did i handle this right??

[djjoe]

hi guys,

i have been in a ldr with a girl who lives about 650kms away from me for the last few months...

as we are both working hard for our studies we just can see each other about once a month...

the thing is that she has not been calling me back for the last three days although i have called her twice... the last time i called her was yesterday...
i then texted her "is everything okay? give me a call when you feel like it again...."

what do you think about it... was it too afcish??:woo:
i always seem to get into these afc-tendencies again after i have gotten into a relationship...
do you know any tactics to avoid this??
do you know any kind of stuff to keep it interesting and keep some kind of "tension" although its a ldr???

thanks alot guys... joey

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

You can't hold "tension" over 650km.

 

[Morphiex]

duude, long distance relationships never work , my advice is brake up with her cuz shel prolly brake up with you soon anyways , cuz of the way your acting. your being waaay to afcish , calling her everyday and texting her is everything allright , u compleatly lost control of your relationship , now shes thinking about leaving you and looking ofr a real man if shes not banging one on the side as we speak , hey i know i kinda bursted your bubble , but you gotta wake up and realize the situation your in.... but in the end its up to you , would you want to spend more time on a relationship were u cant meet for more than once a month ? or do you want to go on with your life and meet women you can actually date around where you live rather then 650 km away.....

 

[Dergz]

..sounds familiar!

 

[Dergz]

well bra, lemme tell yu a story of a l.d.r i had, maybe you can relate:

i had been going out with my friend-turned-g/friend for about 5 months, during those 5 months things were blissfull, we used to call each other often, texts-a-plenty, e-mails like almost evry hour, hell we used to exchange 23 e-mails a day! It was perfect, she was even talking about settling down with me. Everything was going on well until one day i got the following mail (i'd been outta town on business for a month):

hey swty! iv bn around, just a bit stressed and a lil depressed! otherwise bn missin u and im sorry i bn a lil quiet its just that im so used to gettin an immediate response from u so much that when u dont respond i just feel like u not there and ur not gettin my mail.
so how u bn? u holding up baby?.when ru coming back? i hope soon...cos i cant bear anymo of this 'distance' btwn us, a lot is changin around me i wuldnt want anything 2 change bwtn us.
tk care luv will chat soon xxx

I didn't read between the lines back then, i was too complacent. what she was saying in that mail was i was holding her back - "a lot is changin around me i wuldnt want anything 2 change bwtn us." meaning - "i wanna move on now, do something", anyway, i wrote back telling her not to worry much cuz i was only a few more months (8) from finishing my internship. A few weeks letter, i got the following bombshell:


hi luv! i've bn thinking a lot about us! thing is i've bn thru a no. of long
distance relationships! dont get me wrong they did work for me, bt only for
a while! to me it feels like seeing u is impossible its like it will never
happen and that frustrates me to no end! bt i guess this is 1 of the strains
of a long dist relationship! so my worry is r we going to be able to pull
thru, is it worth it, and can we handle it! it does get prty lonely
sometimes... i cant cu, touch u and lately evn feel u. so question is... r
we better off as friends or should we carry on with this thing btwn us and
how r we going to do that? im torn apart by feelings i cant evn explain!
tell me wat do u want!

...and i was like i wrote back saying i'm still working on coming there, telling her to give me a bit more time so i could get my internship done, but that was it, 23 mails a day where cut down to a miserable 5, until eventually none. We dont talk no more.
What i'm tryna tell yu is that, once a chick doesn't 'feel' you no more, it's ova bra, what more in a l.d.r?, she's probably found a new b/friend. Now i'm not saying you should give up on her, keep trying to reach her, but what you gotta do is detach yoself, find other prospects. So that when she finally tells yu wat mine told me, yu won't be dazzed

Good Luck :yes:

 

[djjoe]

thanks guys, for all the replys...

especially to Dergz...

i can relate to what you are writing...
the first few months really have been great....

that`s the reason why it has felt that strange that she is not calling me back...

well i have practically been coming back to this board now (have been absent for a while) and reading through alot of the topics has given me back some strength and "mojo" back...
(especially the kind of advice of jariel, which is referred to in this thread)
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100623

so not calling me back despite me calling two times and texting is not a thing i will take anymore...
jariel is absolutely right, i should never let myself be taken for granted... if she thinks she can play games she can try, if she has found someone else, thats okay, there are millions of other great girls out there...
well lets see, i will make sure that she is gonna be the one who is calling the next time or there will be no more calls...
well, lets see...

all the best to all of you guys... joey

 

[djjoe]

okay so two hours ago she has texted me...

to understand you will need a little background info...

i have been visiting her the last weekend, and i was a little bit ill at that time... (i had a sore throat and was on antibiotics)...

she always was scared because she said she didn`t want to get ill herself, as she was in "stage of her study" where she simply couldn`t afford to get ill...

anyways i still made her kiss me, etc (i mean i made her want to and do it)
(which was not the best idea, i know)

well after not calling back, she today has texted me saying "rather don`t expect me to call you before the weekend as my work is getting really hard, I get home everyday at 9-10 pm and i`m ILL"...
(this is of course only a translation, my mother tongue is not english)


so well, i don``t know what to do... of course it may have been my fault that she got infected, on the other hand this is NO reason not to call me anymore and being *****y...
would you rather recommend to text her back and at least wish her all the best, or should i just let her stay *****y as long as she wants and wait until she calls me again...
what do you say guys, please help me out...

 

[SamePendo]

Where are you from?
Next time you see her, end things. That way YOU can start having some fun with some ladies, be free from her games, and, she also benefits from this, she can concentrate on her studies, and maybe have some fun with guys over there, that supposing that she isnt allready.

 

[rich4ap]

:cuss: ur a worthless piece of shyt! got her sick and now wana move on cuz its ur fault she hasnt been callin u?

 

[SamePendo]

:cuss: ur a worthless piece of shyt! got her sick and now wana move on cuz its ur fault she hasnt been callin u?

How hard is it for her to pick up the phone?

Isn't Oprah or The Tyra Banks show on right now? I hope you have popcorn!

 

[rich4ap]

How hard is it for her to pick up the phone?

Isn't Oprah or The Tyra Banks show on right now? I hope you have popcorn!

got me

 

[flexion_]

Wow - sure a lot of drama for someone you see once a month and is a plane ride away. We all know this relationship isn't going to work out because of the distance; but, guess you'll need to figure it out for yourself.

Your actions will have no effect either way so technically you aren't doing anything wrong. The distance will take care of the situation regardless of anything you do.

 

[poohead]

again. some huge generalizations being thrown around here - so, *all* LDR's are 'doomed'?

then why is it that my brother had a LDR for 4 years with his girlfriend, then they got married?

 

[SamePendo]

again. some huge generalizations being thrown around here - so, *all* LDR's are 'doomed'?

then why is it that my brother had a LDR for 4 years with his girlfriend, then they got married?

You sound like if a LTR is the goal. And, all generalizations by definition are . . . well... generalized.