Did I lose her by being too busy? I'm kinda lost with this one

[Alexander]

Hi, I usually don't ask for advice since I know pretty much everything there is to know here. English isn't my first language so I'll try to make it as clear as possible.

I met a woman via a online dating site, we talked online for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet up since we had alot in common.
So far I've seen this woman 4 times.

The first date I went to pick her up at home and we went to eat at a semi-expensive restaurant, we had great chemistry, she was basically laughing at everything I was saying etc. After we went for a walk , we basically walked 2 hours , talking and holding each others hand like a couple. I brought her back home after and I kiss closed her.

The next week, I invited her to watch a movie we were talking about, we both wanted to see it so bad, like the last week, everything was great, we were kissing pretty much all night and I brought her home, I tried to escalate for something more in the car before she went home but I had a feeling she thought it was too early so I let her go ;D

3rd week, I invited her over at my house, she basically jumped me, we were both naked within 10 minutes she got in my room. But I had to leave because I go to a University that is 200 KM from my hometown, I drive home every weekends and I'm kinda busy that's why I can only see her only a few hours per week, but she says she understands.

I had a feeling she was getting kinda attached after we banged each other, she was always texting me how she misses me so much, how she wanted to sleep over with me , how the sex was amazing etc. So I invited her to sleep over for next week.

4th Week, I came back home at midnight , went to pick her up, brought her home, we basically fvcked all night long, then we were cuddling, she was telling me how happy she is that she met me, how I make her feel great etc


The next day, we woke up, then I brought her home I had some things to do, before leaving she kissed me again and said I'll call you tomorrow.

At this point you understand that for me it was pretty much in the bag, she seemed to have extremely high interrest level.

She called me the next day like she said she would, asked me how was my day etc, what I did after I brought her home, I told her I was with my friend at a party which was true, and she asked me what I was doing today, I thought she was hinting that she wanted to see me so I asked her if she wanted to come over, she said she was going to see some friend. So I said ok no big deal.

I called her 2 days after to hang out, she said she was busy that day too. It could be real, but I dunno, from experience I feel like she's taking distance, because she says she has thing to do but doesn't counter-offer for another day.

Last time I saw her was this thursday, last call from her was saturday, since then I haven't heard from her , her behavior changed completly over like 2 days.

I can't honnesly explain at all what happened, wtf went wrong here? Should I contact her? I don't wanna look desperate since she flaked 2 times already(maybe it was legitimate tho, dunno). The only thing that might annoyed her is that we could only see each other for couple hours during the weekend, because I study outta town, but I tried to make her more time last weekend but she flaked so I'm kinda lost. And I doubt it's for this reason she's flaking anyway.

 

[Chromeo]

shes got another dude. back off, all you can do

 

[Alexander]

haha you're probably right, it's just as simple as that, dunno why I didn't think of that, thanks !

 

[AbsolutBeirut]

After reading your post, I see a lot commonalities with my situation posted here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=173081

Though you do slightly better than me getting a lay at least. Though there was another girl I was seeing simultaneously that was getting clingy and suddenly became disinterested and started acting *****y. I called her out on it and we got in a fight and I didn't care since I had this other girl. This girl on the other hand never got clingy which is why I am still into her.

 

[Kailex]

First of all, never say that YOU lost HER.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS: She lost out on you.

Mindset. Very important.

I'll jump ahead to the part that interests me about this.

At this point you understand that for me it was pretty much in the bag, she seemed to have extremely high interrest level.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand GAME OVER.

Whenever you feel that you have something pretty much "in the bag", everything about you changes. Your body language, your speech patterns, everything. It's the equivalent of a basketball game when a team is winning by 20 and all of a sudden they start getting really relaxed thinking the game is over, but it isn't. All of a sudden, the other team gets back into it and suddenly wins!

Your job was to keep going as you had, and you might not see it that way, but as soon as your thought process shifted to this, you got relaxed and comfortable and are beginning to fail the active test.

She called me the next day like she said she would, asked me how was my day etc, what I did after I brought her home, I told her I was with my friend at a party which was true, and she asked me what I was doing today, I thought she was hinting that she wanted to see me so I asked her if she wanted to come over, she said she was going to see some friend. So I said ok no big deal.

Nothing major... except the part where she asked what you were doing today. By asking her to come over, you demonstrated to her that you are available... which is incongruence with your earlier statement about how you are so busy all the time. At first you had no time for her, but after two bang sessions, suddenly you can see her at the drop of a hat???

I called her 2 days after to hang out, she said she was busy that day too. It could be real, but I dunno, from experience I feel like she's taking distance, because she says she has thing to do but doesn't counter-offer for another day.

