Hey guys,
Looking for some input here as I am generally a very rational guy but find that with this sort of thing, emotions can really cloud your judgment so it is always helpful to get some unbiased advice. Sorry for the length, just want to be thorough with my summary so you get the full picture before weighing in.
So I met this girl back in March and started seeing her (we'll call her June) - My early assessment was that she was extremely physically attractive - completely my type... but also extremely emotionally immature and somewhat unintelligent.
When I met her, I had just gotten out of a dynamic with another girl where I was exclusive, but not very physically attracted to her, and had noticed I had let myself fall into that arrangement a couple of times in the past and was just happy to find someone that I really liked the look of for a change.
Therefore, I continued seeing/dating June, but because I had an ingrained belief at the time that it was important to be able to have intellectual conversations with my partner and be with someone who is emotionally mature, I guess I thought there was a good chance it wouldn't work out long term between us.
I therefore told her I wasn't really looking to commit to a relationship and having restrictions/expectations/obligations imposed on me, and instead preferred the idea of just "seeing her" without all the formalities.
She took a month to get comfortable enough to sleep with me and said she had only slept with 3 guys before me as she needs to feel really comfortable with a guy first (she is 25).
That said, once we started having sex, it turned out to be consistently mind-blowingly amazing and I couldn't get enough of it.
I guess I didn't invest as much mental energy into our conversations and interactions as I would have with a girl who was the "whole package" but became hooked on the sex.
She picked up on this and suggested we stop seeing each other a few times - I convinced her to keep seeing me the first couple of times, but felt too emotionally drained by the third time and just said ok.
I booked a date with a different girl after this, and 2 days later, June showed up at my house wanting to talk and we ended up sleeping together. She said she had a new outlook on life, was now ok with just being easy-going, going with the flow and wanted to start seeing me again to enjoy the present moment without the pressure of stressing about where we were going with things.
I said that sounds great, but that I'd booked a date with another girl already. June said she didn't like sharing and basically that she didn't need a relationship but wouldn't see me if I went out with anyone else at the same time as her. I said that I understood, but given that the date was already booked in from when we were apart, I wanted to honour that and see where things went with this other girl first to be fair.
Date went nowhere, so I ended up seeing June again.
A month later, June and her friend went on a 3 week holiday to Thailand and we were talking online a lot, and I realised how much I missed her. She said she missed me a lot too and couldn't wait to see me etc. At one point she called me internationally, emotionally distraught that her friend was interested in the guy on her tour (call him Bill), but that he was interested in June and that they were getting really close, which created tension between June and her friend. She assured me that she hadn't even kissed Bill, just that he seemed really nice, they had a strong emotionally connection, he was "spiritual" like her and so they got on really well. I calmed her down and gave her some advice to help fix the situation and dynamic between everyone, which she followed to good success.
In the third and final week of her holiday, she was still messaging me a lot and telling me about how much she missed me, and things seemed great between us. Unbeknownst to me, she let Bill **** her at the beginning of her last week in Thailand.
Because she brought him up a couple more times, I asked her point blank whether she hooked up with him - she said "no, i knew it would never work out between us, he is constantly moving around... he asked me if i would go out with him if he lived in the same city as me, i said yeah sure - he is a sweet guy. i also told him about u". I asked whether she would go out with him instead of me if he lived in the same city, to which she replied "no not like that, i told him i am seeing someone n that we have good sex etc. he asked if i connected with you on that deep emotional level to which i said i don't know because i'm still getting to know u and ur not looking for anything serious etc etc"
A day later, I was messaging her talking about how much I couldn't wait to sleep with her again as I hadn't gotten any for 3 weeks now. She asked why I didn't hook up with any other girls while she was gone, I said I didn't feel like it cos I was happy with her at the moment.
On her second last day, June messaged me saying that my friend asked her friend if June hooked up with any guys in Thailand and "haha as if i'd do that". I said that i didn't think she'd sleep with any guys but didn't know about kissing. She said "no comment" and basically implied she gave Bill a "peck on the lips goodbye" but that it doesn't count and that she liked my lips better. We then spoke more and she said "if you found a pretty girl on holiday i bet you'd have sex with her". I said I would, she asked even if I was seeing her, I said "nah it is different if I'm seeing someone".
She said she probably would have gone all the way with Bill if she wasn't seeing me. I said that shocked me cos it doesn't seem like her and asked if she told him that. She said "nah, told him i was seeing u. he gets me.". I said I was a bit jealous, she said "he holds my hands while we walk around. that's all". I said I was more jealous at the fact that she knew him such a short space of time and would have slept with him already if she wasn't seeing me.
