Did i took the right dicission?

[JazzJazba]

I've been in relation with this girl from past 3 and a half months. She's 20 and I'm 22.

We've spent a lot of quality time together but after sometime, I lost the control of the relation and went from alpha to a super WUSS AFC.

She became distant and as a result, I clingy more and more, said why you ignore me, why you don't talk and all. Which only threw her further away from me. It's happening from 2-3 weeks now.

Slowly she has started to lose respect for me, and is getting rude.

It's like she's disrespectful towards me and then all the blame is always on me. She get's rude on super lame thing's and then when I say about it - she's like I've got many problems with her and don't tolerate her.

It's not how she was before. She always compromised and was the best understanding person I ever met with.

I know it's all AFC stuff to say she's the one for me and that I want her back, but I am ready to possibly do all I can do to get her back to the way she used to be with me.

Here is what happened last time, she came from university and acted *****y over a small thing. I complaint her about it as to why she's becoming so rude with me and that she shouldn't take me for granted. She said thing's like "what have I done now? You're having too many endless problems with me so what's my fault? Still if you think I am rude then I am sorry for it but I was very tired that time because of university stuff , and etc" -- you get it.

Then I said her "I don't have problems with you when you talk perfectly fine, just don't always be rude as I don't like this attitude of yours, i made you my girl friend for the sake of your kindness and good behavior so don't lose it and don't talk to me the time when you are tired."

And that's all, she had to go somewhere so she went. Now I'm thinking to immediately NO CONTACT her and spin some plates, totally cut off for some day's. No texts and no calls, and no dates, totally disappear myself. That may make her wonder that why he stopped chasing all of a sudden and all and at the same time i'll be emotionally recovered because of meeting with other girls.

Is the decision of going No contact and spinning plates good? Or if not, then what else should I do?

And well I also need to ask one question about this matter. As per the details I've provided in this post. Our recent last conversation was a bit of argumental, and kind of not so friendly, it was uncomfortable as we both were yelling at each others. So is it better if I somehow manage to spend some quality time with her before I go No contact?

Like talking with her for last time in a cool, chilling behavior so that the last conversation will be in her mind, rather then the ****ed up one. You get the point?

And after all this, are there some chances that she becomes okay again?

Please I request that you provide the correct answers rather then just asking me to next her and stop thinking etc. Thanks all.

 

[MikeAndIke]

Although the details of the relationship are quite thin, I assume that the relationship may have run its course. I think its done. You still like her and all, but you have somehow lost your power here. I suggest breaking it off before she does because if she breaks it off, it will kill you. You are young and in college. There should be other chicks for you out there. Ultimately, its your decision. But you must consider your feelings. You are willing to go the extra mile, but she isnt.

You could try to be smooth, act like not much has really happened, get to a "normal" state, give her the best sex ever, and slowly pull away. I would consider that. I may be wrong. Thoughts anyone?

Your call

 

[NobodyCares1]

Similar thing happened to me, I went NC. After a while she contacted me, with higher interest. Though I could get back with her then because her IL was already higher I decided not to (partially because I wanted to pick up some other women and partially because of my insecurity).

But now after 5 months I reinitiated the contact, she then began to contact me too and things seem to go well for now. So I suggest no contact, not necessarily for 5 months but 2 - 4 weeks would be good. AND DO NOT REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN! I know it's not that easy but if you do that things will go south again.

 

[JazzJazba]

Similar thing happened to me, I went NC. After a while she contacted me, with higher interest. Though I could get back with her then because her IL was already higher I decided not to (partially because I wanted to pick up some other women and partially because of my insecurity).

But now after 5 months I reinitiated the contact, she then began to contact me too and things seem to go well for now. So I suggest no contact, not necessarily for 5 months but 2 - 4 weeks would be good. AND DO NOT REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN! I know it's not that easy but if you do that things will go south again.

Can you share your story with me? If you can't post it here, PM me it to me, it'll help me a lot to realize more about my current situation. It'll be very appreciated. And will be kept private if you decide to PM me.

 

[NobodyCares1]

Can you share your story with me? If you can't post it here, PM me it to me, it'll help me a lot to realize more about my current situation. It'll be very appreciated. And will be kept private if you decide to PM me.

All right, I'll send you a PM but you have to wait a bit because it's long and I don't have much time to write it right now

 

[NobodyCares1]

Also enable recieving PMs in your profile.

 

[casaanova]

I literally had a whole detailed paragraph on your situation, but then I read this:

Please I request that you provide the correct answers rather then just asking me to next her and stop thinking etc. Thanks all.

