Did I Take it Too Far?

[ngdonjuan]

Recap:

-Met a girl through a friend, she showed a ton of interest the first night we met and insisted I stay over (although I actually slept on her couch).

-A week later (yes I waited this long) I asked her out, after things falling apart after dinner, she ultimately stayed over my place. And no she didn't stay on the couch.

-We went out a couple times after and a few more sleep overs.

-Told her I was going overseas for a few months and she said no more sleep overs.

-Still had one before.

-I come back she says she has a bf and that she only likes me as a friend.

-She breaks up with the bf after a week or so.

-We don't talk much for a few months.

-We start talking again, she visits and stays over. She compliments my looks, my career talks a little about my future life and family and stuff...

-She's talkative for a few days after.

-She also asks my situation on Valentine's day.

Current Situation

-Now when I try to talk to her about silly things, she brings up big topics like you're a decent person but not all the time, I don't think we can even be a couple, I'm not flirting with you, I dream of meeting someone I can spend the rest of my life with, the we can only be friends business (but I've heard this before and still had sleepovers), etc...

-I responded by saying, wow, I thought we were just friends. And yeah I know you think I'm a player, you're welcome to think that. She was reassured by me saying the friends thing and she's like no you're not player but people think she is, etc...

In any case, how do I dig out of this? Let's assume I'm actually interested in dating her more seriously. With this type of girl do I need to use some degree of seriousness and niceness or , ehem tell her I like her? I never complimented her or told her I liked her in the past but the bad boy stuff isn't working so well right now. She's foreign if that makes a difference.

 

[irocknike23]

Have you guys ever done anything? I am confused by what you mean when you say "sleepovers"....like did you guys make out and have sex?

 

[ngdonjuan]

yes

 

[irocknike23]

Well in that case this one is confusing

Seems like things were going great at first but when you left and she got with another dude, she lost feeling for you but still values you as a friend

If and only IF that is the case(because I could be way off on whats really going on) you just have to act cool, go on dates with other girl and show her that you dont need her. If you do that there is a slight chance that she can come back to you.


But what I can say for sure which I 100% know will happen is, if you push too hard and tell her how you feel about her and try to chase her, you will just push her away

Dont know if that helped..

 

[DonJuanabe]

Eh, I think I'd be too annoyed with her, but here is what I would do: while you are busy with the verbal diarrhea just take her in your arms and make out with her. You've already had sex with her and this will instantly tell you precisely what her deal is - it sounds to me like she might just be playing coy, but even if she isn't so what? Remember: what she says means nothing; what she does means everything.

 

[zinc4]

Yes, you have to get physical with her and push for the makeout and/or sex...what is happening is that she is looking for future husband material and she is physically attracted to you but has serious doubts about your character and personality/situation being a fit for her forever....i have gone through this before....you have to conquer her emotions through physical stuff and experiences together and also show her you are in fact a great person or dependable as a serious provider...

if you are not into all that then leave her be...but if you want it then go by getting physical again and giving her mind blowing sex/making love..she has to feel very close to you to overcome her doubts and be swayed by her emotions...none of this friends crap......and of course as always the unwritten rule don't be needy while doing all of this...in the end her vagina will overrule her common sense/doubts...