She said "well i saw him day n night for over 2 weeks so not that short... mayb i was in the holiday mood or letting my guard down... but i missed u... so maybe he was a guy replacement".
Fast forward to my overseas trip a month later, we still weren't "emotionally connected" so we sadly stopped seeing each other just before I left. She messaged me once whilst I was overseas and I struck out with ladies there (a few makeouts and a little fooling around, but no sex) so was really horny by the time I got back home. She had evidently missed me a lot and we hooked up again and saw each other again, at first it was great (aside from the fact that she said Bill was coming here to visit her next year), but it quickly became different this time, like I had a lot less patience for her immaturity and bull****, so by mid-October we had a pretty big fight and ended it "for good".
She wanted to stay friends, keep me in her life and keep talking to me, but I said that it is impossible to move on under those circumstances, so need to cut all contact with her until we'd both fully moved on (however long that took). We said our goodbyes and I disabled facebook chat for her, changed my settings so activity about her didn't show up in my news feed, and we deleted each other's phone numbers.
This was fine and I even started sleeping with a new girl a few weeks ago, but that just made me miss the sex with June even more and remind me of how amazing it was and how pretty I thought she was. At this time (after a month of not seeing me), she messaged me asking if we could be friends yet cos she missed me. I said no, she said she had started seeing a new guy who she really liked (call him Dave) and saw a future with, I said I didn't want to hear that **** and blocked her on facebook saying it might take years and I'll let her know if/when I move on, but no friendship until then.
Felt like **** for the next week, missing her a lot etc... Then had to see her at a mutual friend's birthday on the following weekend. Sucked to see her but was dealing... until she followed me to the bathroom and kissed me. I kissed her back a lot and we ended up cuddling/making out in bed and talking about trying a proper relationship for once all night.
She then said she was torn because she really liked both me and Dave (who she still hadn't slept with yet) and that its not fair on him when he'd done nothing wrong so she needed a couple of weeks to think about it and choose who to be with. We then spent the past week hanging out, making out, talking a ton and discussing what it would be like in a relationship. It started looking like she would choose me (even though she wouldn't commit to it, she said she thought she wanted me but wasn't sure yet and wanted to give Dave a chance since it wasn't fair on him, so needed more time). I therefore started laying some expectations for the relationship with her if we were to try one, including the fact that I expected complete honesty and openness. She agreed to this and said honesty was important to her too.
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Looking for some input here as I am generally a very rational guy but find that with this sort of thing, emotions can really cloud your judgment so it is always helpful to get some unbiased advice. Sorry for the length, just want to be thorough with my summary so you get the full picture before weighing in.
So I met this girl back in March and started seeing her (we'll call her June) - My early assessment was that she was extremely physically attractive - completely my type... but also extremely emotionally immature and somewhat unintelligent.
When I met her, I had just gotten out of a dynamic with another girl where I was exclusive, but not very physically attracted to her, and had noticed I had let myself fall into that arrangement a couple of times in the past and was just happy to find someone that I really liked the look of for a change.
Therefore, I continued seeing/dating June, but because I had an ingrained belief at the time that it was important to be able to have intellectual conversations with my partner and be with someone who is emotionally mature, I guess I thought there was a good chance it wouldn't work out long term between us.
I therefore told her I wasn't really looking to commit to a relationship and having restrictions/expectations/obligations imposed on me, and instead preferred the idea of just "seeing her" without all the formalities.
She took a month to get comfortable enough to sleep with me and said she had only slept with 3 guys before me as she needs to feel really comfortable with a guy first (she is 25).
That said, once we started having sex, it turned out to be consistently mind-blowingly amazing and I couldn't get enough of it.
I guess I didn't invest as much mental energy into our conversations and interactions as I would have with a girl who was the "whole package" but became hooked on the sex.
She picked up on this and suggested we stop seeing each other a few times - I convinced her to keep seeing me the first couple of times, but felt too emotionally drained by the third time and just said ok.
I booked a date with a different girl after this, and 2 days later, June showed up at my house wanting to talk and we ended up sleeping together. She said she had a new outlook on life, was now ok with just being easy-going, going with the flow and wanted to start seeing me again to enjoy the present moment without the pressure of stressing about where we were going with things.
I said that sounds great, but that I'd booked a date with another girl already. June said she didn't like sharing and basically that she didn't need a relationship but wouldn't see me if I went out with anyone else at the same time as her. I said that I understood, but given that the date was already booked in from when we were apart, I wanted to honour that and see where things went with this other girl first to be fair.
Date went nowhere, so I ended up seeing June again.
