous looking.

The reason you are not having sex with "some skank or older woman" is because you are the judgemental type. Somehow you think that those women are beneath you, and therefore they should want you just how you are, because you are better than them. This vibe comes across to women, and they see your desperation. Let me break it to you. Any women who is a 7, will have plenty of options when it comes to men. Why would they choose you?

I'd much prefer just meeting someone good and having sex with her, but I can't wait.

How about you start working on yourself.

To answer your question in the title, there is no difference "between relationship game and gaming girl for sex". If you know how to game, you will game both types, the choice will be yours. And yes, you game them both by having sex with them sooner rather than later.

"Skanks" or women looking for fun are not looking for nerds to sleep with, they are not attracted to them, not for just fun. The same way you wouldn't want to just have fun with a homely/nerdy girl, you want the "skank".

 

[rhcp83]

Good questions and good thread. As sort of a "nerd" myself, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. While some nerds have reasonably handsome faces and ok bodies, women generally don't consider us for casual s*x. At best, we might be the relationship guy MUCH later on. Ugh.

Even worse is when girls say, "I don't think of you in that (one night stand) kind of way." While nerds are not OVERTLY sexual, on the inside, we're just as horny as the bad boy. (I would argue that nerds can be more horny than the bad boy sometimes. This is why so many nerds are into porn. Of course nerds would prefer the real thing. The difficulty is getting the real thing.) We are not necessarily looking for a relationship. Sometimes, yes, nerds just want to get some quick action.

Plus, being intelligent can actually hurt you if you're JUST trying to get laid. You can overthink. You can be more socially awkward at times. I've been there.

I understand Curious Girl's point that intelligence can be attractive, and intelligent guys would do better with an intelligent woman. I agree there. You willl generally "click" better with an intelligent woman. I LOVE intelligent women. It's uber sexy. But here is the problem with intelligent women IME:

1. Some are too conservative, i.e. only want relationships, not a one night stand. Or MOST commonly #2.

2. If she does want casual s*x, it's NOT with another super intelligent (nerdy) guy. She wants the quickie with the bad boy, even if he is only average intelligence. For example, she is the medical student, and he is the bartender with tattoos and a motorcycle. (No offense to bartenders, just an example.)

3. Or she wants that super rare intelligent AND hot guy to have the fling with.

I don't have a specific answer to your problem. It's an ongoing dilemma for the nerdy guy. However, I will give a few tips that I learned along the way.

1. Stay away from bright colored clothing. Wear dark colors like black, gray, etc. If you are like me i.e. perceived as not that masculine/bad boy, you will look totally gay in light colors like pink. Wearing black will give a little bad boy appeal. It's not a silver bullet, but it definitely helps a bit for pulling ONS'.

2. Maybe grow a little stubble, i.e. 5 o'clock shadow for additional slight bad boy look.

2. Try older women. I don't mean ancient grannies, but nothing wrong with one 5 or more years older than you that still looks good. I know you haven't had much luck with them yet, but they can generally be MUCH more forgiving of nerdiness than younger ones. While the nerdiness can be a liability, your youth (compared to her) is an asset that can compensate. Plus sometimes nerdiness is cute to an older woman. She might want to be the "teacher."

3. Traveler women are usually intelligent and sometimes look for flings. Hotel bars are not bad. Or maybe a lounge or martini bar rather than a local frat boy bar. More upscale venues might attract a bright, slightly older broad.

4. Go on vacation/holiday. Sometimes even a nerd can score on vacation because women are feeling more open and adventurous.

If your question is how to b*ng the sl*tty bad girls as a nerdy guy, I have NO friggin' clue . While not impossible, that is extremely difficult to pull off.

The BIG misconception is these sl*ts are easy and will b*ng most anyone. Wrong, wrong, wrong. They can be easy, but ONLY with a certain type of guy, usually the bad boy who is muscular and/or physically big. The "easiest" girls are the most picky. It's a paradox.

Good to see someone else gets it.

Btw to answer gangsteroflove...I know I can get the smart, pretty girls because the few girls I've dated were that type. Similar people attract similar people.

Interesting observation gangsteroflove about me thinking the "skanks" are beneath me...but that's not the reason they aren't interested. They just don't see me as a "sexual person" to begin with.

Mike32ct...the older thing, definitely, no problem with some woman in her early-mid-late 30s, even 40s if she still has it going on...once again, don't really see them (single milfs) where I live.

