Did i respond correctly to this shi*t test?

[cfdagola]

So i've been talking to this girl she was recently out of a serious relationship of 2 1/2 years. She broke it off from him. HOPEFULLY not for me and she did it for herself. Anyway since breaking from her other relationship me and her seem to be on the fast track towards something. granted it's only been not even 3 weeks yet since she's been separated! So this guy is still actively trying to get her back.

and we've both noticed it that things seem to moving way to fast for either of us to manage and now even without sex just a lot of heavy kissing, petting, and i even let her give me some head one night although i didn't finish. The car was cramped and I was in her parents driveway so i'm like lets pause.

anyway yesterday she got PISSED that we didn't hang out over the weekend but honestly i was busy. And even now she's still holding this shi*t above my head. she was like i was just really looking forward to seeing you but whatever guess another time.

i sorta laughed it off and was like wow sorry i asked you earlier if you wanted to you didn't really give me an answer. her response. she said she said ok to my idea. looking back at my txt she did. i guess i must have glazed over it and thought she was being to vague so i didn't respond to it. she's like you didn't even call to see or txt to arrange a time. so whatever i thought she dropped it.

i asked her what she was doing 5 minutes later. all she said was "out"

then she started freezing me out and i called her no response. she let it ring through on voice mail. she texted back like 10 minutes later and this is how it went.

her: what's up?
me: call me.
her: i'm good.
me: fair enough
her: *5 minutes later* You can't be annoyed with me...
me: and why can't i?
her: i didn't do anything wrong.
me: except freeze me out.
her: yeah well that's just how i feel right now.
me: well when you get over it. call me. just try to get over it before or after 9 because walking dead comes on.

she calls me at 8:30 and then we talk. she explains that she doesn't understand why she's so angry because we aren't dating and she isn't looking for a relationship right now and she's scared she's way more invested than I am. she went on about how she looks at her schedule to see how she can be around me more etc.. and that she just really misses me and wants to be with me. conflicting i know but her mind is all messed up right now.

I calm her down and tell her to text me before she goes to bed because i have work to do. she's resistant and she's like i feel like i'm losing a battle with you. i don't want to have no control.

she texted me at 10:30 and we talked on the phone for a bit before saying gnight. i'm pretty sure she was out with her ex which is fine with me. because at the end of the night she still followed through.

Did i treat this situation accordingly?

 

[MOTU]

What do you want from this chick? Just to bang? Then you did fine.

If you want a relationship, your not thinking clearly. She will treat you just like she is treating him.

 

[cfdagola]

What do you want from this chick? Just to bang? Then you did fine.

If you want a relationship, your not thinking clearly. She will treat you just like she is treating him.

i do want to see where things go. i'm a but rusty though because this one is the first i've actually had a genuine interest in quite some time.

so what would you advise?

i let her initiate almost all convo's as well i should probably throw that out there before you advise.

edit: this may be answering my own question but i think i just need to escalate as much as she is. and put as much effort in as she is. Because right now she can tell the scale is tipping more on her side because she's putting all the effort forward and i'm just sorta catching passes.

 

[Skyline]

You defended yourself when you apologized, should have just replied with "my bad didnt see it" or something and left it at that. But these courese of actions on her part has revealed something. Her interest is clearly very high with you. If you want to maintain this level, I would relax in the attention via calling and texting so she still has that 'perfect image' of you in her head.

Proceed with doing your own thing so you're busy, this will give her time to wonder about that perfect image in her head. This is good. Don't increase attention from this outburst, she has also revealed that she's already wishing to be exclusive with you. Do what you were doing before, see her once maybe twice a week, and none of that texting calling rubbish. Save that for in person so she specializes that time spent with you. The time you're out with her be a little more romantic- make her feel special whilst not giving away your frame. Don't do this too much though. Here's an example:

"You're a lucky girl you know that?"

Statements like that will make her feel special whilst it implies you're still the bigger better deal. And of course use kino when appropriate.

Do NOT say or do stuff like this:
"You're the best girl I've ever met"
Or
"I brought you flowers and chocolate now love me"
This shows that she's better than you, this kills attraction.