A month later, June and her friend went on a 3 week holiday to Thailand and we were talking online a lot, and I realised how much I missed her. She said she missed me a lot too and couldn't wait to see me etc. At one point she called me internationally, emotionally distraught that her friend was interested in the guy on her tour (call him Bill), but that he was interested in June and that they were getting really close, which created tension between June and her friend. She assured me that she hadn't even kissed Bill, just that he seemed really nice, they had a strong emotionally connection, he was "spiritual" like her and so they got on really well. I calmed her down and gave her some advice to help fix the situation and dynamic between everyone, which she followed to good success.
In the third and final week of her holiday, she was still messaging me a lot and telling me about how much she missed me, and things seemed great between us. Unbeknownst to me, she let Bill **** her at the beginning of her last week in Thailand.
Because she brought him up a couple more times, I asked her point blank whether she hooked up with him - she said "no, i knew it would never work out between us, he is constantly moving around... he asked me if i would go out with him if he lived in the same city as me, i said yeah sure - he is a sweet guy. i also told him about u". I asked whether she would go out with him instead of me if he lived in the same city, to which she replied "no not like that, i told him i am seeing someone n that we have good sex etc. he asked if i connected with you on that deep emotional level to which i said i don't know because i'm still getting to know u and ur not looking for anything serious etc etc"
A day later, I was messaging her talking about how much I couldn't wait to sleep with her again as I hadn't gotten any for 3 weeks now. She asked why I didn't hook up with any other girls while she was gone, I said I didn't feel like it cos I was happy with her at the moment.
On her second last day, June messaged me saying that my friend asked her friend if June hooked up with any guys in Thailand and "haha as if i'd do that". I said that i didn't think she'd sleep with any guys but didn't know about kissing. She said "no comment" and basically implied she gave Bill a "peck on the lips goodbye" but that it doesn't count and that she liked my lips better. We then spoke more and she said "if you found a pretty girl on holiday i bet you'd have sex with her". I said I would, she asked even if I was seeing her, I said "nah it is different if I'm seeing someone".
She said she probably would have gone all the way with Bill if she wasn't seeing me. I said that shocked me cos it doesn't seem like her and asked if she told him that. She said "nah, told him i was seeing u. he gets me.". I said I was a bit jealous, she said "he holds my hands while we walk around. that's all". I said I was more jealous at the fact that she knew him such a short space of time and would have slept with him already if she wasn't seeing me.
She said "well i saw him day n night for over 2 weeks so not that short... mayb i was in the holiday mood or letting my guard down... but i missed u... so maybe he was a guy replacement".
Fast forward to my overseas trip a month later, we still weren't "emotionally connected" so we sadly stopped seeing each other just before I left. She messaged me once whilst I was overseas and I struck out with ladies there (a few makeouts and a little fooling around, but no sex) so was really horny by the time I got back home. She had evidently missed me a lot and we hooked up again and saw each other again, at first it was great (aside from the fact that she said Bill was coming here to visit her next year), but it quickly became different this time, like I had a lot less patience for her immaturity and bull****, so by mid-October we had a pretty big fight and ended it "for good".
She wanted to stay friends, keep me in her life and keep talking to me, but I said that it is impossible to move on under those circumstances, so need to cut all contact with her until we'd both fully moved on (however long that took). We said our goodbyes and I disabled facebook chat for her, changed my settings so activity about her didn't show up in my news feed, and we deleted each other's phone numbers.
This was fine and I even started sleeping with a new girl a few weeks ago, but that just made me miss the sex with June even more and remind me of how amazing it was and how pretty I thought she was. At this time (after a month of not seeing me), she messaged me asking if we could be friends yet cos she missed me. I said no, she said she had started seeing a new guy who she really liked (call him Dave) and saw a future with, I said I didn't want to hear that **** and blocked her on facebook saying it might take years and I'll let her know if/when I move on, but no friendship until then.
Felt like **** for the next week, missing her a lot etc... Then had to see her at a mutual friend's birthday on the following weekend. Sucked to see her but was dealing... until she followed me to the bathroom and kissed me. I kissed her back a lot and we ended up cuddling/making out in bed and talking about trying a proper relationship for once all night.
She then said she was torn because she really liked both me and Dave (who she still hadn't slept with yet) and that its not fair on him when he'd done nothing wrong so she needed a couple of weeks to think about it and choose who to be with. We then spent the past week hanging out, making out, talking a ton and discussing what it would be like in a relationship. It started looking like she would choose me (even though she wouldn't commit to it, she said she thought she wanted me but wasn't sure yet and wanted to give Dave a chance since it wasn't fair on him, so needed more time). I therefore started laying some expectations for the relationship with her if we were to try one, including the fact that I expected complete honesty and openness. She agreed to this and said honesty was important to her too.
CONTINUED