Annnnnd there it is.
First question: Did you call her to hang out the SAME DAY?
Second question: Why didn't you call her to propose a meeting for some other day, if that's the case???

Again, incongruence with your earlier theme of "being too busy".
All of a sudden all this free time opened up for her when you were once busy...

Now... SHE has the frame and SHE is deciding when SHE wants to see you.

Last time I saw her was this thursday, last call from her was saturday, since then I haven't heard from her , her behavior changed completly over like 2 days.

So did yours.

I can't honnesly explain at all what happened, wtf went wrong here? Should I contact her? I don't wanna look desperate since she flaked 2 times already(maybe it was legitimate tho, dunno). The only thing that might annoyed her is that we could only see each other for couple hours during the weekend, because I study outta town, but I tried to make her more time last weekend but she flaked so I'm kinda lost. And I doubt it's for this reason she's flaking anyway.

Don't contact her yet. Wait about 5 days. See if she gets back to you and if she offers to go out. If she REALLY is "high interest" SHE WILL.

I already showed you what the real reason is...

It's not that you are busy, it's because all of a sudden you've tried to become more available.

 

[Alexander]

Yeah Kailex, you're dead right, but I don't play these "I'm busy games", at first I was really busy, else I would of seen her more often than a couple hours a week, trust me, I just happened to have more free time the 4th week that's why I wanted to hang out, and I don't believe you can build a stable relationship with a girl you see only 5-6 hours a week. Also I'm a spontaneous guy and she knows it, like originally our first date was supposed to be on a sunday, because I had plans on saturday but that eventually got cancelled. When I heard my friend couldn't make it that day, I called her and told her what happened and that I could see her "today" instead. She was happy about it.

But you're right, I'm the kind of guys who hates to plan in advance so whenever I feel like seeing someone, I just call them to make plans for the same days, usually I always find something to do, I'm never bored. To be honnest I don't even care when she flakes on me because I just do something else and usually she just counter offers for another day so it's not that big of a deal to me, it also happened that she called me and I flaked on her because I had plan on that day, I counter offered and she didn't care, what pisses me off the most is that she cut off contact now for no apparent reasons beside maybe the one you stated and doesn't counter offer anymore so that's why I know something is up.

I understand that when I said "it's in the bag", you're probably right, I got confortable and all, but that didn't make me an afc, I didn't supplicate to her or anything, and you can't game a girl for the rest of your life, at some point everyone gets more confortable but you can still be a man.

 

[Alexander]

Also I think I use the term "flake" incorrectly, sorry english is not my first language, just in case you guys didn't understand, what I mean is not that she agrees to the date and cancels after, that never happened yet, just that I call her and arrange plans for the same day so sometimes she can, sometimes she can't, and I used "flaked on me" for the days she can't, dunno what's the appropriate term for it.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Your English is actually quite good, I wouldn't worry about that one bit.

Kailex's post is golden, I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents from my own experience.

I think there is a very big chance that she is either A) Testing you, or B) playing some game because she thinks that it will make you more attached to her or some BS. I have had girls pull this on me many times, where my behavior hasn't changed all that much, but their interest level appears to drop way off right after they started seeming attached. At least in a couple of those instances, I later found out it was straight game-playing, either from their friends' advice, some stupid book/magazine, or their own twisted mind. Especially if the girl was getting attached, she might have been told that playing these games will reel you in somehow.

Just something to think about. But I always try to keep in mind Kailex's point about the 4th quarter... it really is a great analogy, superior teams lose all the time because they stop pressing and doing the things that got them the big lead in the first place.

 

[Alexander]

lol curtain, that's what I was thinking too, my friends told me to ask her what went wrong, they were like it's dead anyway, atleast you'll know. I told em yeah but what if it is just a **** test? I'm not exactly sure as how to "pass it" as it's in the first that that ever happened to me, but my guts feeling was telling me to play the same no contact game with her, that's what I've been doing so far , I wasn't exactly sure tho, that's why I'm here.

I understand Kailex's point too tho, but when I said to myself "it's in the bag", it was like while I was dropping her at her father's place the last time I saw her, so even if my attidude would have somehow changed, she didn't see me yet with that attitude. But it's nice to have different perspectives over the matter and I kinda agree with all the advices I've been given so far, but I'm just a bit confused as it's the first time it happened to me lol.

I dunno why but I really have this feeling that she will eventually recontact me, unless she really found someone else better like someone mentionned.
But in my opinion it's probably a **** test, it's still good that I came in here because if I ever have another encounter with her, I'll make sure to be still on top of my game, even if I have a 20 points advantage