Vacation...was considering that. I noticed when I went to Florida a year and a half ago how much nicer the women were. Legit 10s would talk to me like they've known me my whole life and my game wasn't anything great. If I had better game at the time, who knows what could have happened.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I just think that it would be a smart thing to have a practice lay with a girl who isn't relationship material, that way no emotional attachment to it. Part of the reason it didn't end up happening with a girl I was dating is because she could tell I had strong feelings for her and was afraid if we had sex (we did everything else) that I'd get attached and clingy since it would have been my first time. (Ironic thing being that by denying me the sex, and also dumping me when I really liked her, it made me clingy anyway.)

I'd just like this out of the way and also would like to touch a female body again. I've proven I can attract intelligent/smart/cute women, just not meeting them in my current situation...but I want the v card out of the way. I'd like to know before my next relationship what I'm getting into sex. I feel like if I were to meet a cute, smart girl, I'd care about the sex way more than she did and look into it more and be more "emotional" about it and just screw things up.

My point with the skanky women or women that sleep around or an older woman is that I would go into it with no emotional attachment whatsoever.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Well, here's the thing about dumb party girls...

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com

You are going to be fighting an uphill battle getting attention from girls that DON'T value your intelligence, wit, etc. On top of that, you will have NOTHING in common with them, which will make it VERY hard to create attraction.

Focus on meeting the girls you naturally click with, instead of trying to dumb yourself down for typical party girls. It seems to me that you are already able to attract the girls that you WANT, so the only issue is how to demonstrate a non-needy vibe. We can help you with that-- give us updates and we'll give you the proper course of action.

As much as I hate to suggest it, I DO recommend that you lie about having already lost your virginity if the next girl brings it up. It's certainly not a lie that hurts anyone, and it will make things a lot easier for you.

 

[rhcp83]

Thanks Jeff.

Like I've said, I'd definitely prefer dating someone my type anyway...just hard to find and I'm not the extra-aggressive type. I do approach/flirt when I'm out and about...but I guess I've never believed in "searching for women" for any reason.

I guess the reason I was thinking about finding some hot skank is because I see a lot of women that I would have a night with but wouldn't want to date (not my type, or I'm very attracted but they aren't LTR material or would have anything in common with them.) It seems like it would be easier to find one of those women (since there are more of them) than to find a compatible girlfriend that I'd like.

I met both girls I dated online...one through networking on facebook (one of those situations where everything came together perfectly)...another on okcupid (she was a rare diamond on the rough for that type of site...genuine profile....talked about how she liked to go out with her friends but went out on wednesdays to avoid the whole "let's drink bud light and get drunk" crowd.) We had a great first convo and met and clicked even more in person.

As we all know with online dating...it's very limited as far as selection.

As far as lying about being a virgin...definitely. The only reason it came out with that girl is because we were talking about college (I commuted) and she asked me and caught me in a lie (I tried the whole "Oh there were a few women" thing but she could see through it.)

So maybe the answer is just more proactively looking for someone good and my type and someone that I'd be their type as well? If that's the case though, how do I mentally get rid of this whole "sex is this big deal" thing?

It's not so much horniness. I don't look at a lot of porn or masturbate that often...it's more of just an overbearing curiosity.

 

[Jeffst1980]

So maybe the answer is just more proactively looking for someone good and my type and someone that I'd be their type as well? If that's the case though, how do I mentally get rid of this whole "sex is this big deal" thing?

It's not so much horniness. I don't look at a lot of porn or masturbate that often...it's more of just an overbearing curiosity.

Truth is, it's not a big deal at all. Roughly the same sensation; same end result. Nothing life changing. If you've done "everything else," I wouldn't even consider yourself a virgin. It's only a matter of technicalities at this point. If a girl had done "everything else" with 30 dudes but only had intercourse with one of them, she can't honestly claim to have had one sexual partner- although, somehow society permits that distinction.

 

[floydb25]

Whats with this fascination you have of skanks? They're nothing special. All they do is make you feel dumb and shallow. Plus they've been around... Why would you want someone who already ****ed the whole county? These girls are garbage. You're not missing out on anything. You just don't know this because you haven't experienced it.

The only way to attract these people is to become just like them. They're attracted to what they are. Like that one girl told you... That's who they seek after. They share the same lifestyles and stupidity. You can't really pretend to be a pretty, muscular, bad boy. Either you are one, or not. Even if you have the look... If you don't have the shallow personality and lack of character - you still won't get anywhere.

These people aren't special, and certainly not worth dumbing yourself down over. You'll grow tired of it, and feel shallow in the end. You're also not "not good enough" because you're not attracting them. These people aren't worth attracting in the first place.

But, I think its interesting how people assume that being bad or a douche bag comes with all these great benefits. It doesn't, really. All you do is attract low quality skanks. They don't change, and aren't worth a damn. They're still the same in every possible way - only, they're attracted to you.