This is how you maintain her interest.

 

[cfdagola]

You defended yourself when you apologized, should have just replied with "my bad didnt see it" or something and left it at that. But these courese of actions on her part has revealed something. Her interest is clearly very high with you. If you want to maintain this level, I would relax in the attention via calling and texting so she still has that 'perfect image' of you in her head.

Proceed with doing your own thing so you're busy, this will give her time to wonder about that perfect image in her head. This is good. Don't increase attention from this outburst, she has also revealed that she's already wishing to be exclusive with you. Do what you were doing before, see her once maybe twice a week, and none of that texting calling rubbish. Save that for in person so she specializes that time spent with you. The time you're out with her be a little more romantic- make her feel special whilst not giving away your frame. Don't do this too much though. Here's an example:

"You're a lucky girl you know that?"

Statements like that will make her feel special whilst it implies you're still the bigger better deal. And of course use kino when appropriate.

Do NOT say or do stuff like this:
"You're the best girl I've ever met"
Or
"I brought you flowers and chocolate now love me"
This shows that she's better than you, this kills attraction.

This is how you maintain her interest.

good advice, i don't say those kind of things to her we're pretty straight forward with each other considering the circumstance that has brought us closer together. she admits i have no idea why i can let things go with you so easily. if you were somebody else we wouldn't talk for days and i'd make you wonder. IN fact she hates how indifferent I am.

its like with me she can't control feeling vulnerable she has stated several times that she thinks i'm just going to drop her after sex. which like i said we haven't had yet. We came really close one night but i withdrew. And while frustrated to couldn't look more happy. i literally sat across from her in my room smoking a cig and she just kept staring at me smiling. I asked her what. she said nothing can't i just admire?

so yeah that was just 9 days ago.

i dunno it scares me how much she makes me feel that she likes me because i'm like holy ****... this is real? is it fake... she just got out of a relationship who she still talks to the ex...

so yeah i dunno how to proceed other than to keep doing what i'm doing. I told her we should see each other tomorrow. But maybe i'll text her saying hey i want to see you tonight.

 

[MOTU]

Dude, you missed my point. You don't want anything with this chick beyond banging her if she is still seeing her ex while svcking you in her parents driveway.

 

[Skyline]

She's already friend zoned that ex at this point. Don't let that stop you.

She may be fvcking him on the side, but that is unlikely considering the attraction for you. As soon as you guys bang, give her mind blowing sex that is, she will be literally yours so long as you maintain your frame and attraction. Easier said than done for some guys, but you can do it.

Remember, not too much of you or her attraction will begin to drop. She was firing blanks at you for a reaction, don't listen to those blanks because she doesn't know what's attractive. This is probably what had happened with her ex. She showed high interest, guy realizes he's 'lucky', returns the favor, her attraction then begins to drop, he then gives her more, then poof she's gone, and now he's gobbling at her feet. Not sure if she's quality to be exclusive but that's up to your screening standards. If you just want a FWB, then this is a perfect scenario for you.

 

[cfdagola]

She's already friend zoned that ex at this point. Don't let that stop you.

She may be fvcking him on the side, but that is unlikely considering the attraction for you. As soon as you guys bang, give her mind blowing sex that is, she will be literally yours so long as you maintain your frame and attraction. Easier said than done for some guys, but you can do it.

Remember, not too much of you or her attraction will begin to drop. She was firing blanks at you for a reaction, don't listen to those blanks because she doesn't know what's attractive. This is probably what had happened with her ex. She showed high interest, guy realizes he's 'lucky', returns the favor, her attraction then begins to drop, he then gives her more, then poof she's gone, and now he's gobbling at her feet. Not sure if she's quality to be exclusive but that's up to your screening standards. If you just want a FWB, then this is a perfect scenario for you.

great advice man... yeah see i figured you would probably say that to about the whole bang her thing. And she is showing signs of wanting to move things forward despite her reservations and by move things forward she's being more open with us banging one night (the night she gave me head) saying pull it out!! so i figure that puts me on a timeline.

thing is she's a lot more experienced than me of course in sex i could always just have her lead and i'll follow her motions still worried the D won't be up to par. but that's just me being self conscious because i actually value her opinion on things.

thanks for the help.