If that's the case then there's nothing I can tell you; and more importantly, you already know the answer.


But I will leave in this freebie:

Now I'm thinking to immediately NO CONTACT her and spin some plates, totally cut off for some day's. No texts and no calls, and no dates, totally disappear myself. That may make her wonder that why he stopped chasing all of a sudden and all and at the same time i'll be emotionally recovered because of meeting with other girls.

NC is for girls who already have interest in you, or at least a morsel of respect for you. You'd literally be doing her a favor by putting her on ice.

 

[JazzJazba]

Also enable recieving PMs in your profile.

Enabled "Receive Email from Other Members", there wasn't the option for enabling private messages. So you can email.

NC is for girls who already have interest in you, or at least a morsel of respect for you. You'd literally be doing her a favor by putting her on ice.

I believe there is still some small amount of interest left, otherwise she would have just left or broken up. And there are times when all of a sudden she acts very interested and in good mood - rarely. Anyway's. Already NC with her. If she text, should i reply or just compeletely disappear?

 

[NobodyCares1]

Enabled "Receive Email from Other Members", there wasn't the option for enabling private messages. So you can email.

Private messages settings are right under it. Anyway I sent you the email.

 

[casaanova]

Slowly she has started to lose respect for me, and is getting rude.

It's like she's disrespectful towards me and then all the blame is always on me. She get's rude on super lame thing's and then when I say about it - she's like I've got many problems with her and don't tolerate her.

Here is what happened last time, she came from university and acted *****y over a small thing. I complaint her about it as to why she's becoming so rude with me and that she shouldn't take me for granted. She said thing's like "what have I done now? You're having too many endless problems with me so what's my fault? Still if you think I am rude then I am sorry for it but I was very tired that time because of university stuff , and etc" -- you get it.

Then I said her "I don't have problems with you when you talk perfectly fine, just don't always be rude as I don't like this attitude of yours, i made you my girl friend for the sake of your kindness and good behavior so don't lose it and don't talk to me the time when you are tired."

Our recent last conversation was a bit of argumental, and kind of not so friendly, it was uncomfortable as we both were yelling at each others.

That doesn't sound like a girl who has some interest in you. You're thinking logically when you argue with her and she puts the blame on you, but she's really speaking woman-ese for "I'm bored with you, why are you so lame?".

And just because she hasn't left or dumped you (yet), doesn't mean she still likes you. Women can't stand being single; they'll stay with one guy no matter how crappy the relationship is UNTIL a better guy comes along, and then it's time for "the talk" with you. She just hasn't found that guy yet.

 

[NobodyCares1]

And just because she hasn't left or dumped you (yet), doesn't mean she still likes you. Women can't stand being single; they'll stay with one guy no matter how crappy the relationship is UNTIL a better guy comes along, and then it's time for "the talk" with you. She just hasn't found that guy yet.

This is true, I can prove it with experience. Though it wasn't me with who the girl was, I was the one she was ready to leave her BF for. Even though I talked with her only once in my life and I was so drunk that I don't even remember it. I just know from what my friends told me. She even broke up with her BF back then because of me. Then they were on bad terms for two months. One of my firends wanted me to text her and start dating her, because he was texting with her and she told him all that stuff, how she finds me really handsome and so on. I told him that I wouldn't text her and he told her that. In a week a friend told me that she is back with her BF on good terms.

So she was still with that guy but really wanted to be with me, it's when she realised that I don't want anything with her she got back on good terms with him, but I'm sure she would still leave him for me.

 

[JazzJazba]

NobodyCares1, Thanks for spending time writing that e-mail, i've read it full and it surely helped me to get some experience and idea.

So well,

And well I also need to ask one question about this matter. As per the details I've provided in this post. Our recent last conversation was a bit of argumental, and kind of not so friendly, it was uncomfortable as we both were yelling at each others. So is it better if I somehow manage to spend some quality time with her before I go No contact?

What do you guys say about this?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Enabled "Receive Email from Other Members", there wasn't the option for enabling private messages. So you can email.



I believe there is still some small amount of interest left, otherwise she would have just left or broken up. And there are times when all of a sudden she acts very interested and in good mood - rarely. Anyway's. Already NC with her. If she text, should i reply or just compeletely disappear?

PMs don't become active until you've made a minmal number of posts (I can't remember whether it's 5 or 10). After that your PM capability will kick in.

 

[NobodyCares1]

NobodyCares1, Thanks for spending time writing that e-mail, i've read it full and it surely helped me to get some experience and idea.

So well,



What do you guys say about this?

You're welcome. If someone else wants to read it I can post it here too.