 

[cfdagola]

just an update. I noticed that she had been increasingly late to dates I set up for us. so on the third time she was late. She was late about 45 minutes. Which due to her family problems I said I was ok with. But what I did do was cut that sh*t from the get go.

She called me letting me know she was just about to get in her car so i took this time to tell her how i felt.

told her listen. i understand you had some heavy crap going down at home. and that's fine. You need to deal with that first. But you need to let me know that you'll be awhile and we can decide from there if we even want to hang out again or just take a rain check. Because despite the issue 45 minutes isn't classy. its disrespectful. i made sure she understood This was for any future occasions and not what happened to her just then.

she started to ice me out again. Because she HATES being challenged.

Her: you know what i'm just going to stay in tonight.
Me: why?
Her: i dunno you're rubbing me the wrong way right now.
Me: why? because i'm telling you its disrespectful to not keep me in the loop about how late you are. How would you feel? you KNOW that's not classy.
Her: i don't understand why you're angry were you going to do something after?
Me: No i had plans with you so i made sure that sh*t was clear. listen get in the car and come now... we'll have a good time.
Her: *long pause*
Me: *not saying anything until i hear acknowledgment*
Her: i'm leaving now...
Me: see you soon.

She arrived and i drove her to the bar. When she got out i wanted to give her a kiss and hug. She pushed me away.

her: i don't want you touching me right now or near me.
me: i see. why because i called you out?
her: i'm trying to be classy for you...
me: whatever
her: you didn't even ask me if i was ok you just went right in to how you feel about lateness. nothing about my mom or my brother. just YOU.
me: i told you i understood the situation i'm saying in the future keep me in the loop dude. if its longer than 30 minutes we can decide together to cancel or not. family is important. This is not. we can get together another time.
her: whatever i just want to get inside and have a good time drinking.
me: exactly what i want to do. excellent.

So the night goes on. of course we have a great time. lots of funny conversation. she paid (her third time paying for us) for our night out and at the end of the night she's all over me. in my driveway inside the car and outside.

Today a total turn around in her emotional state. apparently dropping the hammer early is a powerful tool to use. This girl uses a lot of power plays all of which are designed to get the guy to cave in. I'm not caving in and it seems to be diminishing her resistance to me while at the same time making the emotional bond she has with me stronger. although she still wouldn't let me take her inside lol.

just a note this is within just about 3 weeks of her ending things with her other guy.

 

[Yewki]

She arrived and i drove her to the bar. When she got out i wanted to give her a kiss and hug. She pushed me away.

her: i don't want you touching me right now or near me.

Wow, doesn't even sound like she's worth pumping and dumping. I would have politely asked if she had money for a taxi then proceeded to get myself far away from her, as in leave.

I think you've done a decent job handling her drama, but the problem is you're playing by her rules too much. That is, you're combating her bull**** with too much direct reasoning. Just by participating in an argument, regardless of how wrong she is, she is getting satisfaction and losing some respect for you.

 

[cfdagola]

Wow, doesn't even sound like she's worth pumping and dumping. I would have politely asked if she had money for a taxi then proceeded to get myself far away from her, as in leave.

I think you've done a decent job handling her drama, but the problem is you're playing by her rules too much. That is, you're combating her bull**** with too much direct reasoning. Just by participating in an argument, regardless of how wrong she is, she is getting satisfaction and losing some respect for you.

yeah i'm not sure i buy her interest is dropping. i seriously doubt it. her interest in me is always been high. paying for our night out. warming up to me quickly when i started iceing her out.

and i do the job handling her drama because i know where she's coming from. one point that i didn't mention in this thread is that this woman was engaged. she broke it off. this was almost 3 weeks ago. i'm sure its still affecting her. but i do enjoy her company quite a bit.

Seems as long as i maintain indifference and an objective mind i will always come out ahead with this one i just wanted to know if how i approached a situation was good.