About your other question I don't think you'll manage to spend quality time with her at this point. But don't worry about it, if she is still interested she will remember those good times you had before. Just go NC, but don't forget to move on, don't wait for her to come back because that might not happen. Try to get back in the game as soon as possible.

Good luck to you, I know how hard it will be but don't give up.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"Please I request that you provide the correct answers rather then just asking me to next her and stop thinking etc. Thanks all."

Sucks to be you because the "correct answers" are that she does not love you, does not like you, would rather f*ck someone else, and is hoping you will tell her that the two of you are finished so she doesn't have to do it herself.

 

[JazzJazba]

You're welcome. If someone else wants to read it I can post it here too.

About your other question I don't think you'll manage to spend quality time with her at this point. But don't worry about it, if she is still interested she will remember those good times you had before. Just go NC, but don't forget to move on, don't wait for her to come back because that might not happen. Try to get back in the game as soon as possible.

Good luck to you, I know how hard it will be but don't give up.

Seriously you are the most helpful member of this forum. Since the matter is about feelings stuff so really thankful to you and prayers with u
back on topic -- yeah I think you are right. Basically my point of view was that so it will be her who will send me the last message. My plan was to bring up an important conversation with her to which she would be wanting to talk on. And then I will say her talk to you later good bye, that's where the no contact will begin as per my plan. In that case I will be holding the power, woudnt I? She will know I ended last talk first and did not contacted her after it. Because right now if I went no contact, the power may still be in her hand. Why? Because my last text message to her was "Missing you, text back soon.". I know I know that was exactly wrong time to say miss thing but anyways so it might be her mind setup that I asked her to talk to me and that I am not contacting because of her distant behaviour? On the other have if I give her a call, make a brief conversation and then say gotta go.? I tried to make my point as brief as possible. Hope you get it. What you all say on this ? I might be wrong so any advice?

 

[NobodyCares1]

Seriously you are the most helpful member of this forum. Since the matter is about feelings stuff so really thankful to you and prayers with u
back on topic -- yeah I think you are right. Basically my point of view was that so it will be her who will send me the last message. My plan was to bring up an important conversation with her to which she would be wanting to talk on. And then I will say her talk to you later good bye, that's where the no contact will begin as per my plan. In that case I will be holding the power, woudnt I? She will know I ended last talk first and did not contacted her after it. Because right now if I went no contact, the power may still be in her hand. Why? Because my last text message to her was "Missing you, text back soon.". I know I know that was exactly wrong time to say miss thing but anyways so it might be her mind setup that I asked her to talk to me and that I am not contacting because of her distant behaviour? On the other have if I give her a call, make a brief conversation and then say gotta go.? I tried to make my point as brief as possible. Hope you get it. What you all say on this ? I might be wrong so any advice?

Nah, other guys are helpful too, it's just that a lot of them forgot how it was when they were in a situation like this.

Now about your question. To be honest I don't think that would really change much. I know it's hard but her interest is really low at this point so it might actually make things even worse. In my story the girl kissed me goodbye after the date I AFCed out, so I knew she still had at least a bit of interest. In your case it's much worse, you have to accept the fact that she probably won't come back or it might take a lot of time.

Just go NC and try to forget about her fast, get back in the game. It'll take time but you'll get over her. Don't try to contact her back it'll make your pain just worse and forgetting harder. Even if she contacts you don't reply right away, she has to at least tell you that she wants you back.

Read the DJBible and The Book of Pook... mostly some motivational stuff, it'll make you feel better. Also cut out romantic songs and romantic movies for a while.

 

[JazzJazba]

Well here's the update. After 2-3 days of NC. on 24th and now 28th, she contacted me and talked for an hour. On call.
She was acting almost friendly and taking interest to bring up topics. I won't call it perfect, one can say she still don't have much of interest but it was better then last time. She wasn't rude at all but a little bit funny and told me some news of her college and one secret of her best friend, which i believe she told because we had nothing else to talk about. So well what do you guys think, there's any hope?

 

[Duce]

I'd be keen to read it if its ok Nobodycares?

 

[NobodyCares1]

Well here's the update. After 2-3 days of NC. on 24th and now 28th, she contacted me and talked for an hour. On call.
She was acting almost friendly and taking interest to bring up topics. I won't call it perfect, one can say she still don't have much of interest but it was better then last time. She wasn't rude at all but a little bit funny and told me some news of her college and one secret of her best friend, which i believe she told because we had nothing else to talk about. So well what do you guys think, there's any hope?

There might, just give it time, keep being distant a bit for a while. See where it goes.

Duce I'll send you a PM